The Colors of My Life
by Ninadoll
Summary: Wolf Territory - He was the most volatile wolf in the pack with a hair trigger temper and a badass attitude. He was also a successful businessman and loving family man. Join me on a journey to discover just who this man is and the woman behind him.
1. Chapter 1 : Paddington Blue

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or Liljenrock's creation.

So, here's the story of the Paul and Rachel as how they've been inside my head. It's gonna be a feel-good story, shorter than Embry's but with some drama. As you know there's no monetary gain to the time Jen and I spend writing and plotting. All we get are reviews and we really appreciate the meaningful ones, rather than 'loved it' and 'update soon' and 'next chapter please' ones. So if you liked the story, please let me know what you liked about it and as you know I'm just an amateur writer, so feedback and constructive criticism is what helps me improve myself. So please help me improve myself.

More unnecessary info—While you can imagine Alex Meraz was the teenage wolf, the Paul in my head is in his 30's so it's a whole other sexier image in my head. My partner in crime knows who my Paul is, and she's been giving me the push to churn out this story. Let's all say thanks Jen!

This one's for Gaby…

**Colors of My Life**

**Chapter One: Paddington Blue**

_**Paul**_

I stood with a shoulder against the wall and a cigar clamped between my teeth. It gave me something to focus on although it wasn't lit. My emotions were still jangling like an alarm bell in a firehouse and gnawing on the cigar helped me hang on to dignity and my masculinity, both a precious commodity. I didn't want my son to see me lose it. I was his hero and I liked keeping it that way.

She glanced up at me then, a quick glance and in that flash I saw the concern in her eyes, and the understanding. After so many years together, she knew me well enough to give me the space I needed to pull myself together. I kept my eyes on her though, whatever help the cigar is, she's my rock, she's always been my rock. I watched her as she sat there, up against the pillows with Keegan sitting so seriously beside her. It had been a long night and it showed on her puffy face but she stayed strong like she always does. She cuddled the baby closer as she leaned over Keegan, both of them conversing softly.

As much as I love the tough cookie I married, I love seeing this side of her too. She'd surprised me the day Keegan was born and she went all Mommy on him. And here she is now, introducing my second son to his big brother, the gentle look in her face once more doing strange things inside my chest. I chomped on the cigar a bit more.

"No, darling, you have to be very gentle with him. He's very new and you don't want to break him, do you?"

"But I want to play," Keegan pouted.

"You'll have to wait for him to grow up first. But until then, he's going to need a big brother to take care of him."

"That's me, Mommy! That's me. Daddy said it's my job!"

"Shhh. Remember, you're supposed to use your inside voice. Everything is new for Logan. You don't want to scare him, right?"

Keegan sighed. "Yeah. But, Mommy? He'll be wolf, right? Like Daddy and me?"

"You have a long way to go before you're a wolf, sweetheart."

Keegan sighed impatiently with a pout. He was so much like me sometimes.

"Just be my darling for a little while longer, okay?"

"Mommy, I'm not your baby anymore?" he asked rather petulantly.

"You're a big brother now. So I guess you're my little man, huh?"

"That's what Daddy said!"

Rachel laughed, a soft husky sound that ran up my spine and into that part of my brain that held my memories. I remembered the first time I heard that laugh. I had been a new wolf back then with none of the calmness or level headedness I seem to somehow have developed over the years.

"_Paul, I want you to stop by at Billy's place. Look over everything and make sure that he's okay and doesn't need anything," Sam said in his deep voice just as I was leaving with my book bag slung over my shoulder. I was seventeen and seriously at the brink of flunking high school._

_I scowled in response. I was a fucking wolf for crying out loud, with more than ten kills under my belt and Emily had me coming over daily to sit before her while I did my homework, and Sam had me babysitting Billy Black just because his chicken liver son decided to fall in love with a leech lover and needed the time off to nurse his goddamn wounds. Where's the fucking justice in all this? Where's the respect?_

"_I would like an answer, Paul," Sam called out when I attempted to leave without answering._

"_Yeah, yeah, I'll do it," I bit out sullenly. _

"_Hey, Sam, I can do it. I don't mind," Embry volunteered and I paused mid-stride, hoping. _

"_No, I want you to go straight home. I don't want your mom calling Emily again, got it?"_

_I smirked as Embry looked down. But that joy was short lived as I started to trudge towards Billy Black's house. I was a freaking wolf and I was being relegated to playing babysitter. _

_My mind slipped to my parents' latest attempt at laying down the law. It bothered me that my dad was thinking the worst of me and had accused me of being in a gang. I hated that my mother had tears in her eyes when I stalked out to the sounds of my dad's, "Come back here when I'm talking to you!" _

_I just hated that everyone had such a low opinion of me. No one cares that I go to school everyday, that I was no longer allowed to play football, that after school I babysit Billy Black, that in the middle of the night I patrol the woods on foot and then quite often, I risk my life fighting vampires just so the good people of La Push could go on living their miserable existence while I get to do it all over again the next day feeling tired and exhausted. No one knew and no one cared and my parents think that they've have failed in raising a good son. Everything just made me so mad these days, and I was always either sleepy or hungry._

_Billy wasn't alone. I knew that before I even got to the edge of his property, before I even saw the car parked in front of his house. There was a female in his house. And she had a sexy laugh, husky and promising all kinds of dirty fantasies coming true. I went from tired, angry and hungry to curious, turned on and fucking hot in seconds, and that was just from the sound of her. What the fuck was she doing laughing with Billy like that? He was in a wheelchair for crying out loud. And he's old!_

_I rapped on the door. I wanted to rip it out of my way but I'll start with the knock. The door swung open and a pair of dark eyes stared back at me. Huge eyes that reminded me fishes. If I was doodling fish shapes, it would be the shape of her eyes. Beautiful eyes, with sooty lashes zeroing right up into mine. "Yeah?"_

_And just like that, I forgot my name, forgot how to talk and forgot how to hold myself steady as my knees threatened to give way. "Whoa!" she cried out as she grabbed my arm, and my eyes immediately focused on her small, strong hand on me. Oh God, she was touching me. She was a shade darker than me and she was fearless and strong as she pulled me into the house and pushed me down onto the couch. "Hey? You okay? You're burning up," she mumbled as she brought her cool hand to my forehead. _

_I could only stare up at her mutely as Billy wheeled himself over. She was beautiful. "Paul? What's wrong?"_

_She hurried away and I took the opportunity to gulp, my heart galloping like mad. What the fuck? What the fuck? She came back then with a tall glass of water. "Drink!" she ordered and I did. Damn, I'd probably do whatever the fuck she tells me to do. I was going to turn into Sam! I was going to turn into Jared! I was going to lose my fucking balls!_

"_Son?" Billy spoke calmly as he took the empty glass out of my hand and handed it to the girl-woman-Goddess. "Did you…?" he left the question hanging and I just knew what he was asking! _

"_Oh fuck, Billy! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!"_

"_Hey! Watch the language!" the girl-woman-Goddess snapped. _

"_Rachel, give him some space."_

_Rachel. Her name was Rachel. Billy had a daughter, right? Two daughters? Rachel? Twins? Rachel and Rebecca, I think. Oh fuck, I imprinted. I imprinted on Billy's daughter, Rachel. That's who she is! I fucking imprinted on chicken liver's sister Rachel Black. Oh fuck! I fucking imprinted on an older woman. _

"_I have to go!" I lurched up. I had to get out of there. This was not how I was supposed to have met her for the first time. I was still in the jeans and t-shirt I'd worn to school, they were new, but I had flip flops on. I'd torn up too many shoes to request new ones from the parents just yet. This was my soulmate, this is my imprint. This is my future wife. This was heavy stuff. I shouldn't have been looking like this. Damn! This was Rachel Black, the woman who would someday become Rachel Winters. Oh fuck, oh fuck, Rachel Winters, Rachel Winters…_

"_Wait, you're sick. Are you alright to drive?" she called out, just as I made it to the door._

"_I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm just, I'm hot," I paused to explain._

_She looked amused. "You're hot, huh?"_

_I grinned as a certain part of my brain kick-started itself. "You don't think so? I mean, you felt my head and everything."_

_She laughed that husky laugh again as Billy frowned at me. Yeah, I guess I shouldn't try to flirt with his daughter in front of him but hey, I imprinted. "I'm Rachel," she said as she held her hand out for me to shake. _

_I knew she was Rachel. I know that she's my future wife and she's was hot. Only problem was, she didn't know all that. I grabbed her hand, engulfing it with both my own. God, I was touching her, the future Mrs. Winters. This is the future Mrs. Winters. Wow! My mom was so going to freak out._

"_What's your name?"_

"_Winters," I blurted and blushed. I'd almost said Mrs. Winters. The word was right there at the tip of my tongue._

"_Hmm, are you sure you're okay, Winters? You're looking flushed."_

"_I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm just, I'm Paul."_

"_Paul? Not Winters? Are you sure?" she asked looking amused again._

"_Yeah," I grinned back. "It's Paul Winters."  
><em>

"_You never said what you came over for Paul Winters?"_

"_Oh, Sam, Sam Uley wanted me to check in on Billy. Make sure that he didn't need anything," I turned to look at Billy and he smiled grimly._

"_I'm fine," he grumbled as he wheeled himself to the door and gestured me out. "Tell Sam thank you."_

"_Why would Sam Uley be concerned about my father?" she asked, once again stopping my retreat._

"_Coz Jake's left. We take care of our own," I explained, glad for once that Sam had sent me on this errand. "And Billy's like our chief."_

"_You know my brother?" she asked as Billy held the door open, softly urging me to leave. _

"_Yeah, we kind of run in the same pack," I grinned. That was me being smart._

_She looked stunned and she stood back to check me out. Her eyes ran over me and I stood tall. Yeah, look me over baby. All this is yours. I let my eyes wander over her too. She was gorgeous, inky black hair, a fantastic figure, smooth soft looking skin and brave eyes, heavy lidded like Jacob. Man, this was the future Mrs. Winters._

"_You're a friend of Jake's?" she asked with disbelieve in her voice. "How old are you?" _

_She was looking at my feet and I cringed. "Seventeen."_

I snapped out of my reverie when she called out to me, "Paul?"

I went over to her and sat on the edge of the bed beside Keegan. "Yeah, Babe?"

"You okay?"

"Why? Don't I look hot?" I grinned and she smiled back.

"You're remembering that day, huh?"

I nodded as I leaned forward to kiss her softly, careful of the baby in her arms, then I brushed a kiss on the baby's head, before I pulled Keegan closer and kissed the top of his head too. He relaxed against me and I smiled into his hair. Everything I went through before was completely worth it just to be here, at this moment in time.

Then it was time for family as we let the entire zoo in and my mom rushed in ahead of everyone else. "Where is he? Where is my sweet little angel?"

"I'm right here, Mom," I grinned as I stopped her mad rush towards a grinning Rachel and the baby by wrapping her in my arms.

"Oh, not you, you silly boy!" she laughed as she lightly smacked my shoulder. "Let me go, I want to see the baby." And she hurried over to Rachel, gushing in her excitement over how perfect the baby was, how great Rachel is and what a great job she did.

"You know, Mom, I played a part in his creation too. How about sending some of those compliments my way?" I grinned as I ruffled Keegan's hair.

"Silly boy!" my mom laughed. "You wouldn't have done anything without Rachel."

Wouldn't have, not couldn't have. It was nice of my mom to realize that and it was the truth. While I was always capable of everything I did over the last eighteen years, it was only after Rachel stepped into my life did I make the effort. And I knew that my mom would always love Rach for that.

Then my dad was there, the cigar I had given him earlier stuck in his shirt pocket. He had eyes only for me as he pulled me into a tight hug, nevermind that he had already congratulated me in the waiting room earlier when I ran out to get Keegan. He patted me on my back and whispered, "I'm so proud of you. Really," then he stood back to lay his hand on my shoulder. "I hope your sons make you as proud of them as you make me."

And it was really worth it, everything that I had gone through before, to be standing here and living this moment in time. To look at this expression on my father's face, and it made me feel emotional, so I played it cool. "Is that a curse or is that a blessing?" I grinned. "Coz really, Dad, that sounds kind of sinister."

"It's a promise," he laughed. "You put the white in my hair. It's only fair."

Billy, Jake and Nessie trooped in with a sleeping Bodhi in his carrier seat. I knew they had left Griffin with Charlie and Sue Swan while they had made the middle of the night drive to Seattle. Unlike everyone else, Jake didn't head straight for the baby or his sister. He went to Keegan and brought him over to where I had been pushed to a corner. I was grateful to him as I'd worried Keegan might feel slighted with the new baby. Rachel and I had been so careful throughout her pregnancy, making sure he was included in everything we did for the baby, but what can we do with overexcited grandparents?

"Hey, big man?" Jake asked my son. "How does it feel being a big brother, huh? It's an important job buddy."

Keegan nodded sagely. "I know Unca Jake. Griffin told me."

"What did Griffin tell you?" I asked. I had no idea that those two little boys were discussing brotherhood at their age.

"Griffin said that baby knows nothing. And I have to tell baby what's cool."

"That's right. Logan is going to depend on you for lots of things," Jake said.

"Unca Jake? I'm not going to know when baby's hot or hungry, not like Griffin knows," Keegan said sounding sad.

"Oh sweetie," Rachel called out. "When you're a big brother or a sister, you automatically know."

"Really?" Keegan asked looking at me for confirmation.

"Really," I grinned, although as an only child I had no idea.

"Daddy?" Keegan asked, looking excited now. "If I told baby that the yellow control is cool, would he believe me and play yellow so I can always be red?"

Jake chuckled as my dad and Billy snorted. "No doubt about it. This one is a mini-Paul alright."

"Yes, and it's such a blessing," my dad laughed.

Later, when the family left with Keegan in tow, I stretched out beside my exhausted wife on the too small hospital bed. She snuggled closer before she let out a contented sigh.

"Paul?" she asked softly. "Were you remembering the day we met?"

"Yeah," I whispered back. "I knew you were gonna change my life. But I never imagined this."

"I never imagine what my dad said was all going to be true either. But I'm glad it was."

I smiled. I remembered what a non-believer she had been when she had challenged me to phase.

"_My father says that you and my brother turn into wolves at will and he says you are going to prove it," she gestured with her hand. "Go on, poof for us. Let's see this miracle. Do you need the full moon or have you left your magic wand at home?"_

I also remembered how she didn't want anything to do with me once I'd proved to her that it was all true. I had to start stalking her. I heard her giggle softly so I carefully rolled over and hovered over her as she lay on her back.

"Remember how you told me about imprinting?" she asked, making me groan.

I remembered how I stalked her for days, trying to talk to her while she made avoiding me look like an art form. I got lucky when she had a flat tire between Forks and La Push and once Brady sent me the image of her sitting in the pouring rain, fighting with the tire, I rushed over immediately.

"_That looks like a job for a man," I said as I swaggered up to her, wearing just my low hanging shorts. I knew the effect I had on the female species, especially when they got to check out my bare chest and abs._

"_Yeah, know where I can find one?" she answered as she went on trying to turn the wrench. That stung. She always did have a smart mouth on her._

_I reached down and turned the wrench, single handed and the nut came loose. She let the wrench go and scrambled back. I took the chance to make quick work of the tire for her, as she took a few steps away and stood staring at the trees. _

"_Is he okay? Is he still alive?" she asked so softly that I might have missed hearing her voice if I hadn't been this in tune to her. _

"_He's fine. Honest. He's just mad still."_

"_Yeah? Well I'd be mad too. I thought all these were fairy tales. Thanks for changing the tire, I've got to go."_

"_Rachel, wait. Please?"_

"_I'm packing my dad up. I'm taking him with me. I don't want to do this. I don't want him involved in all this."_

_I panicked. "You can't. Please, Rachel. Listen to me. There's more that Billy hasn't told you. That he can't tell you. Only I can."_

"_I don't want to hear anymore. I just want my family back. I don't want all this," she started walking towards her car._

_I really didn't know what else to do. She wouldn't give me a chance to explain things to her. Seriously, what else could I do? I grabbed her and she screeched as she tried to claw her way out of my arms and I don't know what came over me as I wrestled her to the wet ground, the rain pelting heavily down my back as I held myself over her, sheltering her from the rain, letting my thighs trap her legs and using my hands to pin her arms down beside her head._

"_Listen to me!" I growled and she stopped struggling to stare up at me. I could see the defiance peeking through the fear etched in her eyes. "You belong to me," I rasped. "We wolves, we imprint. That's how we find our mates. And I imprinted on you. You are my mate. You can't leave."_

"_Let me go!" she said as she tried to wriggle free._

"_Did you hear me? You are my mate," I growled as I tightened my hold on her._

"_If you think I'm going to flutter my lashes and tell you 'Oh, wow, Winters, I'm so glad to be your 'mate'', you can think again," she snapped, the fire back in her eyes. "You're just a kid, and…and I don't belong here. So get off me before I start screaming."_

_I felt the familiar tremble start at her words and I worried about hurting her. I let my forehead drop to hers as I tried to pull myself together, not budging from her struggles, not even moving when I heard a car drive up and stop. I wanted to kiss her. Actually I wanted to do more than that. The feel and scent of her was turning me on like crazy. And then, of all things, I heard my mother's voice screech out, "Paul Winters! What on earth are you doing? You let that girl go right now!"_

_My mom had that gift. Whenever she screams 'Paul Winters' like that, it makes me react before I even think about it. I scrambled up from Rachel and turned to my mother with horror. _

"_Mom! It's not what it looks like," and that's all I could say before Rachel darted in front of me and gave me a face full of the entire contents of her pepper spray. _

_I choked and coughed as my eyes stung. I couldn't stop moaning as I brought my hands up to cover my eyes and hopped in agony, hoping the burning would stop._

"_Try pulling a Neanderthal 'me Tarzan, you Jane' stunt like that again and I'll scalp your goddamn ass, got it?" Rachel had raged just before she kicked my shin and yelped in pain._

I laughed as I came back to present day, hovering over my lovely wife. "What?" she asked softly as she gently ran her hand over my cheek.

"Memories, of you threatening to scalp my ass. I've never heard that until you," I whispered as I turned my head slightly to kiss her palm.

"Can you forget that already?" she half-groaned and half-growled.

"We've come a long way." I ran my finger under her eyes, the dark shadows telling me just how tired she must be. "And as interesting as I find these rings around your eyes, I'd prefer them gone. Seriously woman, all that money spent at the spa, and this is how you look?"

"Watch it, Winters," she laughed as she pushed me back down on the bed and cuddled closer like a little kitten, letting out a huge yawn. "You don't look too hot yourself."

"Yeah? That little nurse who came in to get the baby would beg to differ. She couldn't keep her eyes off me."

"Hmm, I'll have a talk with her when I wake up. You're all mine."

"Hey, Rach?"

"Hmm?"

"You gonna threaten to scalp her ass?"

I laughed when she turned her head to bite my inner arm before snuggling closer and falling asleep. I held her close to my heart as I listened to her soft breathing.

I'd been seventeen when I had imprinted on the ambitious firecracker called Rachel Black. And from that day forward I made a complete 180 degree turn on myself to become the man I am today. The last eighteen years hadn't been easy. We faced many obstacles and doubts.

Back then I'd only wanted to make her proud of me. But indirectly, I'd done more than that. I became the man my parents feel proud to call their son, I became the man her father was happy to give her away to, I became the man she was happy to call her husband and I became the man who is the father of her children.

Somewhere out there, there was a spirit looking down kindly at me. I looked up at the ceiling and whispered, "Thank you."

Rachel's hand came up to pat my chest as she mumbled in her sleep, "You're welcome."

_A/N : Slow start. But how do you like my Paul?_


	2. Chapter 2 : Pompeii Purple

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

Don't forget to check out our other stories written in this same universe. My own stories of Jake and Embry, as well as Liljenrocks''**Love You for Always**' – all about Dr Sexy Seth, '**A Love that Defies All Logic**' – all about the delicious Scar and '**Love You Madly**' – all about Quil and Claire's married life. So you'll see her characters making an appearance in my stories and my characters appearing in hers. We plan to write about a few more wolves, maybe more original ones (Scott for sure, Gator maybe, Jen definitely needs to write Ashley..) to move the time line along until the pups in Griffin's batch are all old enough for some romance. So yes, I'm writing Griffin and Bodhi, but not now. They're still little boys.. let them grow up a little.

Hey, I heard there was an earthquake in the USA? Washington area? I hope everyone's okay! My thoughts and prayers are for all of you.

**The Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 2: Pompeii Purple**

_**Rachel**_

I smiled to myself as I listened to Paul and Keegan talking in the bedroom while I went through my closet, setting aside a pile of clothes for Goodwill.

My little baby Logan was a two-month old now and I was happy to say I was almost getting my old body back, thanks to the gallon load of cocoa butter I had slathered on myself throughout my pregnancy, and after having the baby, a private trainer named Jorge who my husband hated, and a lovely Indonesian post-natal massage package at my favorite spa. And I was happy to say, I had no need for my vast array of maternity clothes anymore, hence the spring cleaning of my closet.

"Daddy? Why can't baby talk to me yet?"

"Coz he doesn't know how to talk yet."

"If he doesn't know how to talk, then how will he learn?"

"The same way you learned."

"But Daddy, how did I learn?"

"It wasn't that long ago, Kee-man. Have you forgotten how already?"

I snorted to myself. Paul always resorted to some sort of a nonsense answer when he gets stuck at answering Keegan's daily thousand and one questions. I peeked out of the walk-in-closet to look at my group of men. Paul lay barefoot on our king-sized bed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a red t-shirt. Propped up on a pile of pillows, he had his legs crossed at the ankles and Logan sound asleep on his chest. Paul actually preferred sleeping in the buff but since Keegan learnt to walk, he started wearing shorts to bed. But lately, Keegan wants to emulate Paul so much, that Paul's pretend dressing for bed was the only way to get Keegan into his jammies. The brat in question lay beside his father, dressed very similarly and lying in the exact same position, legs cross at the ankles and his stuffed octopus on his chest. I couldn't resist talking a couple of steps into the room and snapping a picture on my phone. This one was for my private collection.

"Hey you," Paul called out to me lazily. "What you doing?"

"I'm gathering all my maternity clothes to give away, since this factory is now closed," I said, patting my still slightly rounded tummy. I was giving myself ten more days to get it flat again.

"Right, because you used the same maternity clothes for both your pregnancies, didn't you?" Paul asked dryly.

I marched up to him and twisted his big toe, causing him to yelp softly although I knew that no way had that hurt him even a tiny bit. Keegan giggled.

"What's so funny, Mister?" I asked as I crawled into bed to lie beside him and tickle him lightly.

"Mommy, stop!" He laughed and I had to hush him down before he woke his brother up.

I loved days like this, especially Sundays when we didn't have to work and our live-in nanny had the day off. Sometimes we would take Keegan out, but since the last stages of my pregnancy and Logan's subsequent birth, we've been having family time like this at home.

I cuddled my eldest son close as I watched the boring documentary that Paul and Keegan were watching on TV for a little while. I knew Paul's modus operandi. This was how he got Keegan bored enough to fall asleep. My husband was such a manipulator, although today it looked like it was Paul who was on the brink of sleep.

"Daddy?"

I grinned as Paul grunted. Our little monster was gearing up for another round of questions. Watching Paul with Keegan is right up there with my top ten favorite things in the world. He is just so great with him.

"Do I really have to go to school?"

"Yeah," Paul mumbled. Keegan went to nursery school and he was not happy about it.

"But why, Daddy?"

"Because it's a must."

"But I already know all my ABCs," Keegan whined.

"Yeah, but do you know what the square root of four million three hundred and sixty five is?"

"No," said Keegan in a soft voice and I couldn't resist leaning up to look at Paul and whisper under my breath, "Do you, Winters?" I knew he could hear me. It was satisfying to watch him narrow his eyes at me.

Then I guess he noticed Keegan's glum face and my grin got wider. As big and frightening my gorgeous hunk of a husband usually is, he always melts when something upsets our little boy and I loved watching him deal with that. "Hey," he murmured softly as he nudged him with his shoulder. "You wanna be wolf when you grow up, right? How're you going to go to college and graduate if you don't go to school?"

"What does going to school have to do with being wolf?" I just had to ask. He gave me an exasperated look before he turned back to Keegan.

"Didn't you know, Rach?" Paul asked seriously, but I could see that rascal look in his eyes. "Whenever we're wolf, we have to do all these complex calculations and measurements in our heads as we're protecting the people. It's not easy being wolf. And going to school helps us to become stronger and smarter wolves. That's why you're just a scientist. Otherwise you could have been as smart as me."

I reached out to pinch him as Keegan was suddenly close to wailing. "But Daddy, it's not fair!"

"What's not fair?"

My phone rang just then and I glanced at the caller ID before rolling to my feet.

"Griffin gets to go to school with Liam and Hawke but I have to go to school all alone!"

"But you have other friends in school."

"But they're not wolf!"

I wanted to stay and help Paul deal with that, but I had to take this call. I hurried into the walk-in closet for some semblance of privacy. I knew just how sharp Paul's wolf hearing was.

"Hey?" I said softly, acutely conscious of Paul on the other side of the wall.

"Hey," I clenched my eyes shut at the sound of the voice on the other side. "Is it a bad time to call?"

"No, no. It's okay. I can talk," I whispered.

It was my sister, my twin Rebecca. She calls me now and then, and we talk until her phone card runs out. She gets this privilege based on good behavior and once every two or three months, I drive my father all the way to the Women's Prison in Gig Harbor to visit her. But usually when we talk, I'd be in my office at work. I was home now on maternity leave and well, I can't give up on my sister just because my husband hates her.

"Did you have the baby?" she asked.

"Yes. Oh Becca, I wish you could see him. He's so perfect," I smiled. She was having one of her good days and I missed her. This Rebecca, it was almost like having my old sister back.

I could hear the smile in her voice too. "Was it a long labor? Who does he look like?"

"Eight and a half hours. It felt really long," I laughed. "I think he looks like his Daddy and brother, but Paul says there's something about his expressions that reminds him of me."

"I wish I could see him. Did you name him Logan like you wanted?" she asked wistfully.

"Yes, oh Becca, you would love him. I sent you pictures. When he yawns he sort of clenches his eyes shut tight before he opens his mouth. I can just spend hours watching him." Truth be known, I could spend hours talking about my boys too.

"Jake used to do that. Do you remember? When he used to yawn as a baby?"

I couldn't remember. She was always the more maternal one between the two of us. She was the one who was always ready and willing to help our mother around the house, and with Jacob when he had been a baby. I'd just wanted to be left alone with my books. I was ambitious and studious from the start.

But here we were today, Rebecca in jail on kidnapping charges and me, happily married with two children. It was like all my ambitions came true for me, along with some of hers. And the guilt was killing me like it always does. If I hadn't left the reservation after my mother died, if I hadn't abandoned Rebecca the way I had, she wouldn't have tried to find happiness in Hawaii with that cheating snake, and she wouldn't have turned out like she did.

I remembered a time when we were little girls, my Mom had been calling us to come in and Rebecca and I were reluctant to leave our cozy little tent in the back yard where we had been pretend camping with Jake.

"_Oh look!" Rebecca had cried out. "A shooting star! Quick! Make a wish."_

_Five-year old Jacob hadn't understood her, but he watched me as I quickly made my wish. "Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight. I wish Momma would take us to the library tomorrow."_

_We then helped Jacob through his wish because he couldn't get the words right. He wished he could run faster than his little friends in day-care so that no one could catch him when they played tag._

_Rebecca had sighed impatiently then. "That was a real life falling star and that's what you wished for? You're supposed to wish for something greater," she huffed in her usual bossy way. "It's ok. I'll make it better." She turned to look up at the sky where the falling star had long disappeared. "Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight. I wish we had fairy tale lives and live happily ever after and we have lots of money and marry handsome princes and live in a castle. Oh, Jacob has to marry a beautiful princess. Please, please, please let this wish come true."_

I still remember that night. I remember how upset Jake had gotten over the idea of marrying that he had pouted for the rest of the night. I could remember the chill in the air and the smell of the pot roast wafting out of the house as my mother hummed softly indoors. And another tear fell at the thought of the past, of what we had been, of what we had and lost.

"Becca," I whispered on a hitched breath. She had been the best sister, my sister, my twin, Jake's second mom. Never in my life would I have expected my sweet sister to turn out the way she had. Guilt, it was because of me. Me.

"How is Keegan handling the new baby? Is he jealous of his brother?"

"No," I said in a thick voice. "He's thrilled to be a big brother just like Griffin is. He just gets impatient that the baby isn't able to play with him yet."

"Does Keegan ask about me? Does he know me?"

"Becca," I whispered sadly. I could do nothing to stop the tears running down my face. She asks this every time, even when she knows that I'd chosen not to tell my little boy that he has an aunt in prison. That's not how I want him to remember his family. And just me holding on to her like I do, causes enough rifts between my husband and me for me to involve our children as well. And like I expected it to, her mood swung.

"Your husband doesn't allow it, does he?" she sighed bitterly. "How about Griffin? And Jake's second baby? What was his name again?"

"Bodhi."

"Yes, such a stupid name. It must have been _her_ idea. I'm sure his boys are growing up thinking you're their only aunt. Just the way she wants it."

"Becca, please don't do this. Not today. Please?"

When she does this to me when I'm at work, in my office, for some reason I'm able to handle it better, I get to keep the tears at bay. There's always this Jekyll and Hyde sort of mood swings that she has, and I deal with when it comes to her. Maybe it's because of the boss mantel I wear in the lab and I become this no-nonsense Dr. Winters. But here, at home, I'm Mom and wife and I'm not the bitch I try to be at work and it always feels like a hundred sharp knives piercing through my heart when I have my defensive walls down. It hurts. It really does.

"It's okay, Rachel. I know you're friends with her. But I never expected her influence over you to be so strong," she was the mocking Rebecca now. The Rebecca she wouldn't have become if I hadn't left her to runaway, even if my running away was in pursuit of academia.

"Stop it. You know it's Jacob who's written you out. Not Nessie. It was never Nessie."

"You're still so blind, Rachel. You were always like this. Always seeing only the good in others. Men are weak willed and easily controlled with sex. Jake's just a puppet, her puppet and I just don't understand why I'm the only one who sees that. Think, Rachel, think! I practically raised Jake after Momma died and you left us. Would he really turn his back on me?"

"You had his son kidnapped, Rebecca! How can you expect forgiveness from him for that? After what you did to your own brother?" I hissed.

"They never would have hurt him. Do you think I would have let them hurt my own nephew?" That was always her reasoning, her defense.

I clenched my eyes shut. This is my sister. This person, who with a willing group of cohorts kidnapped our own brother's son and held him for ransom. This person is my twin sister.

"If it had been Keegan, I would have died that day, Becca."

She scoffed. "I wouldn't have done that to you, Rachel."

"But you could do it to Jacob? Our brother!"

"I told you, the boy wouldn't have been hurt!"

"I have to go, Rebecca." Sometimes I want to listen to Paul and have nothing to do with her.

"Oh no! Please Rachel. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sweetie. I swore I wouldn't bring them up and I did. Please. Just talk to me? I'm so lonely and I miss you so much. I wish I could see your baby. Tell me about the baby."

I felt myself giving in. And we talked for a few minutes more like we used to as girls, when we shared each others secrets and dreams.

I remembered the day when someone had knocked on my dorm room door and told me I had a call. I'd made my way to the row of phones to take Rebecca's call.

"_Rachel? Rachel, guess what?"_

"_Becca? What is it?"_

"_I'm getting married!"_

"_What?"_

"_I met a guy, he's a surfer and we're getting married and I'm going to Hawaii," she had gushed._

"_Who is he? How come you've never told me about him?"_

"_We just met, sweetie. And he's swept me off my feet."_

_I laughed. Typical Rebecca. She gets these fanciful highs when she meets someone new. "Who is he? Tell me about him."_

"_His name is Alika, he's a professional surfer and you've seen that commercial for Sunscreen right? The one where the surfer goes through the tube and then comes out of the water and says he doesn't need to re-apply his Sunscreen? That's him!"_

_I squealed along with her. "He's cute, Becca. When's the wedding? Tell me, tell me, I want all the details."_

_She hesitated, then, "I'll call you soon, Rach. We have a flight to catch now. I'm going to Hawaii with Alika."_

"_What? Now? Becca? What?"_

"_Dad doesn't know. I–I left a note. I have to do this, Rachel. There are always girls around Alika. I don't want him to change his mind. And–and Dad doesn't like him."_

"_Rebecca, Dad doesn't like him and you're doing this? Don't. Please, honey. That's a really stupid reason to rush into marriage."_

"_I have to do this!" she hissed. "This is my fairy tale coming true. He is rich Rebecca. I'll get to have a good life with him, I'll get to have nice things. Be happy for me. Please."_

"_Becca, you can't leave Dad and Jake like this –" _

"_Why were they automatically my problem? You left, Rachel. You left and conveniently left them to me. Well, it's my turn now. I'm doing this."_

_I had been taken aback. I left for college. I had worked really hard for my scholarship but the bottom line was, I had left, leaving my wheelchair bound father and young brother, knowing that Rebecca was more than capable of caring for them. It should have been my responsibility too, but I had failed them all with my selfishness._

_But how do I condone this? Rebecca was always on the lookout for her Prince Charming, causing her to make a few mistakes along the way, mistakes that we were always careful to hide from our father._

"_Rachel," she had pleaded then. "Rachel, please. Be happy for me. I need to do this."_

_I nodded before clearing my throat. "Congrats, Becca. I'm sure you'll be a beautiful bride. I wish I could be there with you."_

_I heard her say something to someone before she spoke to me again. "Rach, they're calling our flight. My first plane ride. I'll miss you, sweetie. I wish you could be here with me too."_

"_Bye, Becca. You tell your Alika that if he makes you cry, you have a scary sister who's more than capable of kicking his ass." It occurred to me that she did not say anything about love, of loving her surfer. Oh, Becca._

_She had laughed. "Find someone fast, Rachel. You deserve this happiness too. Now I really have to go. I love you."_

"_I love you too. Bye, Rebecca."_

I never saw that sister I said bye to again. "Do you remember when we promised each other when we were little girls that we will have babies at the same time so our kids can be best friends?"

Yes, I remembered. We had repeated that promise over and over when we were growing up. I never kept that promise. Choosing instead to wait for Nessie to get pregnant first, having gotten Paul to agree with my plans that our children and Jake's children would be born in the same year, so the cousins can be close. How easily I had taken the plans I made with one sibling and used it with another.

"Rebecca, I was thirty-five when I had Keegan. My clock was ticking," guilt consumed me for yet another injustice I did to my sister.

"It's okay. Don't feel bad. I'm sure if I had a young husband, I would do everything in my powers to keep him tied to me too. And what better way to tie a man than with a child."

I should have known her decent mood wouldn't have lasted. And although Paul was four years younger than me, I stopped reflecting on it or even feeling the age difference once I truly fell in love with him. He was literally my other half from the start, my missing half. Everything I was, he enhanced, every plan and ambition I had, he made it worth achieving. And if I was truly honest with myself, he was the level headed one in our relationship. I kept his quick temper in check and made elaborate plans for our future, while he moderates my impulsive compulsions, my flights of escapism, my frequent guilt trips and actually takes the necessary steps to bring my plans to fruition.

"Do you ever think, that maybe if I hadn't left with Alika, I would have snagged Paul? He might have chosen me had he seen me first, we're identical after all."

"Paul _loves_ me," I whispered. I knew she was stringing me along and yet knowingly, I let her. The guilt I feel always makes me let her take a few stabs at me. Besides, Paul more than loves me. Paul imprinted on me. But she has no way of knowing that, and that secret should always be kept from her.

"Does he? Don't forget how he came on to me!"

And that was my limit. "Rebecca, I've been holding my tongue as much as I could. And I know I'm ten kinds of a fool for forgiving you for everything that you did over and over. But bring that up one more time and I swear I'll–I'll…"

She started crying. "Why won't you believe me? Why?"

"I'm hanging up now," I said, and I did.

I would never forget that horrible time in our lives. How Rebecca had hinted constantly that Paul had been making passes at her. We were living in Forks back then. I was still the Resident Pathologist in the Hospital at Forks and Shipo was just coming up, I was continuing my studies part time too. Paul worked hard, he's always worked hard, and after that he would patrol. And it was a time of struggling for us, having taken a second mortgage on the small house we owned back then for Paul to put his share into the business. Shipo hadn't been an overnight success and I was so immensely proud of my brother and my husband with how they persevered to build something of themselves.

It was during this hectic time of our lives that Rebecca had planted a tiny seed of doubt and I was the fool who let that doubt take root. Because I started noticing the way she would brush up against Paul, always touching his arm or his back when she talks to him. I also noticed how careful Paul would be to put space between him and Rebecca, how he would deliberately snub her. And I had thought that maybe that was his smoke screen and just maybe, maybe they were having an affair.

And when Paul had tried to talk to me about it, I thought he was trying to cover his tracks. And that had blown up into a full argument and I'd turned accuser.

"_You're screwing her, aren't you? You're screwing my own sister!"_

"_Your sister is a fucking skank and I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole!" Paul had thundered at me. "Fucking hell, Rachel! I love you! I would never do that to you!"_

"_Don't lie to me, Paul! If it's over between us, just tell me. We're not tied down with children, we can end this right now and walk away easily."_

_He had grabbed me by my upper arms, lifting me up to bring me to his eye-level and a part of me had been frightened that maybe I had pushed him too far. _

"_You know when it'll be over between us?" He had whispered in a dangerous voice and all of a sudden, while he was still Paul the man, I could see the wolf. It was the wolf in him that was talking and I was scared. What if he hurts me like Sam hurt Emily? He was already bruising me where his hands squeezed me so tight. "It will be over when a fucking leech tears my heart out of my chest. Until then, you belong to me. And I belong to you. Do you understand me, Rachel Winters?"_

_I could only nod, the ability to form words having left me. "Mine!" he had roared before shoving me on to the couch and walking out of the house. To date, that was the roughest he has ever treated me when angry. I had run after him, contrite over my own behavior but he had pushed me back into the house._

"_Rach, gonna phase. Stay inside, please."_

_The please did it. I obeyed._

Two days later, I had come home early knowing that Paul had pulled an all-nighter patrol and was catching up on sleep. Things were still a little awkward between us and I wanted to make it up to him with dinner and hopefully some loving. Although I do shoot my mouth off, I really didn't want things to be over between us. I would fight for my marriage, I would fight for my husband. I love him too much. Little did I expect, when I threw the door open, to find a furious Paul, strangling a naked Rebecca.

"_Paul! Paul, stop! Let her go!" I screamed, dropping everything in my arms to run to them. My hands on him pulled him from the furious rage he was in and he let her go abruptly. Then he started trembling as he stared at his hands in horror. I didn't realize that I had been crying._

"_What happened? Oh my God, Rebecca, are you alright? Paul, what happened?"_

"_He—He raped me, Rachel," Rebecca started crying between bouts of coughing. "He raped me, he raped me. Your husband raped me!"_

_Paul had started shaking so badly, more than before, that his form was beginning to blur. "Go, Paul, go on, get out of here," I urged. I knew he phased easily when he was angry and I knew of the dangers of being too close to the pack when they're angry enough to phase._

_He ran out and once he left the house, it was easy enough to shoot down every accusation she had made. I was a qualified pathologist and I was doing a second major in forensics. There was no way I was going to believe that my husband had raped her when there was not a shred of evidence to prove it. _

_But there was no denying that he was trying to kill her. Had I walked in two minutes later, perhaps I would be thinking of ways to hide her body. It was frightening, the kind of thoughts I was resorting to. But right now, with her cries of rape, things just went beyond physical evidence for me. Something deep inside me, you could call it instinct, but somehow it was stronger than instinct, and it told me that no, Paul wouldn't have touched her, he wouldn't have touched anyone. He's been devoted to me since the day we met. Honesty and faithfulness was something deeply ingrained in him. In a way, that had been one of the things that had attracted me to him. And it was all just so crystal clear to me suddenly._

Threatening her to silence and kicking her out of my house happened easily enough, but finding Paul after that was not as easy. I had to get Jake involved and of all things to be freaking out about, Paul had been more upset about how he had almost killed Rebecca. For a big man who turned into a giant wolf, a man who fought and killed vampires, he was certainly shaken over having almost lost control and killing a human. It never occurred to him that I could have believed my sister over him. That only made me love him more.

He'd told both Jake and me that he had been sound asleep when she had crawled naked into our bed. He had thought she was me for a moment but nothing had happened. He had realized early and his temper had just exploded.

I didn't want my father to know of this and both my husband and brother had reluctantly agreed. I felt that news of this sort, knowledge that Rebecca would stoop to that level would kill my father. But from that day forward, Paul had become overly critical of Rebecca. He had a problem with everything she did. He didn't want her in our house, he didn't want to go anywhere where she might be. I gave in to almost all his demands except the ones of writing her completely out of my life, and family gatherings at my father's. And I loved him even more when he would place himself in the line of danger, between my sister who he hates and my brother who he considers his brother too. Every time Jake loses control, it is Paul who plays the buffer and holds him back. Paul, my Paul. Just because he knows how devastated I'd be if anything happened to my brother or my sister. And I just needed him suddenly, Paul. He makes everything better not just for our little boys, but for me as well.

I stumbled clumsily into the bedroom and found that Paul had already taken our sleeping boys into their rooms and he sat waiting for me by the side of the bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. We stared at each other for a moment, crying always made my nose red and my eyes puffy and there was no way for me to hide the fact that I had been crying. He hates it when I cry.

"Come here," was all he said as he opened his arms and I ran into them.

We lay back in bed and cuddled. Being held by him makes all my ghosts, fears and insecurities disappear. People think that I'm tough and capable of anything. Some people say I'm a strong person. But that's not true. Until Paul came into my life, I was always scared. Scared of the future, scared how I'd end up, scared that people would realize what a fake I am. I was also insecure and lonely. I always put up the fearless front. The truth is, _he _makes me strong. The love and faith he has in me, makes me the successful person I am. He exasperates me sometimes, but he also makes me laugh, he keeps me on my toes and he makes me wait impatiently for tomorrow just so we could do it all over again.

"Paul?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think if I hadn't left –"

"Rebecca wouldn't have turned out the way she did?" I guess hearing it over and over again, he's now able to finish my sentences. "Do you really think that if you hadn't left, she would have found a job? Had a career? I don't think so, babes. And I really wish you would listen to me and stop having anything to do with her. Seriously, the Rudolph look doesn't work for you," he said bringing his hand up to tweak my red nose and then hesitating. "I'd touch your nose, but it's probably full of snot right now."

I started laughing. "Jerk!"

"No, seriously. You cry every time you talk to her. That's why I tell you not to take her calls. Do you listen? No. Of course you won't."

"Shut up, Winters," I said as I rolled on top of him.

We stayed like that for a little while. I liked it when we held each other like this, contact and quiet moments like these always comforts me. He always comforts me. And most of all, he knows when to cut me some slack. He never attacks when I'm already down. I stayed in his arms for a little longer, then I just had to tell him.

"She brought up the rape accusations again. She also said you would have chosen her had you seen her first."

He snorted but did not say anything. I had to sit up so I could look into his eyes. "What?"

He tugged on a lock of my hair. "I always had excellent taste. I always went for class, not crass. You should have seen my first love. She was a real hottie."

"_You_ had a first love, Winters?" I asked coolly.

"Of course I did. Look how handsome I am. I had a second love, a third love—oopph."

"Pig!" I declared before I retracted my elbow lay down over him again. Whatever his faults are, he is an excellent mattress. "But do you think you could have imprinted on her had you met her first? I mean, she's my identical twin."

"Rach, you've got to stop believing the nonsense they fed you as a kid. She's not your identical twin. She looks a little bit like you, yeah. But you're like a gorgeous sex-kitten and she's like a hardcore cougar. And if the spirit that made me imprint on you had picked her for me instead, I would have found him and kicked his spiritual ass until he changed his fucked up match-making and tied you to me instead. I'm the big bad wolf and he better not fuck with me."

"That's how you make me feel better?" I demanded, sitting up and pinching his stomach.

He pulled me down on top of him and slid his hands slowly down my body until they rested on my butt, slowly massaging my pelvis into his, letting me know of his intentions. "No, but I have other ways to—oopph—Rachel! Not the elbow in the gut thing again. It's not funny, woman! One day you're gonna miss and do serious damage to Wolfenstein. And then what are you going to do?"

"Wolfenstein? What happened to little Paul?" I grinned.

"He's not so little anymore," Paul said smugly and I had to laugh.

He kissed the laughter out of my mouth before he rolled me to my back, and just before I lost the ability to think, I realized that some might say he was distracting me, something he was very, very good at. But that was just the sex part. What Paul does for me goes beyond that. He puts my mind at ease, he turns my tears to laughter and me makes my heart feel so full and warm.

Then when I was boneless and completely sated, with not a single thought of my sister in my mind, he pulled me closer, manhandling me like he always does, re-arranging my body like I was his personal blowup-doll that he could cuddle and squeeze until he got comfortable. I sighed noisily. This was something I had to train myself to get used to. Sleeping with Paul had become a whole new experience from the first day I had fallen asleep in his arms. Sometimes I worry about Keegan and his octopus. The way he manhandles that toy reminds me of Paul and me, and I guess someday there was going to be a girl out there who would wake up every time her husband rolls over in bed, because most probably, he would be rolling over with her in his arms. I grinned to myself. I liked that thought. And suddenly I just wanted to kiss Paul, the need was just so overwhelming so I turned over in his arms, pressing myself tightly to him, causing him to grumble, even as I was kissing him.

"After all I do for you, you've gotten my chest all wet, woman!" he laughed.

I struggled out of his tight hold. "I'm lactating, you jerk! I can't help it!" He let me go reluctantly and when I came back after feeding Logan, I stood by the bed and watched my sleeping wolf for a moment.

"I know I don't tell you this often enough, but I'm ever so thankful that you fell in love with me," I said softly. I really was thankful. I could have ended up some scumbag the way Rebecca had.

"That's not all I did, woman, I also made your toes curl, your—oopph! Rachel!"

"I love you, Paul Winters," I declared as I made myself comfortable on top of him.

"Yeah, yeah. You have strange ways of showing it," he grumbled through my giggles.

_A/N : Kind of different from Chapter 1. Very, very different from 'How the Mighty Fall'. What did you think?_


	3. Chapter 3 : Blood Red

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

I'm so sorry for the delay. My fault entirely. I watched 'Game of Thrones' recently and Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) sort of caught my eye (he's such a hunk and I was thinking maybe he could be my late 30's Jacob Black.. hehe) and I just had to read the book and then quickly started on 'Clash of the Kings' as well. Everyone's mad at me now, friends and family and oh yeah, my boss. So I figured I owed it to Jen not to waste her money on flight tickets so she could fly down, take the book away and kick my ass, and I finally put my attention to writing. Thanks for Jen for prodding me and giving me inspirations and ideas. This chapter wouldn't have been possible without her.

Thanks also to all of you who've been waiting patiently. I hope I've not lost any one of you. And please don't hate me after reading this chapter.. hehehe.. hint hint hint..

**The Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 3: Blood Red**

_**Rachel**_

I rolled my shoulders, trying to shake the stiffness out. It had been a busy week, my first week back to the hustle and bustle of running my own crime lab. I looked up at the framed pictures on my desk, specifically one of Paul holding a minutes-old Logan in the palm of his hands as Keegan beamed down at his baby brother. I loved my job, it was a dream come true for me to be able to do this, but somehow, lately all I feel like doing is staying home with my boys. It's funny how with all my ambitious plans, after working hard all my life to achieve a career that I wanted and loved, that it all became sort of anti-climatic after the joys of mommyhood.

I'd started out in pathology in the beginning, in accordance to my plans with a small change. My years as a practicing pathologist got longer because suddenly my plans included Paul and he needed my help for college. But my years of running blood and urine samples at the Forks Hospital during Paul's college days put a damper on things for me, and once Paul graduated and was gainfully employed, he encouraged me to go back to school while he supported me instead. We remained in our cramped one bedroom apartment longer than we'd intended and I did as he suggested, taking up forensics and criminology.

Looking back now, I think the first eight to ten years of our marriage was always tight, another reason why we held off having children until we were both really ready and older. First, I worked while Paul studied, then Paul worked while I studied. Then both of us worked to be able to buy a small house in Forks. That house held a lot of memories, both happy and bittersweet, and although we had sold it to move to a bigger place when we could afford it, I still smile on the occasions that we drive past it. It was the first major thing we bought as husband and wife. As silly as it seems, back then, it felt like we were finally making grown up decisions, especially when we got a second mortgage on it just so Paul could put his twenty percent into Shipo.

He worked two jobs back then, Shipo and some freelance web designing on the side, while putting in his full patrol hours. In all honesty, I was the scientist with the recognition, but at twenty-eight, Paul made his first million, giving us the lifestyle I never had the guts to imagine. And a little over five years ago, he financed my lab in Seattle, and enabled me to land a government contract, working on cold case files. He also bought me a lovely Spanish-inspired mansion in Seattle with a gorgeous view of Elliot Bay and the Marina. We were two poor kids from a tiny little reservation and on the day he had carried me over the threshold of our Seattle mansion, Paul had declared 'The Winters have arrived'. Yup, we definitely did, but it was mostly my husband's doing and I tell him that everyday even if he keeps brushing this aside.

I love what I do, I really do. I knew early on that I would be crap at treating living people. Like Paul says, I have really horrible bedside manners and absolutely no patients for idiots. But I have always been a nerd, albeit a sexy one as my husband says it and years back, during a private heart to heart moment with Rosalie Cullen and finding out the story behind her transformation, got me thinking really hard. What had happened to her had been tragic and had Carlisle not found her when he did, then her rapists would have walked free and her death would have been in vain. Forgotten and buried the way her birth parents apparently did forget her. She was lucky in a way, and when Emmett came into her life, luckier I guess. But what about all the other tragic cases in the world? The John Does and Jane Does who lay forgotten somewhere? That bothered me, and that was what pushed me into this field. Over the last five years, together with the help of my hand picked team, we've put faces on many long gone victims and tell their stories, to bring justice for them and lock away evil. Doing this gives me a sense of purpose. But I'm a mommy too and it was getting harder and harder to shed the mommy mantel and put on the bitchy Dr. Winters one.

"Hey, it's the boss lady."

I looked up as Noah Demarcus, one of my new lab techs, sort of sauntered into my room. He had been hired during my absence and his resume was spotless. But he had this annoying habit of trying to act funny with me and I was fast reaching my limit of tolerance.

"What did you call me?" I asked in a cold voice as he perched himself at the end of my desk.

"Boss lady. Because that's what you are. My boss and you're a lady, a fine lady. I know a cozy little bistro downtown, can I interest you in dinner and some drinks?"

"Mr. Demarcus, I would like you to remember something very important. I don't like people trying to come on to me, I don't like people trying to suck up to me and I especially don't like young punks like you who actually think lines like that are sexy. I would like you to remember that if you cross the line one more time, or you walk into my office uninvited, that would be the end of your employment with me. Do you understand me?"

He shot off my desk like it was on fire and stood there with his head hanging down, twin blothes of color on his high cheeks. "Yes, ma'am," he whispered softly.

I noticed his eyes straying to the framed photographs on my desk. I pushed one of Paul closer to him. "That's my husband Paul. Do you know what he'd do if I told him about you?" Noah gulped as he shook his head. "He would turn you into a cold case file that they'd only start working on fifty-years from now. So I'd suggest from now on, when you step into this building, you remove all thoughts of socializing from your mind, and do what you were paid to do."

He nodded again as he started back off towards the door. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean anything. I'm sorry."

"And Mr. Demarcus," I called out and he paused just at the doorway. "It's Dr. Winters to you."

"Yes ma'am, Dr. Winters ma'am," he stuttered before he ran out.

I laid my head on my crossed arms after he left. I really wanted to go home. I hate all of this. Putting people down isn't as fun as it used to be. I snorted to myself.

"Rachel? Got a minute?" I looked up again and nodded as Linda, my right hand in the lab, walked in. "I need some advice."

"What is it?" I asked as I glanced up at the clock. If I left within the next ten minutes, I would probably be able to give Keegan a bath and sit with him while he had his dinner, hold Logan and breathe in his lovely milk and baby powder smell. I knew Phyllis our live-in nanny would have everything under control on the home front but I wanted to be there.

"I picked up this case, over eighteen years old. Rape, murder with some mutilation thrown in. They arrested a fifteen year old kid and tried him and found him guilty, and he's been locked up ever since. The case and evidence hasn't been touched since the day the kit was sealed. Her clothes, underwear, purse, everything was in there with blood and semen stains. No DNA found on the evidence links the kid."

"But you found someone else's DNA?"

She nodded. "A pubic hair along with the semen stains. I ran it through CODIS. Both belonged to a Dr. Richard Hammond. There was also a bloody fingerprint on the purse. I don't know how they missed that eighteen years ago, unless it was deliberate. I mean, my ten-year old nephew would have caught everything."

I watched her, not saying anything. I liked my team to speak their minds without me having to prompt them and I found out early on that when I let the silence stretch, people usually liked to fill it with information they originally had no intention of sharing. "I looked him up. He was in the system because two years ago, one of his patients pressed charges against him, claiming he drugged and raped her. He killed himself before his trial started."

"Your job ends in the lab."

"It is. I know. I couldn't help it. I was just curious. The kid was fifteen, Rachel, it touched something in me."

"You're a scientist Linda, you can't let emotions get in the way," I turned my attention to my e-mails.

"I know. But what were you doing when you were fifteen, Rachel? What have you been doing for the past eighteen years? This boy lost like an important chunk of his life."

My father had lost the use of his legs when I was fifteen. My mother had died in that same accident that crippled my father. A lot has happened from then to the day I met Paul. I have been with him for the past eighteen years, married for the past fourteen. "What did you find out?" I asked. Honestly, sometimes I am guilty too, of not being able to treat a victim as a case number.

"This kid, his arresting officer was one Lieutenant Michael Hammond."

"Hammond?" I was surprised, although not really shocked. The sad truth was, this wouldn't be the first cover up that we've come across.

"Yes. Michael Hammond, brother to one Richard Hammond. Rachel, I can't file this like all the other cases and hope justice is done. I'm scared that it would get buried once more."

"Give me what you have," I said tiredly. "I'll call the Commissioner." This was easily going to take a couple of hours.

Once Linda rushed out of my office to get me the things I requested, I called Paul. "Hey," he answered.

"Hey," I knew I sounded whiney but I couldn't help it. "I'm going to be late."

"Working late? Isn't that like a code to say you're having an affair?" he laughed.

"Pig!"

"Hey Rach, guess what? I'm working late too. She's blonde and –"

"Winters!" I laughed. "It's not funny, you jerk."

He laughed softly and I smiled. I love his laugh. "Hey, you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah. Paul? Why is there so much evil in the world?" I asked as I massaged my forehead.

"Because, the world doesn't have enough superheroes like you," he said in a matter of fact tone.

"Right!" I laughed. "You're the one with the super powers, out there really fighting evil–"

"Major difference," he cut me off. "Can you talk about your case?"

"You know I can't give you details, but it looks like a fifteen-year old boy was wrongly convicted and he's been locked up for the past eighteen years."

"Eighteen years, huh? That's how long we've been together. Geez, I know how that kid feels."

"Shut up, you jerk!" I laughed.

"I don't know which is worst. Making love to the same woman for eighteen years with no variety to spice things up, or—"

"Winters!" I cut him off with a laugh, despite the seriousness of the situation, he always does this to me, lifts up my spirits when I'm in the pits of despair. "You know what? This new kid made a pass at me."

"I knew working late was a code. Is he better looking than me?" Paul mock growled.

I grinned. "No one is better looking than you. And besides, I put the fear of Paul in him."

"Good, good," I could hear the smirk in his voice, then in a softer tone, "Rach? What's really bothering you, huh?"

"I want to go home," now I was really whining and I felt close to tears too.

"Now I know where Keegan gets that whiney tone from," he snickered. "How long before you wrap things up over there? It's Friday babe, you don't work tomorrow and you get to have an overdose of the boys," he always tries to sooth me.

"I don't know. I'll try to hurry."

"Want me to come get you? I can carry you out, won't let anyone stop me. Plus I get to check out my competition."

I laughed. "No competition. He's a skinny little thing." Talking to Paul is like recharging my batteries. And I tend to call him a lot. The silly things he says always gives me a boost of energy to carrying on with work for a little while more. If I didn't have Paul in my life, I guess all these cases I work on would have turned me into a permanently depressed person.

And after that, I quickly got buried in Linda's case with calls between the Commissioner, the DA and the Chief of Police. When I surfaced again, the silence of the building and the clock on the wall made me realize that I was alone in the office and it was 9:30.

"Crap," I cursed softly as rolled my shoulders once more. I was tired and I didn't get to spend time with Keegan before his bedtime. I slowly put everything away, careful to lock up the evidence files. Then I lugged my laptop case, my case containing my breast pump, the carrier with the bottles I had already filled and my purse to my car. I'd almost driven out to the exit of the parking lot when I realized that I had forgotten my briefcase. I paused in front of the exit ramp, wondering, wondering. Should I run in and get it? I wanted to read up on some reports and some employee evaluations when I had some free time over the weekend. I could come back tomorrow for the files, but then I was just here, in front of my building. How long would it take for me to run up to the office and run back down to the car? The boys would be asleep already. What's another two minutes? I should just run and get it now right?

_**Paul**_

I tucked Keegan into bed and then checked in on Logan. It wasn't the first time that Rachel or I had to work late and Keegan was quite used to it. Phyllis, our live-in nanny was heaven sent to Rachel and me. We hired her from an agency before Keegan was born and over the years, it felt like she became a member of the family in her quiet and un-intrusive ways. She knew when to step in and take over and when to back off and leave us with the kids.

But it was hell living with someone not in on the secret, especially when it comes to disappearing in the middle of the night in just a pair of shorts. Sometimes I wonder what she must think as she watches me go for a midnight jog, in full running gear just to throw her off. Rachel had once giggled and told me that Phyllis had rather guardedly advised her to watch me as I may be jogging off to visit a mistress and that became our code for a little while.

"_Hey honey, I'm off to visit my mistress."_

"_Okay dear, remember, be safe."_

We were not sure if Phyllis would have been listening on the baby monitor but it cracked us up anyway.

"Hey Phyllis, Rachel isn't back yet and I'm going for a run," I told her as I walked out of the nursery. She nodded with a sniff and I hid my grin.

I had a mini pack here in Seattle. Leon, Tokala, Zeke, Brady, Scar, Lil' G and Luka were all settled in Seattle. Of course it takes us just under forty minutes to run to La Push as wolves, but we patrolled in Seattle, just around the residential areas of family while the La Push guys patrol around Forks, La Push and Port Angeles. Rachel makes jokes about feudal liege lords and what not, but the truth is, and I don't know how it happened, but these guys report to me like I was some pseudo Alpha, and I report to Jake with Tokala acting as my beta.

I realized pretty fast that being in charge of a mini-pack went beyond just handling patrolling schedules, and taking down vamps. It included playing big brother to the guys in Seattle as well and somehow, I don't have the faintest idea how, I've been giving dating advice, sex advice, how to roll on a condom advice, dressing advice and once in a while, even homework advice. It made me realize just what a bigger chunk of this that Jake handles and I thank whoever needs thanking that I didn't end up the actual Alpha through some twist of fate.

This wasn't a role that I had wanted. Not by a long shot. I loved what I do in Shipo and I love my family. And when Rachel first got pregnant with Keegan, I wanted to retire from the pack. It seemed like the right time. Sam and Jared retired when they became fathers so I felt that was what I should do too. I am currently the oldest active wolf, being the second to phase after Sam. But it wasn't as easy as Sam makes it look. But with things happening, newborns being created and all, it dawned on me that it wasn't exactly the right time. Then after the kick-ass newborn extermination exercise we held in Seattle, it occurred to me that Seattle was now home to my family, and somehow a vampire had actually turned my backyard into a vampire factory and it shook me. Shook me that I had my wife and son here and Seattle wasn't as safe as La Push. How could I stop phasing then? And Rachel, my amazing, amazing wife, never once does she demand my retirement. I know she prefers me home with her at night, I know she worries when I'm gone or if she knows there was a take down, it would be so easy for her to demand that I retire. Then with the guys slowly settling in Seattle and the younger guys coming here for college, it was Rachel who said it wasn't time for me to retire. These kids need me. She also thinks I should go on phasing till Keegan and Logan join the pack, saying that it would be good for our boys if I had them at hand. But I really don't think that's going to happen. I'm giving myself just a couple of years more with the pack. Then I guess it would be the right time to slowly start graying.

I jogged down my driveway, heading for the woods at the end of the road where I could strip and hide my shirt and shoes. But the dumbass two houses down was outside, obviously just returning from his jog and he called out to me.

"A little late for a jog, Paul?

"Fine night for a jog actually," I replied, but who really cares about jogging? I heard a muffled snort from the woods and knew that Leon and Lil' G were there waiting for me. I grinned and waved at my neighbor as I jogged past him, slightly tempted to stop and tell him that I was actually on my way to see my mistress but then decided against it as I didn't quite fancy a neighborhood gossip starting up. It would piss Rachel off. I made it to the edge of the woods when it hit me, a force so strong that I staggered.

Leon grabbed me as I went down on my knees and he dragged me into the woods. I couldn't control the shakes that started and I struggled to control the need to phase. Goddammit, I've felt this once before. It was like a sudden intense attack of acid in my fucking stomach, enveloping my entire inside and burning. Fuck, I need to call Jake.

"Paul? Paul, what's wrong?" Lil' G called out worriedly as Leon pushed him away from me.

"Don't get too close. He's loosing control. Paul? Talk to me?"

"Call Jake," I wheezed out as I struggled to pull my shirt off, while maintaining control and staying doubled over. "Rachel. Trouble."

And then I was wolf.

_**Rachel**_

What I have is a two story building, but the basement goes down three stories. And while we had all the offices in the two upper floors, we had all our labs, cold rooms and evidence lockers locked away in the basements.

Since I had been working on paperwork and phone calls, I had been in my office on the second floor and that's where I headed, scanning my access card at every door way and punching in my security number where required. When the elevator doors opened, a chill ran down my spine. Something was off, I didn't know how I knew it, but I just knew it.

I felt my jacket pocket and cursed softly to myself. My phone and purse were locked up in the car and all I had now was the car keys and the office keys. I pressed the office keys between all my fingers. My father had thought me this trick when I had first left home. Punching someone with a makeshift nunchuck was bound to create some damage. If it was anyone apart from the damn janitor, I hope I get to gauge his eye balls out.

But then, it's all in my head, isn't it? The security system here was up to military standards. No one would be able to get in without the alarm going off or the guards or dogs alerted. I'm imagining all this, aren't I? I slowly walked towards my office. But if anyone would want to break in, and be really good at breaking in, what would they want from my lap? Evidence tampering, that's what. What if someone who helped cover up Linda's case was here in my lap right now, ready to destroy what we have collected? I quickened my steps. No way, was that going to happen. Not if I can help it. Something told me to run, to come back with the security guards, but I was angry, unreasonably angry. What kind of a horrid person would let a child take the blame and punishment for something he didn't do? But sometimes, my imagination gets really wild. Was this me having another of my flights of fancy?

I stood outside my office door and took a deep breath before I scanned my card once more and punched in my security pin and the outer door opened with a soft hiss. I wish Paul was here. I always felt safer with him, braver too. Then I reached out to the inner door with the key, ready to insert it into the keyhole when the door slowly opened. Not completely, just fell open, slightly ajar. And my heart started a furious gallop. That really happened, right? Or am I just exhausted and having flights of delusion? This only happened in ghost stories and my office isn't haunted. I pushed the door and it quietly swung completely open, catching on the magnet against the wall and staying open. I took a step in and turned on the overhead lights and looked at my desk and the evidence locker and the wall hiding my safe. Everything looked undisturbed, but why was I feeling so scared? This is not the first time I've worked late, or been here alone.

Shaking off the trepidation, I took a couple of steps into the room, heading straight for my briefcase. The sooner I got out of here and back home, the better I would feel. It was only when I turned back to the door that I noticed the huge figure leaning against the closed door. He was white, with dark brown hair and he slouched with his head down. I didn't recognize him, although it seemed like there was something familiar about him.

I stumbled backwards in shock, stopping when I reached my desk and feeling the tabletop frantically with my hands behind my back, I grabbed the scissors I'd left out. When Paul finds out about this, he's going to be really pissed.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" I snapped.

It has to be the case. Where were the guards? Why didn't the alarm go off? If he thinks he was going to get past me and hamper with my evidence, then he's got another thing coming. There are over thirty two major pressure points on a human body and I knew how to inflict damage on quiet a few of them.

Trying to control the trembling of my hands, I reached for the phone on my desk. "I'm calling security, so I suggest you run along before they get here."

He looked up then, slowly. I watched in as if from a dream as he slowly straightened up from his slouched position. I took in how much broader his shoulders got, how much taller he looked suddenly. He was definitely taller than Paul, but Jake would still tower over him. And then he slowly raised his head to look up at me. He was good looking I thought as I took in his rugged features and my heart skipped a beat as I looked into his eyes. Wide, expressive eyes, set under straight brows, watchful eyes and they were red…Blood red.

_A/N : Tada! The first cliffie of the story. Feedback please! _


	4. Chapter 4 : Ballistic Berry Blue

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

Ok, sorry I disappeared once more. Good news, I finished reading all 5 books that George Martin has published. So I'm free to live my imaginations and write once again.. at least until he releases book 6 and 7.

My thanks to all my dearest reviewers, for sticking with me despite all my 'distractions'. I'm back now. For good I think. My thanks also to Jen. She was online with me while I wrote most of this chapter and instead of needing to look something up, all I had to do was ask her and she checked. Made me feel like an important writer.. hehehe. Thanks Jen. I owe you big time.

So lots of you thought that vamp was Terrance Harper or someone from his vigilante group. Hhmm.. Tell me what you think when you've finished reading this chapter. I want to know what you think of my latest crazy idea.

**The Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 4: Ballistic Berry Blue**

_**Paul**_

I ran. I didn't care what was in my path. I headed in a straight direction to where Rachel was. I crashed through trees and shrubs, not caring as branches broke apart, when small trees fell, all from the way I crashed past them. Leon and Lil' G were trying their damnedest to stop me, they were in my head.

'_Paul! Stop!' _Someone yelled right into my brain.

'_Wait man, please wait. Let's get Jake. Please. Please,'_ someone else was pleading but despite all that, they were working together to stop me, pouncing on me, tackling me down to the ground and trying to hold me down.

I would have killed them. Fuck! I wanted to kill them. They were trying to stop me. We crashed through a railway barrier and hurtled past a group of hikers who scrambled back in panic as three giant wolves raced past. The sound of breathing was in my head, blocking out everything. It was like the sound of panting. Heavy panting and a sharp keening blended together. I had to get to her, I had to get to her. She was scared. Of God, she was so scared. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hey Spirits! If you're really there, help her! She's so scared. She's in danger. Oh God. Oh Fuck.

One of them leapt on my back, and the force of it knocked me off my feet and both of us rolled, down a steep incline and crashed into a whole load of vegetation. I growled as I grabbed him, letting my teeth sink where ever they pleased, and with a toss of my head, I flung him. He crashed into a tree with a yelp, the base of it splintering and the tops of the tree falling down onto him. Then I turned to stare up at the other wolf, he stood at the top of the incline, a little more cautious than the one I had flung. He wanted to stop me. I could see his eyes, but yet he was scared. I could see that in his eyes too. But I didn't care about him. _Rachel_…I had to get to her. Oh God, she was scared. I tried to scramble up the incline but it was too steep and I rolled back down, scraping a gash down my side from the exposed roots of some tree. I shook myself and ran along the edge, trying to find foothold to get back to the top as I heard the wolf I had thrown stir behind me.

'_Fuck you, Paul! That fucking hurt!'_

'_Paul, please. Wait for Jake. Please wait for Jake.' _The other wolf was pleading inside my head.

I ignored them. Rachel. Rachel needs me. She's in danger. She's scared. That's all I cared about. That was the only thing I could focus on. I found foothold and I started scrambling up, sliding back several feet every now and then, either from the slippery climb or from the bastard behind me who was determined to pull me back down. I could taste the blood I'd drawn from him, the metallic taste of it almost bitter as he cursed at me. Why were they stopping me? Rachel is in trouble. Rachel is scared. Rachel needs me. The breathing and the keening sound was so loud in my head. There were other voices in there too but the breathing and the keening drowned everything else. Oh God, she's scared.

I finally reached the top of the incline and the second wolf stood in my way, lips pulled back to show his teeth, clearly a warning, but he was also scared. He was not quite ready to attack me. His ears went back as he licked his teeth and blinked once. '_Paul, Jake is on the way. I called him –'_

I growled or did I snarl? I didn't give a fuck who was on the way. She's scared. She's scared and she needs me. That was all that mattered. The breathing and the keening was still there. I didn't care. Right there, right past the highway behind Lil' G, was that his name? Right behind him, was a highway, I knew, then past it was a housing development in the works, a huge bare construction site and beyond that, the complex where Rachel's building was. I had to get to her. The wolf behind me scrambled up, limping.

'_You broke my foot, you bastard.'_

The wolf in front of me looked away from me to the wolf behind me and I took the opportunity to run again. And then they were both on me, cursing. I was yelling, screaming, I don't know what I was doing and then suddenly one of them was under me, staring up at me in panic and there it was, the soft underside of his neck, the fur there a much lighter shade than the rest of him. It was just a matter of ripping out his throat to get to Rachel. But the other wolf caught me, snapping his jaws over my snout, holding my mouth shut. The pain shot through me, from where I'd bit my tongue and where his teeth broke skin to hold me away from his friend's neck. I wanted to kill them. I had to kill them. I have to get to Rachel. The breathing and the keening was inside my head. They were both saying something, yelling at me, talking, just talking non-stop. '_Shut up!'_ I wanted to plead with them to shut the fuck up. Rachel is in danger. Rachel is scared. Rachel needs me. I have to get to her and I tried to tear my way past them.

'_Paul, stop!' _It was a command, this voice cut through the other voices. I wanted to push it away. I had to get to Rachel. '_STOP! Freeze right now!'_

There it was, the timber behind the voice. It was in my head but it was pure power and the strength in my legs gave out and I fell flat to the ground, trembling , shaking like a leaf in a rainstorm. The breathing and keening were louder than ever. Was that me? Oh God. That was me. I have to get to Rachel. She's in danger. She's scared. She needs me.

'_She's alive. I swear to you, she's alive and unhurt. I'm on my way, Paul. I want you to stay put until I get there!'_

'_Jake!' _It was Jake. He's the one stopping me. Why? Why? _'Jake! She's in danger. She's scared, man. She needs me. Let me go! Don't do this!'_

'_You're staying put till I get there. Damn Paul, she okay. I swear to you. We'll get her out. I swear.'_

'_I have to get to her! I have to get to her. She's in danger! She's scared! She needs me.'_

'_I'm almost there. Wait!'_

'_NO! Would you wait if it was your mate?'_

'_She's my sister. Wait!'_

_**Rachel**_

I found myself crumpled on the floor with my back against the wall. I held on to the scissors as if they were a life saver but all these years with Paul and learning about the enemy he fights, I just knew what there is to know about Vampires. I knew that they're basically invincible until they come face to face with my husband or my brother or one of their pack brothers, I knew that they sparkle in the sunlight, I knew that their eyes turn red when they feed from humans, and a beautiful golden brown when they feed from animals. I knew that if one of the wolves got bitten by a vampire, the venom is fatal unless they could be injected with the antidote which is the blood of one of my nephews. I knew that vampire venom would change me into a vampire in a painful three day process. And mostly, I knew that no matter how I fought or what I did, there was no way for me to fight this person, this red eyed vampire.

He watched me dispassionately from across the room and the fear made me shake. I glanced up at my desk and that picture of Paul and the boys just served to remind me just what it is that I have to fight for. But the tears came unbidden and I couldn't fight it. A sign of weakness, I knew that but I was scared, so very scared.

"Please, please don't do anything to me," I sobbed.

For some reason, my mind jumped to that day almost twenty-five years ago. I remember it was a rainy day and I was hunched over my homework at the kitchen table. My mother had repeated to me over and over again. "Rachel, please. Once the timer goes off, please, please remember to take the roast out of the oven." I had nodded absentmindedly as my mother placed the timer on the table in front of me and had left to pick my dad up. His boat had just come in after being at sea for weeks. But instead of my mom and dad, it had been Aunt Connie who had let herself in as I was setting the table. She rooted out Rebecca from the bedroom and Jake from in front of the TV and as gently as she could, she told us that life as we knew it was over. My mom was dead and my dad was fighting for his life. The life that we had attempted to pick up and live days after my mother's funeral was the flip side of everything I knew and loved. With her no longer around to be the glue that held my family together, we had just spiraled apart. But things were different now. I've been fighting so hard to keep what was left of us together. I can't let this happen again. My boys, they need me. My mother's last words to me were to take the roast out of the oven. I didn't want my last words to Keegan to be 'Be a good boy in school today'.

He shifted a little restlessly and my eyes flew to him again. "Please."

"You know what I am." It was a statement, not a question and I nodded through my tears.

"Please. I have children. They need me. Please. My little one, he's only three months old. He's a baby. My older boy, Keegan, he's four and he's learning so much and he's so smart," my voice broke on a sob. "My mother, she died when I was young. My family fell apart after that. My sister, my twin. She's in jail. If my mother hadn't died, things would have been different. Please. My little boys, they need a mother. They need me. I don't want them to end up in jail. Please, let me go."

"Rachel Winters. Wife to Paul Winters of Shipo Industries. He is in partnership with Jacob Black, your brother and Embry Call. Interestingly, they are both married to Cullens."

His words confused me. This was common knowledge. Why was he telling me this? "Please. Don't kill me."

He walked up to me then and I shrank back, holding the scissors out in front of me, but knowing all the same that it wouldn't make any difference with a vampire. "I could turn you, Rachel Winters. We don't necessarily kill all our prey." He knelt in front of me and held my eyes.

"No! Oh no! No please. Paul, Paul, he would—please don't."

"Would your husband leave you if you were turned?"

"No, never. But–but," I knew that no vampires outside the Cullen circle knew who the wolves were. Oh, they knew about the pack, but I doubted if they knew who amongst the citizens of Washington had the power to phase at will.

"Would the wolf still love a vampire? He might, you know. Your brother loves a half-vampire."

I gasped. He knew. I stared up at him, shocked, then I shook my head. "Please don't do this."

He reached out to touch my hair. "This hair will never turn grey. Your skin will never line. You will remain beautiful and young for all eternity."

With my hair wound around his finger, I didn't dare to pull away. "Please. No. Paul would never leave me. But he would be so conflicted. Please. I can't do that to him."

He released my hair and stood up. "I find it interesting, that not once have you begged for yourself but only for your children and husband. Why is that?"

"They are my life."

He stared at me for a long moment, scaring me again. Was he trying to decide if he was going to kill me or turn me? I just wanted him to let me go. "I don't have much time," he murmured softly. I had to strain to hear his words. "Please understand, it was either you or the little chef but I didn't think she would have brought Jacob Black to Seattle to hear me out."

"Why do you want my brother?" This was getting stranger and stranger.

"Your brother is a means to an end," he said as he leaned down and grasped me by my elbow to raise me to my feet. I stabbed at his arm hard, using all my strength as I brought the scissors down. But it hit his cold skin and slid, making a screeching sound like a nail on a blackboard before snagging on his sleeve. He shook the scissors free but my action did not anger him as I had feared. "If your brother comes and does what I need him to do, I will let you go. I promise you this."

"Why do you want my brother? Please. He's has children. You can't do anything to him," I turned when I heard a sound coming from a bundle he had left by the door.

"I need to reach the Cullens. I'm sorry Rachel Winters but I could find no other way to reach them. I could have tried to reach your brother directly, but it is very difficult for a vampire to step into Forks or La Push these days. You were the only option I had."

"I don't understand," I stammered as I toddled along beside him as he led me to his bundle of blankets. The blankets were moving and I heard a soft cry, almost like a kitten – or a baby. He peeled back the blankets and there it was, a baby with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. The baby stared up at us for a second before it screwed its little face up to let out this mewling cry. Despite the strangeness of the situation, I couldn't help but notice how the baby had all its teeth and yet, it was small, perhaps about Logan's size. But that cry, I knew that cry. I recognized that cry as only a mother could. The baby was hungry. My hands automatically reached for the baby, but the vampire pushed my hands away.

"No! He is venomous!"

_**Paul**_

I supposed it was on Jake's order, but Tokala was there. I watched as Lil' G and Leon phased and slipped into the clothes Tokala threw to them when he arrived in his Jeep. Like me, they had ripped out of their clothes in their mad rush to stop me. Tokala came and crouched by me, I was still angry, I wanted to hurt someone and I looked at him sideways with my teeth bared. He sighed.

"Come on, Paul. Phase back. Let's get you guys to Rachel's lab. She's okay man. Jake said to tell you that. And Seth needs to take a look at Leon. You've done quiet a job on him." He looked me over critically. "I think you'd benefit from some doctoring too."

When he said that, I could suddenly feel all the aches and the sogginess of my fur where the blood had soaked in. What had I done to Leon? I turned to look at him and he grimaced as he tried to slip his broken arm into his shirt. The bone was already beginning to heal badly and I knew that Seth would have to break it again in order to reset it, the rest of him was bloody and bruised. He caught me looking and he shook his head.

"Geez man, now I know why they used to call you the berserker. I've never seen this side of you before. You must've been a real scary motherfucker in your prime, huh?"

I turned away and rested my head on the ground once more. They both would have been dead if I was still the old Paul. I knew it was Jake's order which I had trouble fighting that had me glued to the ground right now but suddenly, I just felt disgusted with myself, I'd almost killed my brothers. I could still feel Rachel. She's alive, that much I knew, I could still feel her. But that blind fear that had consumed her was gone and that could mean the situation had calmed somewhat for her. But I still needed to get to her before the situation changes once more.

Tokala went on talking. "Jake, Embry, Seth, Dennis and Collin are out at Rachel's lab already. Scar, Scott and Luka are also there. Jake wanted me to come and get you. He wants to go in and he thinks you need to come with him."

I phased. I needed to go see Rachel and right now it looked like cooperating with them would help me get to her sooner than fighting my way through. I could feel all the cuts on my flanks and shoulders. My face was torn up pretty badly and just touching it made me wince. I pulled on the clothes that Tokala passed to me almost mechanically. I was no longer listening to much of what Tokala was saying, but I heard words like 'guards out cold, security camera's reangled, Jake and FBI.'

"If the FBI caught wind of any sort of breach, even if its one of us, all the evidence stored in there is considered tainted. Every deadbeat criminal they'd put away walks free. I guess Jake was thinking far ahead," Leon gave his input.

I sighed. It was Jake who managed to think far ahead. Not me. I should have been the one thinking of Rachel's passions before I reacted like the mad fool I was. I knew how important the lab was to her, how important the cases were to her. I should have been the one to come up with a plan before reacting. If Jake hadn't taken charge, god knows what a mess I would have made for Rachel and also for the pack secret.

When we got to the lab, Tokala drove straight to the end of the lot where Seth's Range Rover was parked. Seth had the trunk open and he was sitting in the back with his feet hanging out and his phone glued to his ear. He stayed silent as he let his eyes run over Leon and me. Leon was worst off than me and I could see it in Seth's eyes when he came to the same conclusion but before he could say anything, Leon spoke up.

"Do Paul first, man. Let him get to Rachel ASAP. She shouldn't see him looking like this."

Guilt filled me. Leon tore my face protecting Lil' G from me. And yet here they were standing up for me even after the way I had almost killed them both. Jake still had me under his control, I knew. That's why I was still in this numb state. I sat when Seth pushed me to the open trunk of his car and I let him spray some stuff that burnt to clean up the cuts before he held a thick piece of gauze to my face, I could feel the flesh knitting and reconnecting itself. We healed fast, but it would still take a couple of hours before I looked normal again. He did the same thing to my shoulders and the backs of my legs, but he had to staple the gash I had on my side, I guess that came from the fall down that incline. And then he let me go. I walked off with Tokala as an escort to where I knew Jake would be.

Jake was standing by the front door, talking softly with Dennis and Embry when I walked up. He looked me over as he let Dennis finish whatever he was saying and nodded. Then Dennis walked off towards where I knew the security rooms were. Dennis had his own security firm, it was more of an IT company that actually gets paid to hack into the systems of big organizations. If Dennis is able to break into your system, then it's all the more reason why you should forget your own existing security company and sign up with his company. Trust Jake to really think so far ahead and get everything settled, all within the timeframe of one hour.

"Walk with me," Jake said curtly and Tokala understood and stood back with Embry. I fell into pace with Jake's long legged strides. "Dennis is connected with the camera right in Rachel's office. She's okay. She's sitting on the couch and I swear, she's fine. She's in there with a vamp and he keeps disappearing out of camera range so I don't know what he's threatened her with to keep her sitting still."

"Just one Vamp?" I just breathed deep. This was so hard. All I wanted to do was to run in there and grab her and keep her plastered to me for the rest of our lives.

"Yup, just the one. The guards are all unconscious. Seth says it seems like some sleeping drug and they should wake pretty soon. Dennis is rigging something up with the security cameras so what happens from the time we go in will not be recorded. But Paul, Rachel will not be able to explain any damages to the premises. I need you to be in complete control no matter what it is you see in there. This is not just about Rachel, but her cases are important. We should all walk away from this like it was a typical Friday night and no one should have cause to think otherwise. The guards would probably wake up and hold their tongues thinking they'd passed out drunk. That's the way we're going to play this, and I really need to know you're not going to fall apart."

I swallowed with difficulty. My tongue felt so swollen and my heart was still palpitating. The gratitude was there but on top of all that, the need to rush to Rachel was still trying to overwhelm me. "I–Let's go. I'll be in control," I rasped in a hoarse voice.

He nodded and then it was just the two of us letting ourselves in. Jake handed me a pass lifted from one of the guards and I knew what to do, where to slot what, to make our way past all those doors. I'd made this walk a million times to see Rachel at work. But Dennis must be doing something because the door opened without one of us having to scan our fingerprints. Finally, we were on the second floor, right outside the glass doors that leads to Rachel's suite of offices. They were standing just beyond the glass waiting. I felt my hackles raise even though I was in my human form and I had to forcefully control the urge to phase. He had his hand on her, on her elbow as he kept her anchored to his side and Rachel, my little fighter, surprisingly she stood still beside him. Was it because of fear? She looked determined and I felt a surge of pride. She was so brave.

"Jake, Paul, listen. Don't freak out okay!" Rachel burst out and I wanted to chide her. Be silent, Rachel! Don't make the vamp angry. Not when he's got his fucking hands on you.

He smiled gently down at her before he turned to Jake. "Jacob Black. I'm sorry to meet you in such a circumstance but I regret to say, I had no other choice. The timing was such that I had to take the actions that I have."

Jake said nothing, but he stared back at the vamp with his cold stare. He was thinking. I knew him well enough to know that. Sometimes when he stares at someone like that, they just tell him everything they knew without him having to ask. I couldn't stand still so I paced up and down in front of the door, never taking my eyes off the bloodsucker.

Rachel ignored me, that pissed me off too. "Jake, this is Dale. He needs the Cullens. You need to call them to come down right away. Like now, this instant. That's all he wants. To get to the Cullens, and I left my phone in my car, otherwise I would have called them for him myself. Call Carlisle. Please Jake."

"Why?"

I turned to stare at Jake incredulously. Why can't he just make the fucking call? How fucking difficult was that? All the Cullens versus this one vamp would be a piece of cake. Just let Emmett handle him, he'll make minced meat out of him in seconds. Why does he care why?

Rachel stamped her foot. "Don't ask why. He'll explain to Carlisle. Just make the call!"

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you or—"

"Jacob! I said I am fine. Call Carlisle, or better yet, give me your phone!"

The vampire chuckled. "Is this how you always are, Rachel Winters?"

She turned to glare at the vamp before turning back to Jake but he was already on his phone and she relaxed slightly. I was a little puzzled. As brave as she was acting, she was really making it a point to not look at me. But it didn't matter. I was going to kill that vamp.

"Hey leech, you don't know whose woman you've messed with. I'm going to rip you apart and stick you back together and fucking kill you all over again," I promised.

"Winters! You'll do nothing of that sort!" Rachel snapped, surprising me, then she softened. "Oh baby, please. Please don't over react. This is a hostage situation. We need to overcome this in a calm and civilized manner."

"Fuck being calm and civilized. I'm coming for you, leech."

The vamp's eyes turned cold. "I want to talk to the Cullens in exchange for releasing your woman back to you, wolf. I won't bite her, but try anything before they get here and I'll snap her pretty little neck in seconds," and he started dragging her back towards her office.

"Wait! Wait!" Rachel cried out and it was only Jake's hand on my shoulder that was stopping me from ripping the doors off and getting to her. The vamp stopped with a loud sigh and Rachel turned to Jake and me. "I left my breast pump and the bottles in the car. I need one of you to get them for me."

"You want your pump now?" I asked flabbergasted.

"Yes, I want my pump now," she said, before she let the vamp march her back into her room and shut the door. "Now, Paul!" She yelled. "I want it now!"

We got Rachel her damn pump and the bastard leech had us push the bag through the door and back off to the elevators before he grabbed it for Rachel. We waited outside those cursed glass doors. I paced up and down, up and down as Jake lounged on Rachel's secretary's chair. "What's taking them so long?" I bitched as I used both hands to push my hair away from my face, holding my hands on my head, hoping the pounding in there would somehow diminish.

"They're coming all the way from Minnesota. It takes time."

"We don't have time. He could do anything to her while we cool our heels out here. Let's charge in Jake, together and –"

"And he could do anything to her before we can even reach her. Let's wait for the Cullens, Paul. Let's see what he wants with them. He's in no hurry to hurt Rachel."

"Only until he gets hungry. Fuck Jake, how can you be so calm like this?"

"One of us has to. You're clearly loosing control so being calm falls to me," he said as he rooted through one of the secretary's drawers.

"Ness is a Cullen–was a Cullen. So is Petra. Can't we get one of them? He didn't say which Cullen he wanted. Let's –"

"They're both on the way. I already had that idea. Let's see who gets here first."

_**Rachel**_

"Dale?" I called out and he turned swiftly. Watching him with the baby was worrying me. He obviously had no experience with babies but he was determined to handle this baby all by himself, but the baby was hungry and I could tell. I've woken up many, many times to this same cry with my own boys, and I've always been there to give them sustenance. I didn't have an 'on off' switch built in so this maternal instincts would go away. "Here you go. Try giving this to him."

"It's your – it's your," he stammered.

"It's my milk. Yes. Freshly pumped. Let's try, please. He's hungry."

"What if he doesn't drink milk? I don't know anything about half-breed babies," he said, despair evident in his voice.

"I think the Cullen's use the term 'hybrid' not half-breed. If he doesn't take the milk, I have enough medical equipment in here to spare him a pint of my blood," I could sound professional when I wanted to.

He stared at me for a long moment. "You would do that?"

"For a baby, yes."

He nodded. "Rachel. Leave. Please, go. Your husband and your brother are outside. Go to them. This was a mistake. I only wanted the Cullens. I wanted to give him to them to raise right. I never meant any harm in taking you. I didn't know any other way to find the Cullens."

"Well, you could have stopped me in the streets and asked for their phone number and I would have given it to you. But that's a discussion for another day. Give him the milk. Go on?" I watched and instructed Dale on the right way to support the baby and he gingerly placed the bottle in the baby's mouth. He took to it instantly, sucking strongly.

"Oh!" Dale cried out in awe. "He was really hungry. He's liking the milk. I–I was worried that—that he would seek blood." Something about the expression on his face made me feel sad.

"You know, I wasn't there when Nessie was a baby. Paul was awfully protective of me. I really don't know what her diet was, but at least this is something, huh?" I smiled.

"This is the first feed–first milk that he's ever had. You are a true mother, Rachel," he fell silent as he watched the baby drink. "Rachel," he urged. "Go, please go. I'm very sorry I did this. It was a mistake."

I shook my head. "I'll wait. The Cullens should get here soon and knowing my brother, I won't be surprised if Nessie was on her way too. If I left now, there's a pack out there that might rip you apart and the safest thing for you right now is the Cullens around you. I'm staying."

"I'll take my chances. You have two babies of your own waiting for you. I have imposed on you too much."

"I'm staying, Dale. My nanny, she'll have everything under control and my boys are probably sound asleep right now. I'll wait for the Cullens. You need me right now, okay?"

"Okay," he smiled. "Are you always so opinionated?"

"Yes!" I giggled. "My husband thinks so." I watched him quietly after that as he held the baby in his arms. I pumped once more during the wait for the Cullens and once more Dale was so filled with gratitude, it was almost hard to watch. "You must have loved his mother very much," I said softly.

He nodded. "She never knew me until this morning though. She was my granddaughter. When I was turned, I stayed away from my family. But I watched over them in secret. I've been to Forks, you know. I was one of the witnesses for the Volturi when they came to pass judgment on – Renesmee, your brother's wife. That's how I know that the Cullens would know how to take care of him. I – I need to give him to them. I'd be useless raising him to be good. My own family, it was so broken. I deserted my family when I was turned and my son, well," Dale shrugged his shoulders before he fell silent for a while, lost in his thoughts. "She was his youngest, and the only one to survive the longest. She used to busk downtown, playing her guitar for loose change and she did crack. But I never dared to approach her, never. I should have. I just looked in on her whenever I was in town. I wander around, there's another clan here in Seattle, I do odd jobs for them. But if Jeremiah knew, he would have killed this baby. Keeping the secret is very important to him. The Cullens are my only option."

"She–she died giving birth to him?" I heard how Bella had to be changed when Nessie was born, so I could only surmise this girl would have died.

"Yes. I got back too late. If I hadn't come to look in on her when I did…" He shuddered in anguish and a part of me was tempted to reach out to touch him.

"Rachel! Rachel, answer me!" I heard Paul yell. He had been doing that periodically.

"Winters! I'm fine. Keep it down. Please!" I hissed back, into the intercom on my desk. My walls were really thick and soundproof but the fact that I could hear Paul was proof that me must be yelling like the madman he is.

"Hey leech! I'm going to take my time killing you."

I sighed. He's been giving threats non-stop too. "Your threats are getting really old, Winters. If you can't hold your tongue, then please go down and wait. I don't want to listen to your bitching."

I was a little worried hearing Paul's sharp indrawn breath and Jake's snort. There are times, once in a great while, when Paul doesn't react to my comments in his usual manner. There are times, once in a great while, when my words turn him into the big bad wolf. I do believe this could be one of those times. But he fell silent and I decided to focus on that. Oh God, I wish the Cullens were here already. I really needed to get to Paul.

_A/N : Didn't expect that did you.. Tell me what you think of the chapter, of Paul's reaction or the whole angle I've taken this. What did you think?_

_Also, I think I'm gonna write one more chapter on Paul/ Rachel. Then kinda pause this story and write a short 3 or 4 chapter story on one of the Cullens before coming back to Paul and Rachel. I hope you guys give it a read._


	5. Chapter 5 : Tempered Winter Grey

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

My thanks to my wonderful beta Jen, for keeping me company while I wrote, for doing all my research and for the ideas when I get stuck and mostly for listening to me vent about everything and taking my side no matter what! Hahaha. I think I write better while she's talking to me on the side.

Okay.. I disappeared this time because of real life issues. I had Rachel's part written real early, then I couldn't get into Paul's zone until a couple of days ago. I'm on leave and I hid myself in my room in my parents house and wrote it. Please don't hate Paul. I think people do go through emotions like he does and he is strong and he is volatile. Please keep that in mind while reading. And I'm gonna write a 3 or 4 chapter Emmett/ Rosalie story. I was planning on pausing Colors of My Life and concentrating on (tentative title) Eternity is a Long Time, but I think I'm gonna see how everything writes itself and go with the flow. Let's see okay..

Oohh.. the little chef in Chapter Four was Ava, not Petra. This is Seattle people, not Forks. And the epilogue in How the Mighty Fall is five years later. Five years after where Colors of My Life is at right now. Remember, Logan is only about 3 months plus, Rachel isn't pregnant with her third baby yet, so Sunshine isn't born yet. Ava and Scar aren't married yet, etc etc. And another thing. I think I've casted Lil' G if I ever get a mini-series deal out of this universe.. hehehe. All those of you above the age of 18, check out Eric Balfour in all his yummy goodness in 'Lie With Me'. Go YouTube him or something. He's so 100% perfectly Lil' G. Tell me what you think, and make sure you're over 18!

Lei() could you please get registered with FF so that I can send you a reply?

And to all of you celebrating Diwali.. Happy Diwali!

**The Colors of My Life**

**Chapter Five : Tempered Winter Grey**

_**Rachel**_

I chewed on my nails as I watched the clock on the wall. The Cullens were really taking their sweet time. But then again, it's not fair for me to say that, it's only been a little over two hours since Dale and I met and it feels like forever. What is the travel time from Minesotta to Seattle anyway? I knew it took about three and a half hours to drive in to Seattle just from La Push. If Jake was getting Nessie to drive down, who would she have gotten to watch the boys? Jake is an idiot sometimes, I was perfectly safe with Dale and we could have waited for the Cullens to come down, instead she would probably be driving down with the boys this late at night. But then again, it was Jake out there right now with Paul, and who else but me would know how Paul is capable of trying the patience of a saint.

I took a peek at the sleeping baby. He was kind of cute if I was to give my totally unbiased opinion, rosy cheeks and brown curls and all. I never knew I had a weakness for babies until Keegan was born. Having him had been something I felt I had to do. I was a daughter, I was a sister, I was a wife. The next step was to be a mother but I did not have any of those maternal urges that Nessie was constanty in tears over. Paul wanted to start a family, my father was hinting strongly for grandchildren, Paul's mother was always sending me stuff that was supposed to be good for conceiving. But I think it wasn't until the first time I had looked at the ultrasound monitor and focused on the hazy throbing blob that was to be my baby, that it hit me that I had a growing human inside of me and it was up to me to nurture it and bring it forth for me and Paul to love and raise to become an individual person. It would be our parenting that would shape this little person into becoming a good person. But most of all, this little person was formed from a part of me and a part of Paul and it grew within me, nevermind that forming part was actually a pleasurable experience for Paul and me, nevermind that this was so much a part of science that I knew the insides and outsides of, things were not all so clinical anymore, it was magical all of a sudden. This was happening within me and the end result was I was making a baby with my body, it was growing inside me and it needed me in ways no one else had ever needed me before. I think I fell in love with babies that day and then holding my brother's baby when he was born and seeing that strong Black resemblance in him, I would go off into daydreams of how my baby own would look, which part of him would be Paul, which part of him would be me. As much as Keegan and Logan looked like Paul, I could still see bits of me in their features. I wondered about this baby. Who did he resemble? Would he grow up to have Dale's built? Would he have his dark curls? Would he have more vampire tendencies or more human tendencies? He would never know his mother, no one would ever tell him of the first time she felt him move inside her, no one would ever tell him what a cake his dad made of himself taking to the buldge of his mothers stomach. He would be like Petra, the only thing he would know about his mother was that she died when he was born. He was, in a way, the cause of her death.

I felt sad. All babies deserve a set of parents who loved him. A part of me was tempted to take him myself. Paul and I could raise him side by side with Keegan and Logan. We could, I don't know, name him Morgan. But I knew this would be something Paul would never agree to. He was so open to almost everything, but this little boy was venomous and if there's something my husband put first, above anything else in the world, anything else in his life, it would be the safety of his loved ones, of us, his family.

I suppose Dale was smart. He hit the nail right on the head. If anyone could take in a child, a dangerous child and raise it to become a good person, I suppose it would be the Cullens. I knew that without a doubt. But who would take this baby? Carlisle and Esme had a part with nurturing Rosalie and Emmett, perhaps even Edward, Jasper and Alice. But most of all, they were the ones who had taken in my gangly teenage brother and transformed him into the man he was today. They did not brainwash him into becoming a brainless vampire lover as some of us, especially my husband, had feared. If anything, the Jake who came home, was more determined to improve on the lives of the tribe and pack, and he did. Edward and Bella had their chance with Nessie, and Jasper and Alice had theirs with Petra, although she was already an adult. I suppose of all the Cullens, Jasper and Alice were the most likely parent figures for Petra because she was so troubled and Jasper and Alice had come from such screwed up beginnings, they were the ones best equiped for her with their quirky and ecentric ways. And that leaves us with Emmett and Rosalie. I knew just how much Rosalie yearned for a baby. I've watched how great she is with all the pack's little boys, including mine. Didn't I know myself of her dreams and hopes when she was human? What she wanted most? Emmett, I wasn't too sure, he was every little boy's favorite uncle for sure, but I've only seen him serious a very few times. But then again, once upon a time, I had my doubts about Paul too. Back when I first accepted that I was his imprint and we were meant to be, and that I was the one to whelp out his little pups as he'd put it, it occured to me back then that Paul would never be a good father. He had nothing of my father's characteristics, he was never serious. But how he made me eat my unspoken thoughts. Paul was so great with our children that sometimes I just stand back and watch him with them, consumed with this feeling of fierce pride. Sometimes I think, why did we wait so long to have kids? So who am I to judge anyone's character when I'm so crappy at that?

But I shouldn't be worrying about this. I'm sure Carlisle would be making the best decision for this baby. I should be worrying about Paul. I know him too well, I know exactly what Jake and Paul would be planning. The minute the Cullens arrive, I would be whisked out to one of the other wolves while Paul goes after Dale. But that shouldn't happen. And that hothead would not let me reason or explain myself. I know his moods. There are times when you can talk to him when he's angry, and there are times that you just step out of range and let the worst of the temper flow. But I can't do that today now, can I? Jasper would be my champion. If he could do something with Paul's emotions, maybe long enough for me to reach out to Carlisle or even Jacob, Dale could be safe. Paul was really an overprotective neandrathal sometimes but he has a good heart and he would hate himself later if he hurts Dale, so, what else could I do? Oh, how I wish I had my phone, I could really use this time to talk to someone, to form a plan. Dale was useless. He's been trying to convince me to give up and to just leave. If anyone was maintaining this hostage pretense, it was me. Another thing I knew wouldn't sit well with Paul when he finds out.

"Rach?" Jake's voice came over the intercom and I jumped in surprise.

"Yeah?" I whispered hurriedly back, not wanting the baby to wake up.

"The Cullens are almost here."

"Okay," I said in a strained voice. I was glad. This was finally over but I couldn't help worrying about what was about to happen next.

"Are you alright? Want something to eat or drink?"

"No. I'll wait till I get home. How's Paul?"

"Pacing like a caged lion."

"Jake, I need you to do me a favor. Dale, he's a good guy."

"Fuck Rachel! He's a bloodsucker!" Paul snarled.

"He hasn't sucked my blood!" I snapped back ignoring the growling noises Paul was making. "And—"

"Enough!" Jake boomed. "Rachel, your captor's terms were to get the Cullens here. Well, they're almost here. I need to talk to him about the exchange terms. I want you out of there before I let any of them in."

"Not going to happen," I cried out, ignoring Dale's frantic nods. "We need the Cullens to come in here. We need to explain—"

"We?" Paul's voice was deceptively smooth. The idiot better not be jealous!

"Oh! Forget it! Call me when the Cullens are actually here!" I snapped before I released the intercom button.

"Rachel," said Dale, appearing directly in front of me suddenly. "Why didn't you agree? My objective here was to get the baby to the Cullens. That's all there was to this whole stupid scheme of mine."

"Well, _my_ objective is to keep you alive. If we agree to my brother's terms, my husband will be in here as soon as I'm out and he would keep his promise to rip you apart and the Cullens are loyal enough to my brother to stand back and let him."

"I'm not worried about myself. The baby is my only priority."

"Well, I care alright? You're this baby's only living relative and even if the Cullen's raise him, there will come a day when he wonders about his own people. You need to be around for that day. And besides, once Paul calms down, he'll understand. I'm just worried about what he might do to you when he's mad."

Dale nodded and wandered away back towards the baby and I massaged my forehead with both hands. I needed a plan. I stood by the window and looked outside at the dark parking lot. I could make out the dark shapes of a few vehicles, illuminated by the street lights, and there were a few shadowy figures pacing around. I narrowed my eyes. You would think I was being held hostage by the whole Italian vampire army or something from the way these idiots were acting. I wish there was someway though that I could signal one of them to get word to the Cullens. If I could tell Jasper, he would handle Paul, long enough for me to take him away from here and keep him occupied long enough for the Cullens to take Dale somewhere safe. Fighting with me should be enough of a distraction for Paul, but I needed Jasper. Then there was a sudden flurry of movement in the parking lot when four ghostly figures appeared out of the darkness. I could make them out more clearly than the guys from the pack. I wondered why there were only four of them. Then I tried to put myself in their shoes. If Jake called them for help, Edward would be the first one rushing followed by Carlisle. Jasper and Emmett would automatically follow. Bella's first priority is always Nessie and the boys. She would be heading off to whereever Nessie was and Rosalie would always be right behind her along with Esme. Alice I suppose would have joined them just so she could check up on Petra without Embry being there. I wanted to laugh. I suppose no one really wondered about the dangers of a pack girl going rougue and spilling the beans. We not only knew the secrets of both the wolves and the vampires, we were all even able to second guess them. But then, with Edward around, none of us would be able to plan anything and get away with actually executing our plans. I wondered for like the hundredth time how Griffin and Bodhi's mindlink would evolve by the time they were adults. They were getting stronger as they grew, would they ever have Edward's ability to read our thoughts?

Damn! I'm so slow sometimes. Edward! That's how I could help Dale. _Edward! __Edward!__This __is __Rachel! __I know __you __would __be __able __to __hear __me. __Edward, __this __message __is __for __you. __Please. __I __need __your __help! __This __vampire __who __has __me, __I__'__m __not __really __his __captive. __I__'__ve __been __sitting __in __here __with __him __under __my __own __free __will. __He __has __a __baby. __It__'__s __his __granddaughter__'__s __baby __and __it __is __a __hybrid __baby. __I __think __she __was __human __and __she __must __have __hooked __up __with __a __vampire __and __she __died __having __the __baby. __It__'__s __a __baby __boy __and __he__'__s __in __here __with __us __and __Dale __says __he __is __venomous. __He __wants __to __hand __the __baby __over __to __your __family __and __then __go __hunt __this __vampire __who __indirectly __killed __his __granddaughter. __He__'__s __not __bad, __Edward. __You __have __to __help __him! __Paul __is __outside __and __he __wants __to __kill __him __and __I __know __him __when __he __gets __like __this. __He __won__'__t __listen __to __reason __and __he __would __just __explode __with __his __temper. __Please, __tell __Jasper. __He __needs __to __help __by __konking __Paul __off __or __something. __Long __enough __for __me __to __get __him __out __of __here. __Edward__, __I __hope __you __heard __me. __Please, __please, __please __help!_

"You never struck me as the praying type," Dale smiled from across the room.

"I was not praying," I glowered back. "I was talking to Edward Cullen!"

"Do you think he heard you?"

"We're going to find out soon enough."

And then the Cullens were there, right outside the glass doors and Jacob buzzed us. Dale picked up the baby and this time I held on to his elbow as we stepped out of my office and into the line of sight of everyone outside the doors. I saw Jake and Paul first, then I focused on the four male Cullens. Behind them stood Embry looking troubled. And suddenly Paul, staggered, his knees buckling and he let out a furious roar. Edward and Jake caught him and pushed him into a chair and Paul's body relaxed back into the cushions. But his eyes, his eyes were boiling with fury, promising violence and I knew that he was fighting Jasper. I trembled despite myself. Edward heard me and Jasper was helping, but at what cost?

"I'll never forgive you for this, Jasper! Never!" he rasped. Jasper's face remained stoic but—what have I done?

I unlocked the glass doors as Jake stared at me. "I'm alright, I'm alright. I'm sorry. I had to do this. Jake. Listen to me. This is Dale McCarty. The baby he is holding is a hybrid baby. A baby boy and he is venomous. It's Dale's granddaughter's baby and she died having him. You know how all this is. He just wants to give the baby to the Cullens." I picked up the speed of my explanation as Jacob slowly walked into the room. He frightened me suddenly, I didn't see my little brother in him at this moment, I saw the wolf in him, the silent wolf, the one with the quietness that you know was all a deception because he is the most dangerous wolf in the pack. My frantic gaze flew to my furious husband, there was no deception there to mask his fury. Did I make a mistake? Should I have asked Edward to zap both Paul and Jake?

Jacob stopped directly in front of me when I stepped protectively in front of Dale with both my arms held out. I knew this would probably piss both Jake and Paul off, but I had to do something. "Did he touch you? Threaten you?" Jake ask in a voice he might have used if he was asking me if I wanted another glass of wine.

"No, no," I shook my head. "I was shocked and I admit, I was scared when I first saw him in here, but he quickly explained and I wanted to help him. Really. I've been here voluntarily."

Jacob nodded and I was sort of relieved. Jake stared at Dale for a moment before motioning to him. Dale must have understood as he gently and carefully handed the baby over to Jake. I was a little offended with that. He refused to let me get into touching distance of the baby, yet here he was, handing him over to Jake just because he made that eye and head move. Jacob held the baby like he does most things, with a sort of confidence and assuredness that always marvels me to realise that this is the same little brother I've always had. He turned to Emmett and gave him a grin, surprising me.

"I guess it's safe to say it's your turn now," and just like that, Jacob handed the little bundle into Emmett's arms.

The stunned surprise and joy in Emmett's face brought a smile to my face. The undescribably sad look on Dale's face brought tears to my eyes. And Jake took that moment to move, catching me off guard. He had me outside the glass doors, away from Dale and shoved me into Embry's arms. "Can you handle her and Paul?"

"Yeah. Tokala and Seth are right downstairs by the elevators. I shouldn't have any problems."

"Jasper, release Paul once Embry has him in the car," I looked at Jasper and he smiled a sad little crooked smile at me as he nodded. I guess he knew Paul was pissed. "Rach, a long time ago, you told me not to interfere in your relationship with Paul. I've not and I'm not going to start now. And I'm not going to order Paul to back off or anything. I don't care what your reason was, putting yourself in danger was unforgivable. But, Rach," he said with a quieter tone. "I'll be within screaming distance." I nodded. I knew what Jake was trying to tell me. This Paul, bottled up by Jasper was a volcano waiting to errupt. I've seen Paul tear up a whole room in seconds, down trees and once even stomp on a boulder so hard it left his foot impression on it, his whole foot, up to his ankle. Jake was worried that Paul might turn the violence of that temper on me. As much as he was trying to be the disapproving Alpha chief right now, the brother in him was still in there.

"Go home, Jake. I'll be fine. After eighteen years, don't you think I've already seen it all?"

"Not like this," he said softly.

I nodded. Not like this. But I'll be fine. I knew it deep down inside. "I'll be fine, and I won't be screaming."

_**Paul**_

I guess like Jake ordered, Jasper released his goddamn hold on me the minute Embry deposited me into the drivers seat of Rachel's car. I had to be thankful to Embry for not emasculating me further and strapping me into the passenger seat. Rachel hovered outside the passenger door. "Are you alright to drive?" she asked.

"Just give me the fucking keys," I snapped.

Her cheeks reddened a little, I knew because we had an audience, and she didn't argue. Handing me her keys as she got into the car. I tore out of the parking lot, heading home. I was still worried that I might explode. I was mad, at the vamp, the pack, Jake, myself but mostly with Rachel.

"Oh my God, Paul! Is that blood on your shirt?" Rachel burst out suddenly, reaching across the console to peel my t-shirt up my side. I was mostly healed, but the t-shirt had soaked up a lot of my blood before Seth got to me. I pushed her hand away roughly, not wanting her misplaced concern for me now. She gasped before unbuckling her seat belt and moving to her knees. "How badly are you hurt?" she demanded, reaching for my shirt again.

I grabbed her hand, holding it away from me. "Sit down! Are you fucking crazy?"

"You're hurt! What happened to you? I want to see—"

"I told you to sit the fuck down!" I yelled and for once she clambered to obey, sitting back down and glaring at me like I was in the wrong. "You want to know what happened? I attacked Leon and Lil' G. Leon is pretty beat up right now, and I almost ripped Lil' G's throat out," I breathed in and out, trying to control the anger. "I close my eyes and I see his stupid face staring up at me. He was scared and he did nothing to fight me off. He was so scared. Fuck Rachel, I almost killed him. He's just a kid." The trembling started while the shame flooded through me once more.

"Why?" she asked in a shaky voice.

"Why? Because all I could focus on was you. That you were scared and you were in danger and that you needed me. And your ass brother, thinks further ahead. He put your cases and your lab first. So he ordered them to stop me before I ripped my way to you. I was the only idiot out there tonight, wasn't I? You weren't in danger. You were the one masterminding the whole goddamn situation, weren't you? I almost killed my brothers—for you. And it was all a joke to you, wasn't it?"

"Paul," she whispered.

"This blood, is them trying to stop me. Trust me, I was in a better shape than them. The only reason they walked away was because Jacob ordered me down. I might have killed one of them. Do you have any idea what that does to me? Both of them used to look up to me. Leon was hurt so bad. His bone was sticking out of his leg and yet he didn't stop. Lil' G would be dead now if not for him." Suddenly, without me even realizing what I was doing I had my free hand in her hair, using it to twist her head to face me. "This is what you fucking do to me, Rachel! I hate this. I hate that I loose control like this." I let her go as she stared at me.

I pulled up into our driveway and put the car in park, holding the wheel with both hands. "Paul, come inside. I want to see how bad you're hurt. Please baby."

"Dammit, Rachel! Don't touch me right now!"

"Look, Winters! I get that you're mad, okay. But seriously, I was in no danger. I—I had to help him."

I guess the anger got the best of me then. I slammed out of the car, rounded it and yanked her out by her arm, marching her towards the doors. I wanted her inside where I knew for sure she'd be safe. Then I needed to get away for a while before I did something else that I might regret. "You stink of leech," I hissed. "It's disgusting."

But she wasn't looking at me. Her attention was riverted to Phyliss who stood at the upstairs landing, looking down at us with concern. "Phyliss, are the boys asleep?" The nanny nodded, cluthing the neck of her robe with both hands. "Good," I could hear the fake cheer in Rachel's voice. "Work stretched a little long and Paul came to get me. I'm just going to shower and go to bed. You should go to bed too, Phyliss."

I stayed silent and hovered in the shadows, letting Rachel handle Phyliss. Maybe it was for Phyliss's sake, who knows, that I preceeded Rachel into our bedroom instead of getting the hell out of the house. "I let you yell in the car, Winters. But I don't want you waking the boys and scaring them right now."

That pissed me off further. I growled. "I always put you and my sons first." I stalked her as she slowly moved backwards. I reached out to grab her by her hair once again. It was a mistake coming in with her. I was still furious. "Always!"

Her eyes filled with tears but she never looked away from me. "He had a baby, Paul. A newborn baby. Hours old. What would you have had me to do?"

"I would have you walk away. What if he had killed you Rachel? What then, huh? What would I have done then? You have two children of your own. Did you even think of them? What was your biggest fear again? Without you to steer them on the right path, they'd go into substance abuse and face jail term? What happened to that thought when faced with someone else's half breed baby? Why weren't we your first priority Rachel? Why?" It bothered me. It really did. Everything I've done since the day I met her, had been for her. She came first in everything, even above my parents. Even, even above my sons. So why the fuck can't she give me the same courtesy? If not for me, then for the boys? They're her babies too. How the fucking hell could she not consider them before putting herself in danger?

Her hand came up to carress my cheek. "I couldn't, Paul," she said with a sob. "It's always you and the boys first for me too. But once I knew that I was not in danger, I—I just had to help."

"What do you think your brother would have done if you had told him about that baby from the start? Wouldn't he have helped? What were you thinking, Rachel?"

"I was thinking of you! The entire time I was thinking how much you freak out when something happens to me or the boys and I was thinking how you always over react. I didn't trust you to—"

"You didn't trust me?" I let her hair go with a shove. "Fuck, Rachel. After all these years, it's great knowing that you don't trust me." I had to get out of there. To get away from her. The wolf was threatening to come out again. This was just fucking la-ti-da. Finding out that my mate didn't trust me. I started walking towards the door.

"Dammit, Winters! You're taking that in the wrong context. That was not what I meant! Hear me out!" She was behind me then, holding me tight with both arms around my waist.

"Let me go!" I growled.

"No! You need to sit down and listen to my explanations in a calm and rational manner."

"Calm and rational is the last thing I am, woman. Get your fucking hands off me!"

"No! I won't. I'm never letting you go, Winters! You're mine and you're going to listen to me." I stood still, stiff as a board. I was still not in control yet. "Paul, please," she said with a sob as she pressed herself to me, talking into my shoulder blades, into the bloody shirt. "Baby, please. I had to do it. I'll admit, it was not one of my best ideas, but it was all I could think of at that time."

I wish I could say her broken voice moved me or thawed me or something. But honestly nothing of that sort happened. The wolf stayed in control and I wondered how she didn't feel it. My thoughts, the way my body felt, everything remained the way I feel when I'm phased. I could feel my hackles still raised, my fur bristled. Why wasn't she feeling that and moving away to safety? My eyes, my nose, my senses, they remained in high alert. Tokala was outside in the woods, along with Scar, Luka and Seth. Jake was phased, somehow I knew it, but he was further away from the rest of them. Why? Giving me some privacy with my mate? Then why the fuck were the others around? He didn't trust me either?

"It was the baby's cry, Paul," she said softly into my back. "He was hungry and he was crying. He sounded like Logan does, like Keegan used to when he was a baby and still nursing. That little newborn mewling cry," she sobbed then, trying to pull comfort from me. "I'm a mommy, Paul. I thought of my own babies being hungry somewhere and if I helped this baby, someone would help my babies. I'm a mommy and I can't face knowing a child is hungry. I can't! I can't! I can't!"

It was heartfelt, her cry. She was trying to reach out to me and fucking hell, she never cries and those handful of times when she has, all I've ever wanted to do was to make things right in the world for her. But I was the wolf again. Why wasn't she standing back? I pulled my lips back in anger, the low snarl causing her to stiffen slightly. I turned in her arms then and she dropped them after seeing the look in my eyes. Things were falling into place for me. Why didn't this occur to me sooner?

"When you asked for your pump, it was for this baby?" I asked. She took a careful step back as she slowly nodded. Now she was scared. "You gave this baby milk that was meant for my son?" I asked once more, just as slowly, moving towards her as she retreated.

"Paul, he was hungry," her tears flowed but I was past that. The wall against her back stopped her retreat and I stopped directly in front of her. "I – I had to help him. I could and – and I did!"

I grabbed for her silk blouse and ripped it open, leaving the sides hanging under the jacket she still wore. I reached out and tore her bra off as she gasped. I stared at her milk swollen globes, her fear causing her to breathe faster, her heavy breathe causing her breasts to raise and fall. I grabbed them roughly with both hands, squeezing and mashing them together and watching the milk bead itself on her nipples before they rolled off and wetting my hands. "These are mine!" I growled. "This milk is for my sons. _My_ sons!"

"Paul, baby, please. Keep it down. You'll wake the boys," her words ended with a moan as I kneaded her further.

I could smell her fear, but then stronger than fear was the smell of her arousal. The wolf was taking over and she was turned on by it. What a match we were. She was truly mine, in all ways. My mate. If only she remembers that all the time. I leaned down and licked at the liquid running down my hands, still squeezing rythmically to keep it flowing as her hips began to grind against me to the same rythm.

"Tell me Rachel," I asked. "What if that baby didn't want your sweet milk, huh? What if he was truly a leech and wanted your blood?"

I saw it in her eyes, right before she shut them and turned away. She would have, I knew it. She would have found a way to feed that leech baby her blood and I was the wolf then, but then I could still see my hands on her. Not paws, not claws. But I was growling as she brought her frantic hands to my mouth. "Keep it down. Please baby. Keep it down. Don't wake them, don't wake them."

I pulled her, where I had no idea as one hand was pulling up her skirt, reaching underneath to rip her panty hose, then her panty, half the hose still encompassing her legs, the shredded bits dangling mid-thigh. I pushed her face into the bed and I rammed home. She gasped as I pulled out and rammed in again. I watched with feverish eyes as she flung her arms out towards the pillows, grabbing one to pull to her face, biting into it as she tried to muffle her cries into it. And I thrust and I thrust, mindless, consumed in a frenzy to mark her as mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. I could feel her wet heat encompassing me, her juices flowing as her muscles clenched around me, squeezing me as she whimpered into the pillow as she came and came and came. Why couldn't she accept it? She is mine. In all ways. Her body knows it, why wouldn't her damn mind accept it? "Oh God! Oh God!" she moaned.

I leaned over her, rasping into her ear, never ceasing my strokes as I pounded into her, "I'm not God. I'm Paul. Say it. Say my name."

She didn't, moaning instead as her insides spasmed around me, coming violently once more. The feel of her, the scent of her, why wound't she say it? I bit her, right above her left shoulder blade, bit into her firm flesh and she cried out, in pain or pleasure, I was too far gone to care. "Say it. Say it!"

"Paul!" she sobbed. "Paul! Paul! My Paul!"

"No! You're mine, Rachel," I growled. "Every part of you. You're mine."

"Oh God! Paul. Don't stop! Please! Don't stop!" she whimpered.

"Say it!" I demanded.

"I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours," she chanted as she came once more, this time triggering my release as well.

I collasped on her, both of us drenched in sweat, both of us gasping for breath. Her muscles were still twiching around me and I pulled out. Suddenly disgusted with myself, with what I had done. I lost control. I stood up and looked down at her and she remained as she was, still panting. I could see where I had gripped her hips during my fanatical possesion of her, bruises already forming. Oh God. What about the rest of her? I hurt her. I hurt my mate. And like a coward, without saying anything, I bolted. I had to get out of there.

I ran, like a mad man possessed. I felt the bushes and trees smack into me as I ran past them. I wondered about the silence inside my head. I usually felt the thoughts of the others who were phased. A green branch slapped into my face, causing me to yelp. What is it about today? Everything hurts more than usual and then suddenly the scent hit me. He wouldn't dare. He wouldn't fucking dare. I headed towards him and he stood his ground, hands in the pockets of his coat. I leapt for him, ready to rip his fucking head off and as he fell when my weight hit him, I realised that it was not my paws on him, I had hands. Human hands. I rolled away from him and crouched, trembling. What the fuck? Have I been running on all fours this whole time without even phasing? What is this shit doing to me?

Jasper crouched down a few feet away from me. "I'm gonna zap you, Paul. Just to help you calm down some, okay?"

I nodded. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going crazy. And like he said, a wave of calmness washed over me, helping me catch my breath, helping me get my heart rate to slow down. Oh fuck, what just happened?

"I'm sorry, Paul. When Rachel asked for help, I couldn't say no."

"Fuck you, Jasper. I fought with you man. I stood by you Cullens so many fucking times."

"And that's why I helped your wife, Paul. Because I consider you a friend, someone I respect."

"Some friend," I laughed bitterly. "Friends have each other's back. You were like my wife's errand boy."

He didn't take offense like I wanted him to. I was dying for a fight, and I guess he knew it too. I was feeling way too relaxed. "Your wife had your back the entire time. Why do you think she wanted my help?"

I snorted but said nothing. Edward stepped out from behind a tree. I hadn't even sensed him. What does that say about me? "She was worried that you might kill Dale and then spend the rest of your life regretting it," he supplied. "In her way of thinking, you worry about her so much, that you react first and think later when it comes to her. Helping Dale and the baby, it was because she has this deep sense of humanity and compassion in her. But the whole time, her thoughts were on you and your children."

I covered my face with my hands. Oh God, what have I done? Jasper reached out for my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "If it is any consolation, any one of us would have reacted the same way had it been our mate. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"Your wife is like a she-lion. She loves you so much, she thinks of ways to protect you from yourself," Edward chuckled. "Go home, Paul. Go talk to her. Women do things like this, but always with their loved ones in mind."

"I was—I was, I can't go home," I mumbled.

"Because you lost your temper? You think that's never happened to anyone else?" Edward asked.

"I—I hurt her man."

"Did you hurt her as badly as Embry hurt Petra?" Jasper asked lightly. "They worked it out. They're happier than ever."

When I finally allowed the Cullens to talk me into going home, I found Rachel wearing a thick bathrobe, rooting through the fridge, her wet hair falling like an inky black curtain down her back. She smelt clean and fresh after her bath and I felt filthy. She straightened up and studied me, concern written all over her face. "Paul, I'm sorry."

I don't know how I made it across the room to her but suddenly I had her crushed against me as I finally let my emotions out. There, with my face buried in her neck, I let the tears flow. She's the only one who's ever seen me cry. "I'm sorry. Oh baby, I'm so damn sorry!"

"Shhh," she crooned as she rocked against me lightly. "It's ok, it's ok. It was my fault, Paul." I pulled away from her, plucking at her robe. I wanted to look at her body. I was really rough with her. I bit her for fuck's sake. But she wouldn't let me. "Paul, no. Don't."

"Oh fuck! I hurt you, didn't I?"

"Love bites, hickeys. I've had them before," she grinned.

"Not like this!"

"Paul, Paul," but I was mindlessly kicking myself. "Winters! Listen to me," she demanded, grabbing my face and pressing her forehead to mine. "We're all allowed to loose control once in a while. And you do have a bit of a caveman in you. I knew that when I married you. I knew this when I helped Dale."

I held her tight to me. She never lies to me. I hurt her, but she's okay. "Are you sure you're okay?" I whispered.

"Well, I am a little sore," she mumbled. "So you're not getting anymore tonight." I nodded, I was ready to take a celibacy vow if that was what she wanted of me. "And I'm very hungry. I never had lunch or dinner," she whinned.

"Damnit, Rachel! You're still breast feeding. I wish you'd take better care of yourself!" I hissed as I let her go, washing my hands then stomping to the fridge, pulling out containers and starting to heat stuff as she sat herself on the bar-stool by the counter.

"What you gonna feed me, Winters?" she demanded, back to being my old Rachel.

"Keegan and I had Sloppy Joes for dinner. He helped me make them. We made enough for you, but you never showed."

She chose to ignore that. "Your dad's recipe?"

"It's now the Winter's men speciality recipe, woman!" I said as I laid her plate down in front of her, watching as she took a large bite.

"Yum," she said as sauce dribbled down her chin and she laughed as she reached for a tissue. But I grabbed her first by the back of her neck, angling her face so I could lick the sauce off. She shivered as she smiled languidly at me. "I'm a lucky woman, Winters," she crooned. "Three of the four Winters men belong to me," she grinned before licking sauce off her finger.

"Only until two of them imprint. And then you're just stuck with one."

"Damn Winters! Don't rain on my parade," she took another bite. "I love your Sloppy Joes."

"Glad there's something about me that you love."

"Hey," she said, grabbing the front of my shirt. "I love everything about you, Paul Winters. Everything. You got it?"

Oh yeah. I got it alright.

_A/N : So, what did you think? A different side of Paul. My reviews are dropping, so I'm really not sure what it is. Am I loosing readers? Is my writing slipping? Is this story boring? What did you think of this chapter?_


	6. Chapter 6 : Whipped Plum Purple

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

It took a while to write this because I couldn't really get into the Paul zone, I finally did though, although I'm not entirely happy with this chapter – as usual. But Jen insisted it's fine so I'm posting this because she's insisted. HNCH! This is on you Jen!

I don't know if Lei reads my ANs. If you do girl, please register with FF so that I can send you a reply!

Happy VD all! Hehehe

**Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 6 : Whipped Plum—Purple**

_**Rachel**_

I rolled over in bed and shifted my head a little to settle back into my pillow. I lifted up a little to pull my hair out from under my shoulders and once comfortable, I opened my eyes to look into warm caramel colored eyes that were watching me so solemnly. I studied his eyes, the pupils inside darker and dialated in the soft lighting from the muted sunlight that filtered in through the closed curtains of my bedroom and I smiled. His eyes were the exact shade and shape of his father's eyes.

"Good morning, baby," I smiled at him.

"I'm not Logan, Mommy!" was his reply.

"I know. I just like calling you baby sometimes," I explained as I reached out to brush his hair back. Even his hair was so much like Paul's that I had to marvel over the fact that I created him.

"Mommy?" Sometimes his expressions were just so serious. I brought my hand down to smooth the line he gets between his eyebrows when he has his thinking face on when there was something on his mind, another one of Paul's traits.

"Uh-huh?"

"Did you meet Mac last night?" His voice was full of curiosity.

"Who's Mac, baby?" I asked puzzled.

"Mac is the baby! He's Uncle Emmett and Aunty Rosalie's new baby," he said impatiently. "He's gonna join the pack when we grow up. Even though he's not wolf."

Sometimes I don't know what is going through Paul's head when he decides to tell Keegan things. We should have discussed how much we were going to tell him first. I sat up, ready to march up to Paul and give him a piece of my mind. "I don't think his name is Mac, honey. Where's Daddy?" I asked as I swung my feet out of the bed.

"Daddy's making pancakes. He told me to come wake you cos' Logan is hungry."

"Okay, let me brush my teeth and we'll go get breakfast, okay?" Phyllis, although being a live-in nanny, gets all Sundays and alternate Saturdays off. Today being her off day. But Paul appeared before I even made it into the bathroom.

"Hey, switch kids with me. I can't decide if he's angry or hungry," Paul handed the furiously kicking and wailing Logan to me and turned to grab Keegan and throw him over his shoulder.

"Why did you tell him about the baby?" I hissed at Paul as he was walking out the door.

He shot me a puzzled look. "I didn't."

It was a little later, when I had a happy and content Logan in his bouncer seat and Keegan, Paul and I were having a late breakfast that I posed the question to Keegan. "Hey sweetie, how did you know about the baby?"

"Griffin tole' me," he answered through a full mouth.

"On the telephone?" Paul asked.

"No, like he always tells me things when we go to Grandpa's house or when Griffin comes here."

"How does he tell you, sweetie?" I asked gently.

He looked at me like I was asking a silly question, "He thinks it to me, Mommy."

"Hey Kee-man, do you tell all this sort of stuff to Phyllis?" Paul asked.

"No, Daddy. This is wolf business."

"Clever boy. You'll be a great wolf when you're all big," Paul grinned at Keegan who beamed back, but I caught the look in Paul's eyes.

Griffin was—he was, I didn't know the right way to explain it, but I needed to tell Jake. His little boy was, I guess the best description would be—powerful.

_**Paul**_

I was really uncomfortable doing this, but I knew that it needed to be done. It was the right thing to do. It's what my father would have done. I only wish Keegan didn't have to be here to watch this.

"What's wrong?" he asked. We were all still standing outside Leon's apartment door. I was trying to sum up the courage to ring the doorbell.

"Shh...Give Daddy a moment, honey," Rachel softly hushed him.

With the nanny having the weekends off, Rachel and I had no choice but bring my boys along. I shifted the huge hamper of deli meats that Rachel felt was a suitable gift, into my other arm and rang the doorbell. Louise opened the door, smiling at us in welcome. It was a relief seeing her smile. I really had been expecting anger from her. I liked Louise and I totally approved of her as an imprint, especially for Leon. She was classy and smart and reminded me of Rachel in some ways.

"Hey, didn't you have to work today?" Rachel asked. Louise was a museum curator, a history major and perfectly boring for a corporate atorney.

"No, took the day off to you know, well—"she shrugged. Yes, what exactly would you say to the man who hurt your boyfriend?

"Has he been very grouchy?" Rachel asked as she ushered Keegan in and set about putting Logan's portable carrier down and pulling off Keegan's jacket. "Nanny has the day off," she explained, "Had to bring the kids along."

"It's fine," Louise smiled. "Hi, handsome," she grinned at Keegan. "Emma! Look who's here!"

I should have known Joey and his wife would be here too. The brothers were close and the imprints had become close friends over the years. These were a couple of couples who kind of proved that they were meant to be imprints. I mean, Rachel and I were almost as different as night and day, and I know when I first imprinted on her, lots of people were surprised and shocked. But the Cowley brothers were another matter. One of the early success stories, having thrived from Jake's wolf trust fund, Leon became the Shipo Corporate Attorney, while Joey became an Tax Attorney and worked for a huge firm in Seattle. I think a lot of us were laughing the day he imprinted on an accountant from the local Dodge dealership. Emma had a thing for babies and she very quickly had my youngest son cradled in her arms as she directed me to lay the hamper down in the kitchen.

After all the hellos were exchanged and Rachel and I had suitably inspected the sling Leon had his arm in, I knew I couldn't stall any longer. I turned to look at Keegan and wished for the tenth time that he wasn't here to witness his old man ask for forgiveness, but the other side of me told me that this would show him that I'm just a regular guy too, one who makes mistakes and owns up to it. But did I want him to see this? Did I want him to realise that I'm not the shining super star that he actually thinks I am? Emma had him entertained by some application she had on her phone and I was thankful for that as I took a deep breath.

"Hey Leon? Man, I um – I wanted to say sorry. For doing this to you. There's no excuse. I shouldn't have lost control like I did and I apologize for that. And...and I also want to thank you for everything. You never backed off, man. You saved me from screwing up spectacularly."

"Woah—woah, Paul! Chill, dude. It's ok. It happens, man. Besides, it didnt hurt so much when you broke my foot—or arm, depends on which perspective you're looking at it," he chuckled along with Joey. "When Seth broke it the second time, that hurt like a..." he trailed off when three pairs of cool female eyes turned to look at him.

I shook my head. "I have had all these years to learn control. Everything just slipped last night. You know, I'm not a teenager anymore. I know better. I just failed everything, everyone. What you did for me.. Leon, I almost killed Lil' G. If you weren't there, I don't know what I would have done. I don't know how to look at myself in the mirror."

Leon laughed. "Lil' G will probably have a new sort of respect for you from now on. Paul, man, I've known you since the first day I phased. Sam didn't want you anywhere near me that day. I remember that, when Jared and him were trying to get me to phase back. Leah was also told to stay away but she was there in my head, not helping. But when everyone who was assigned to stay with me were falling asleep, it was you who stayed there with me. I was scared, I was angry, you were angrier. And out of everyone who talked to me that day, you were the only one who helped, the only one who understood."

"I was mean to you!"

"You were, you were!" Leon was quick to agree, with Joey grinning and nodding in remembrance.

"You were the meanest motherfu—sorry, meanest wolf ever. I wanted to be just like you." Joey laughed.

And then suddenly, Leon was drawing Louise into his arm and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he held her close and breathed her in. I watched them, I knew and recognized that action very well because I did that a lot too with Rachel, with my boys. Love. He loves her and he was acknowledging the love he feels for her. Then with Louise still pressed to his side, he opened his eyes and looked at me directly.

"If it was Louise, I kinda think I'd lose control like that too. I think I've come to the conclusion that she's the glue that holds me together. If I didn't have her, I guess I would be all over the place and well, being all over the place isn't the place to be, huh?" he grinned down at her upturned smiling face. "I would go absolutely crazy if anything ever happens to you," he told her.

"He concluded that last night," Louise grinned as she held up her left hand where a new engagement ring glittered.

Rachel laughed as she pulled Louise out of Leon's hold and hugged her, then examining her ring with a smile on her face. I had to grin too, nothing like an adreanline pumping night to get the romance flowing after. I walked up to Leon to shake his hand and congratulate him.

He shook his head though. "I don't think you understand, Paul. I bought that ring months ago. But last night was the night that I was absolutely sure. You made me see that. I always knew I loved Louise, but how much did I love her? I didn't know. You were not embarrassed or shy about how much you needed Rachel. You would fight your brothers for her. Hell man, you were fighting Jake's hold the entire time and you only chilled once they assured you that Rachel was alright." He grinned as he sort of rocked on the balls of his feet for a moment. "The whole time I was fighting you, I realized that. That for you only Rachel mattered. And I realized that for me, only Lou matters. You made me see that. That's why I hung on to you, maybe that's why I didn't really feel the pain at that time. I'm sorry I tore your face up, man, but it's not like it's made you any uglier."

"I'm too good looking to ever be ugly," I replied with a grin.

"Don't forget modest," Rachel called out with a roll of her eyes.

"You know what you dames have got to realize?" Joey called out as he stretched his feet up onto the coffee table. "The candy and flowers and climbing the highest mountain and crossing the deepest river manbo jumbo, that's for the average man on the streets. You want a true declaration of love from a wolf, ask if he would tear his brothers apart just to get to you. _That _is true love," he said as he turned to look seriously at Emma who had Logan on her shoulder as she swayed softly.

"If that's your way of getting out of getting me any flowers or candy on Valentine's Day, you can think again," was her response to his heartfelt declaration.

I didn't know if I was the only one who was noticing this, but imprints these days were getting way too mouthy.

My apology to Leon was easier than I'd imagined it to be. I stood back as Rachel hugged Leon goodbye and softly thanked him for everything and apologised too. I pretended not to hear as Leon murmured back that he had been worried about how I'd have treated her once we left, the embarrassement I felt, the shame was still there. Rachel was quick to assure him that she was fine and that we worked everything out. If they knew how I had hurt her last night, what respect these two brothers had for me would go flying out the window. I knew my son would never look at me the same way he does. I turned to look at him and found him watching me solemnly. It was strange seeing him quiet and serious. It made him look older in a Billy-esq way.

Our next stop after that was to see Lil' G. Once again, I had to make this visit with my entourage. The apartment looked way different than it did when I first bought it. Well, it now had two college going wolves living there, so I suppose certain things have to be overlooked. Luka let us in, looking as serious as ever. His eyes lit up a little at the sight of the giant Deli meat hamper in my arms and he accepted it happily to lay it on the coffee table.

Lil' G came stumbling out of his messy room, while pulling on a t-shirt over his sweatpants. "Hey!" he greeted us. "Oh man, Rachel. I didn't know you'd be coming. I'm sorry about the mess."

"Daddy," Keegan called out.

"Hhmm?"

"How come all these ladies have no clothes on?" he asked as he studiously turned the pages of the magazine that was on the little breakfast bar that connected the living room to the kitchen.

The uproar his little question cause was beyond epic proportions as Rachel screeched and Luka and Lil' G both grabbed for the magazine with a yell at the same time, managing in their panic to rip it into two, both young wolves hiding their halves behind their back. I didn't know what it was, if it was seeing Rachel as she had Keegan wrapped up in her arms as if she was protecting him from something dangerous, or if it was seeing the two young guys blushing worse than a someone's maiden aunt caught red handed in a porn store, or even if it was all the stress of the day and the night before, but everything about it just struck me funny suddenly and I found myself roaring with laughter.

It was only a little later, once I managed to get everyone in the room calmed down that I could get down to the actual business I was there for.

"Lil' G, I owe you an apology for last night. Losing control like that, what I did to you, almost did to you. That was, that was bad."

Lil' G gasped, clearly shocked and not expecting an apology from me. "Paul, man. Geez. There's nothing to apologize for. Last night was rough on everyone. Please don't apologize."

Rachel was there suddenly, hugging him tight and Lil' G blushed once more. "Paul told me what happened with the two of you. How Leon stopped him. I'm sorry, sweetie, I'm sorry we put you in the middle of that, and thank you for everything."

"Oh Rachel," Lil' G mumbled, clearly embarrassed. "Honestly, I wanted to run to you too once I realized what was happening. Then Jake was there and," he shrugged. "I wasn't, I didn't do much. Leon...he was more into it. I was just running with them you know."

"It was the imprinting. Paul is tied so much to you, that's why he lost control, and Leon has an imprint, that's why he could understand what Paul was going through and he could place himself between you and Paul," Luka contributed.

"I was scared with the mess both your minds were in. Imprinting is something I guess I'll never understand," Lil' G said with a shudder. "Man, I hope I never imprint."

"Yeah, me too. Imprinting messes you up," Luka agreed with Lil' G, then fidgetted when faced with Rachel's cool stare.

I sat forward in my seat and snuck a look at Keegan. He was completely focused on some violent computer game the boys had hooked him up with and he had his tongue between his teeth as he machine gunned a bunch of sexily dressed aliens into smithereens. "Idiots, both of you," I murmured as I repositioned the coffee table with my foot. "I hope you two imprint. Honestly, it is the best thing that can ever happen to you. It turned my life around."

"But Paul," Luka said as he sat down across from me. "Look at how you were last night. Some of the older guys were calling you the beserker. What you did to Leon, what you almost did to Lil' G. I was phased in, man, I saw everything. You totally lost it last night, bro." I kept my eyes on Rachel as the color slowly left her face. A part of me wanted Luka to shut up, for a smart kid, he sometimes doesn't know when it's a good time to speak his mind and when it's not. But then, another part of me wanted Rachel to hear this. We resolved so much last night, but still, she did place herself in danger. She was not alone. I was tied to her, so were my sons. "I never want to lose control like that, you know? These days, I can phase in seconds and I don't have to clear my mind before I am able to phase back. I had to learn to have that sort of control. You're way stronger than us, Paul. And you completely lost it in seconds."

I turned to look at Luka. He was serious, sometimes way too serious. "You don't want to imprint because you'd loose control?" I asked with a grin. "Seriously? That's the one stupid reason you have?"

"It makes you do stupid things," he mumbled and I watched as Rachel walked over to Logan sleeping in his little seat and played with his hair. I could read her body language, she was getting upset. She knew that she unintentionally made me do something stupid last night.

"What about the fifty million smart things it makes you do?" I asked.

"Huh?" was Luka's brilliant comeback.

"When I was seventeen, I was about to flunk out of high school, and I had a bright future ahead in getting a job at the cannery, and pray and hope that I'd grow on the job and become a foreman the way my dad did. I was the second to phase after Sam, third to imprint. You know what imprinting did to me?" I stood up and held my arms out. My clothes may be casual today, but they were of a whole other class from the teenaged me. I knew I had a totally different carriage from the old Paul. I didn't shop at Target anymore, neither did my family. "Look at me. Look behind you, that's my wife. I think she's gorgeous and smart and brilliant. Those are my sons, they're my pride and my glory. I drove my family here in my Maserati to apologise to Lil' G for the one stupid thing I've done in years." I had to stop for a minute to pull myself together. Then I turned to Lil' G. "I lost control last night, Lil' G, and I apologize for that. Luka is right. It was the imprinting that made me lose control. When Rachel was scared, not normal scared but the kind of panic causing scared, I felt her. I felt that panic. I reacted to that. But both of you need to know, that whatever success I've gained over the years, was also caused by the imprinting. It gave me a drive to excel. That, _that_ is what I wish for both of you. Hell, I wish it for my boys too." I did, I really did wish it for my sons. Imprinting made me a better man, gave me the strength to become a better man.

"Whatever happened to the old fashioned way of falling in love?" Lil' G grinned.

"Hey, imprinting happens this fast," I snapped my finger and grinned at him. "Falling in love however, is on a whole different timeline, a whole different game." I turned to smile at my lovely wife. Falling in love with her certainly didn't happen overnight. It happened way after I'd learnt to control the urge to chain her to my side, long long after I managed to curb the need to want to tape her mouth shut. She knew all this, and I knew that was why she was grinning back at me. "Imprinting tells you that she's the right girl to put all that time and effort in for."

Imprinting could be the motivation factor for a wolf to put in the time and effort needed to completely fall in love, but I guess it was contentedness after love is achieved that gives a wolf the sort of control, the sort of mind frame that is needed to be a leader, to be the true protector. But my mindframe at the moment was far from calm that night, as I waited for Keegan to scramble into his bed. I pulled his covers up over him.

"You want your Octopus?" I asked and waited for his nod before I handed it to him. "Okay, what story do you want to hear tonight?" I asked as I walked towards his little bookshelf. Keegan had been unusually quiet during his bath, almost solemn and I was glad I had Keegan, and Rachel had Logan to put to bed. I had a feeling my son was gearing up for his twenty questions, but this time, it was going to be something serious.

"Daddy?" There it was, the slight tinge of being unsure, something you very rarely heard in my son's voice.

"Yeah, Kee-man?" I turned back to him, I didn't bother with a book. Tonight was not going to be a story night.

"Daddy? Did you do something bad?" he sounded sort of upset and that twisted something inside my chest. I never want him to think badly of me.

"What do you mean?"

"I heard you say sorry to Leon and to Lil' G." There it was, straight to the point.

Being a father was something I had put a lot of thought into. Rachel always had a plan. She had a fucking plan for everything, including when we were to start our family and most of the time, I went along with her plans because she usually had a good point. She was smart that way. I owed my success to her. And when she had said that day that she was throwing out her birth control, honestly it was that day that I actually sat back and thought what fatherhood was all about. My dad had always been there for me, well maybe not that period of time when he wasn't in on the wolf secret, but I knew how hard it was for him to accept the evidence that I was up to no good. He always wanted to talk, always trying to be there, wanting to help. I hated those days when I had to lie to him. He was the dad who stood up to a towering Sam and warned him to stay away from me. My dad. I wanted to be just like him. And I never wanted Keegan to be in a position that he has to hide something from me. I wanted him to come to me with anything.

I was glad that being wolf was not going to be something he had to hide from me and whenever he had a question for me, I always made sure I had an answer. But tonight's questions were making me beyond nervous. Tonight would make or break the superhero status I held in my son's eyes.

"Last night, something happened and I lost control of myself," I spoke slowly, wanting, needing him to know the truth and yet..."I went a little crazy and Leon and Lil' G tried to stop me. I ended up hurting them." I was never going to lie to my children.

"Did you break his bone, Daddy?"

"Yes, I did."

"But you are his boss. Did you still have to say sorry to him?"

"Yes, I did, Keegan. Just because I'm his boss, doesn't mean I get to do something wrong and get away with it. I'm stronger than them, Keegan. It should be my duty to look after those weaker than me. What are we?"

"Wolves," was his immediate reply. "Protectors."

"Yes, protectors. I shouldn't hurt anyone. I should protect them. That's why I apologized. I was in the wrong."

He was serious as he processed what I said. He was a child, I'd rather have him thinking of something childlike, something more to his age; instead my actions from the night before had my son analyzing his thoughts like someone way older.

"Was it because of Mac?"

"Is he the baby that Griffin told you about?" When he nodded, I figured that these kids already knew so much, what's a little more truth? "Last night, a cold one went to your mom's office with the baby. He wanted to get him to the Cullens, and he didn't know how to find them. I reacted to that, the fact that there was an unknown cold one with your mom and I was scared that he was going to hurt her."

"But Mommy's fine!" Keegan looked surprised, upset, and confused all at the same time.

"I know, I know. But I panicked, Kee-man. Do you know what Mommy does in her lab?"

"She becomes the voice for dead people?" he asked with all his innocence.

I laughed softly at his words, no doubt having heard this from Rachel herself. "Yes, that's what she does. There are bad people in the world. Sometimes innocent people get hurt by them. You know that, right?" He nodded vigorously. "If I had broken in as a wolf, I would have damaged her office. Some bad people could say that her evidence were damaged and there may be criminals who would get out of jail, and no one would listen to your mom." I pushed his hair off his forehead before I kicked my shoes off and and stretched out beside him. "When you become wolf, Kee-man, always think of your actions, think what could happen if you did things this way, or that way. Think it through before you do anything."

"And I have to say sorry if I did something wrong?"

"Yes. And you know why?"

"Why Daddy?"

"Because it makes you a good person. Once your grandfather asked me something, and it's stayed with me all this time." I patted my chest, where my heart was and I watched as Keegan automatically brought his hand up to his own chest, mirroring my actions. "Nevermind what other people think and say. Always check what you feel in here. Follow what your heart tells you, Kee-man. If you feel anything that could be doubt or guilt, don't do it. I've been trying to follow that since the day he told me that."

"Daddy, I'm gonna follow that too!"

"That's good, Kee-man. That's good," I fell silent and I listened to his breathing and it hit me again, that pang. He shouldn't be trying to make sense of something this deep, he was just a little boy, my little boy. And being my little boy, I suppose in a way, he would carry my flaws. "You know, Kees, it's not really easy to follow that. I'm still messing up. Sometimes, you're gonna wanna do bad things because it's easier than the good things."

He thought deeply before he spoke, reminding me once more of Billy. "Sometimes we don't do things just because it's easy." Very serious words for such a little boy. "And sometimes the Coyote plays tricks to make us wanna do bad things."

"Yeah, that's right. Where did you hear that?"

"Grandpa Billy said it in a story," he sat up to look at me. "You're not a bad person, Daddy. You wanted to save Mommy. It's a good thing we have the pack to help us when the Coyote messes with us, huh?"

I laughed. "Yeah, yeah, that's right, buddy." Then I pushed him back into bed and pressed the Octopus back into his arms. "Hey, Kee-man, thank you for being my son. I love you, little man."

"Love you, Daddy," he mumbled as I tucked him back into his covers.

_**Rachel**_

I stood at the counter, building the lasagna. There was something just so devious about laying on the layers, and not one of my boys realized that I always added a layer of eggplant puree in there. Was I the trickster for resorting to such tactics to ensure that a reasonable amount of vegetables went into their tummies everyday? I didn't feel guilt or doubt in my heart so that means it's fine, right?

I've been replaying Paul's conversation with Keegan from the night before over and over in my head. I'd been planning on joining them in Keegan's room when I heard them talking and I stayed outside and listened, not wanting to intrude on a father-son moment. I blinked back my tears. When I had finally given in all those years ago to the imprint pull and the sheer sincerity in Paul's pleas to give him a chance, I hadn't expected this. I never thought that I would one day be married to him and have his children and be living this fairy tale life. Paul was my prince in so many ways, ways that he would never in a million years be able to fanthom. I never thought the man I would love, the man I would marry would become the kind of father Paul is. Looking at him, you would never be able to tell. He was still a badass in so many ways, but he was also an incredible father. The father of my children. I was lucky, very very lucky.

"Hey, all okay?" Nessie asked as she popped up by my side. From the way she kept her eyes on the bowls spread out before me, I guess she knew I was having a sappy moment and was giving me the space to pull myself together.

I nodded. "Something in my eye." My brother and his family were still in town and I was having them over for dinner. I missed them, missed being able to hang with Nessie as and when I felt like it, missed the family in general.

She smiled. "Uh-huh. If you say so. Need any help?"

"Can you start the salad?"

We worked companionably for a while and I could feel her gaze upon me a few times. "Can I ask you something?" she asked, waiting for my nod. "You were like this mother hen standing between the pack and Dale. How come you've not asked anything about him or the baby?"

"I figured you and Jake would be telling us over dinner."

She turned to face me completely. "I know you, Rachel Winters, and patience is something you have very little of, and curiosity is something you have way too much of. Aren't you even the slightest bit worried that there's a half-human baby being brought up by vampires?"

"My bestest friend in the world is half-human and raised by the same bunch of vampires. I let my baby brother go live with them for the better part of ten years. I've left Keegan with them countless times and you think I'd be worried about a half-human baby being brought up by your family?" I laughed and she joined in.

"You're right, you're right. But just because I'm dying to tell you, Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie are raising him."

"I know," I murmured with my eyes on the oven dial as I set the timer. "I also know that they're calling him Mac and he's joining the pack when he's older, even though he won't be a wolf."

She gasped softly. "Jake!" she called out and he appeared next to her to casually fish a slice of cucumber out of the salad to munch on.

"Yeah, babe?"

Paul trailed in after him, heading straight for the fridge to toss Jake a beer and help himself to one.

"Did you tell anyone about Mac, or of him joining Griffin's pack?" Nessie demanded.

"Let me guess," Jake turned to lean back against the counter to look between me and Paul. "Keegan told you?"

"Yeah," Paul took a long drink.

I studied Jake, trying to read that look in his eyes. Sometimes his eyes looked old, like right now as he pulled Nessie to his side. "He's getting stronger," Jake murmured softly, almost as if he was talking only to her.

Paul swung himself up onto the counter. "The future Alpha, and he's already picking his pack," he smiled.

"You're not bothered that he's communicating with Keegan like this?" Nessie asked, worry evident in her eyes.

"The only thing I'm worried about is the kind of mischief these kids are gonna get into with a link like this. Can you imagine them as teenagers?" Paul grinned. "They'll be covering for each other for every bit of crap they get into."

I groaned. I hadn't thought of that. I didn't for a minute want to imagine the kind of mischief these little tyrants who were the sons of Paul and the sons of Jacob combined could envoke. But I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out. "Oh my God! They're going to cheat in school, and listen to secrets. I know it, I just know it!"

"I'm almost jealous," Paul laughed with me. "They're gonna have so much of fun."

But my brother and his wife remained serious as they watched us. I noticed how Jake's arm tightened around Nessie. It was almost as he was giving her comfort while drawing the same from her. I never told anyone this, but I loved seeing them together. It just surprises me every time I see him holding her and kissing her and generally being so tender with her because he's my little brother. I grew up with him and I never thought he had this side to him. It makes me happy to see them together, to see them complete each other.

Jacob cleared his throat and then spoke softly. "We phased because there was going to be danger to the tribe. Not from the Cullens, no. But there's never been a quiet year, Paul. Admit it. If our kids are having way stronger gifts, what are the spirits preparing us for? Preparing them for? What are they going to face? Fight?"

I felt a chill settle around me for a moment. Fear. My babies, what might happen to them. But Paul's words took that fear away. He made me, the scientist believe in the wisdom of the spirits.

"Jake, the spirits are preparing them. And they have us to guide them, man. We didn't have that advantage. Whatever comes, these kids will be able to take them on." Simple words but it flowed over me like a balm and I just had to walk over to him and take his free hand in mine. "I explained what happened last night to my four-year old. Not the details, but enough to understand what went down. He was there while I apologized to Leon and Lil' G. And he displayed this...wisdom that was beyond his age level. My son, man." Paul paused to bring my hand up to brush his lips against my knuckles. "We're raising good kids. I've never seen other kids who are that observant and intelligent. We can't escape who we are Jake. We're not normal. Stop expecting normalacy for our kids," Then he was grinning down at me as he pulled me closer and I felt his lips brush over my forehead. "I think whatever comes our way, they'll be ready for them."

"Does Griffin communicate that way with you? Or with the other kids?" I had to ask.

"Both Griffin and Bodhi do. So far it's usually with Seth's kids and Jared's kids. I guess they live closer. We know they do with your kids. But neither one of them has linked up with me. Edward says they seem to have like an on-off built in switch," Jake explained.

"They've taken the mind reading from Daddy, the projection from me, the on shield, off shield from my Mom and generally link up with each other like you wolves do. Daddy says they're able to open a conference mode of some sort," Nessie explained. I was facinated. My little boy was a part of this and I never really knew how deep it all was. Nessie looked troubled. "I keep telling him not to do it. It's becoming so casual for him."

"Don't stop him, Nessie," Paul said gently. "Let them start young, it makes them stronger. Besides, they all seem to know who's in the wolf business and who's not. They take this way seriously."

"Mommy!"

I turned as Griffin and Keegan came marching into the kitchen, both looking serious and extremely busy and put off. Paul wears that same expression when he's busy with something Shipo related and I come bug him to take out the trash.

"Yes?" I asked with a smile. It always amused me to see that expression on Keegan.

"Griffin and I are making the tracks but Logan's diaper is wet and he's not happy," my little boy-wonder announced with a heavy dramatic sigh.

Griffin nodded with a smile. "And Bodhi just woke up and he's hungry." Then he turned to Keegan. "Come on, let's go finish the tracks!"

I watched as the two cousins turned to walk importantly out, back to their train sets and Keegan sighed once more. "Being a big brother is busy."

"Yeah," Griffin agreed. "It's never over."

I couldn't help smiling when I heard that, even as I heard Logan start wailing over the baby monitor and I turned to look at a grinning Nessie as our husbands chuckled. They'll be okay, they just had to be. I insist on it.

I looked straight at Jake. "Neither one of them will turn wolf and disappear for months at a time, will they?" I asked. I could still remember the fear I felt for Jake's safety when he had taken off and I had been let in on the secret the first time. That was yet another point of my life when I felt I had failed my family, my brother.

He smiled and shook his head. "Like Paul said, these kids are growing up with the knowledge and are able to come to us with just about anything. I don't think they'd be messed up like I was," he smiled down at Nessie as she grinned up at him with a raised eye brow. I remembered then the reason of him leaving and I blushed at my silliness in mentioning that in front of her. "The only thing to worry about would be the kind of danger they'd face, but I have confidence in them. I just wish they didn't have all this on them, you know?"

I nodded. I know. But if this is the way things are meant to be for them, then it would be our duties as parents to pave the road right, I guess. I was not going to fail my children or my nephews this time.

_AN: All I ask for is your opinions and thoughts on this chapter. Did you like it? Hate it? I know it doesn't suck, but tell me what you think anyway. _


	7. Chapter 7 : Ascot Grey

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

So sorry for the delay, March was a month of distractions. Family, friends, getting older.. And oh yes, I got totally distracted trying to come out with the Tumbler thingie with my wolves and who I would cast if Jen and I got a TV series deal.. Wishful thinking but girls, there's eye candy if you want to check it out, my list of wolves, their imprints, their kids.. its mostly in here.. Let me know what you think.. http:/ninaandjen{dot}tumblr{dot}com/. Oh yes, there's more than 1 page so keep going till the end.

So finally I'm starting on the actual theme of Paul's story. I still think it's boring. Jen says its not. Hopefully the rest of you don't find it boring either. Game of Thrones 2 starts on HBO this month, but I'll try my hardest to not get distracted once more. Enjoy..

**Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 7 : Ascot Grey**

_**Paul**_

"Daddy? Did you really come here a lot when you were little?" my son asked as he sat across from me in a booth at the diner.

It wasn't the most happening of places but it's been around since way before Forks took on the city status. A small town diner it had been back then, and a small town diner it still remains. Old Ben still ran the place and back when I was a kid, my dad would bring me here on nights when my mom would go for her quilt making gathering two days a week at Mrs. Wheeler's house around the corner.

"Yup," I said as I scanned the plastic laminated card that sat on the table. The menu remained unchanged. "Grandma used to come meet her friends at that house with all that crappy lawn decorations over there," I pointed out the window. "And Grandpa would bring me here and we'd have dinner. And if I finished everything on my plate, he'd let me have Old Ben's Chocolate Lava cake with his homemade vanilla ice cream."

"Was it good?"

"Oh yes, it was the best ever. That's why I brought you here today. I wanted you to taste something that I did as a kid and I want you to tell me what you think."

Keegan nodded importantly and I had to grin. When the waitress came by, I placed the order for two of the decadent desert and I watched him as he looked around and took in the dive. It was actually nice to share this with him. I was probably his size when my dad first brought me here and here I am now, with my own mini me sitting in the booth I had sat in at one time or the other with my dad. Where did the time go? Who knows, pretty soon, my son might be sitting here with his son.

I shook my head ruefully. With the way the time was moving, that might happen sooner than I expected. And the speed of time has been on my mind a lot lately. Well, ever since that night I laughed over some message I'd received on my phone and thought to share it with Rachel. She used to read stuff on my phone from where she was with her eagle vision. But that night, she had taken my phone into her hands to read it. I knew she had a long day at work, I knew maybe it was because she was bent over her microscope the whole day and her eyes were tired. I don't think she even realized what she did. But I did. And it bothered me. My mom was always quilting when I was a kid, but one day, it was like she couldn't thread her needle anymore. No one knows, but I was my mom's needle threader from that point on. Was Rachel starting to age? Was this a sign? I know she doesn't look a day over thirty-five. Hell, I'd say thirty-two even. But now, with her birthday coming up, I don't know. Things were just so jumbled up in my head. Of all the things we've discussed, and planned and put into motion, and succeeded even, this was one thing that we never did talk about. How long do I go on being wolf? Why the hell didn't we ever talk about this?

When the waitress set our two plates in front of us, I picked up my spoon and waited for Keegan to get a grip on his. "Now," I instructed. "The best way to eat this is to stab it right through the middle of the cake like this," I neatly sliced through my cake. "And you let the melted chocolate ooze out all over your plate and let it get mixed up with the ice-cream."

"It looks really messy, Daddy."

"Yeah, that's the best part. Now you scoop up a little bit of the cake, a little bit of the ice cream and a little bit of the chocolate. Hmmm...What do you think, Kee-man?" I reached across with a napkin to wipe a bit of the chocolate off his chin.

"It's good," he vouched with his mouth full.

"Try not to mess yourself up, okay? Mom and Grandma will be here in a little while and you don't want to get me into trouble do you?"

He shook his head as he setup his next bite and I watched him with a smile. I don't think anyone would ever be able to put to words the pride I feel for him, for both my sons. I answer all his questions because I want him prepared for whatever life has to offer him. I want to prepare him for everything and therein lies the conflicts in my head.

We were in La Push for the weekend, to visit family and also to celebrate Rachel's fortieth birthday. She was not exactly thrilled about it, first over turning forty and second over having a party without her evil twin, but my mother was hell bent on throwing her only daughter-in-law a small dinner party, family only she promised, and Rachel usually has a problem saying no to my mother. Right now though, my mom and Rachel were out buying half of downtown Forks and there was only so much of oohhs and aahhs that Keegan and I could take and we excused ourselves for a little father-son moment.

"Paul? Paul Winters?"

I shifted in my seat to take in the woman standing by our booth, a snot nosed toddler on her hip. She seemed somewhat familiar but I couldn't really place her. I took a sip of my water, "Yes?" I smiled politely.

"You don't remember me?" She laughed, showing me that at one point she had been really pretty. "It's Pricilla, we went to high school together."

"Ah! Hey, hi. Keegan, say hello to Mrs.?" I turned to look at her. With the kid on her hip, she would be married. I remembered her now though. Pricilla Grant. The years have not been kind to her. We lost our virginities to each other when we were both fourteen in the basement of her big sister's house. It was all about experimenting back then and I hope to hell she wasn't remembering that.

"Ms. Grant, went back to my maiden name after my divorce. But just call me Pricilla," she explained, not giving him a chance nor noticing that Keegan had yet to say hello. He looked at me in question and I gave a tiny shrug to let him know that it was okay. "Is he your little one? Oh he's adorable. Looks just like you. How long have you been divorced?" I opened my mouth to answer but she plowed on through. "It must be tough only getting him on the weekends. Look at him eat, he's so neat. What's your name, little one?"

I snuck a look at her kid as he took a swipe at his nose with his arm and I cringed. You'd never catch my kids like that, they were always clean. Messy sometimes yes, but never with a drippy nose. It's something that totally freaks me out hence the endless supply of tissues and wet wipes you can find in my house or in my cars and in my office even. I turned to look at my son as he looked up at Pricilla and answered politely.

"It's Keegan Winters."

"Oh that's a nice name," she crooned at him before turning back to me. "I've just moved back to my mom's place. Are you still living on the Rez? We should hook up sometimes. You can tell me what you've been doing with yourself," she laughed. You could smell the desperation coming off in waves and I felt sorry for her. But not for long as her kid took another swipe at his nose and the sight of that made my knees weak. Fierce wolf aside, this was my kryptonite—a dripping nose.

"He needs a tissue," Keegan announced helpfully.

"Yes, yes, he does. Please," I pushed the napkin holder to the edge of the table and gestured to it and her kid. I would wipe my kids' noses, I'd wipe my nephews' noses but I drew the line there. I could never bring myself to wipe anyone else's noses. She caught on, reaching out to grab a napkin and wiped her kid's nose.

"Oh Timmy, you've embarrassed Mommy," she told her kid as she reached for another napkin.

I put my spoon down and looked away for a moment, taking the time to thank the Spirits and whichever ancestor who was looking down at me for pairing me with Rachel. She took great care of herself, she was never desperate and most of all, she was a great mom. Just look at my kids for the proof. And maybe it was my thoughts that conjured her up, but Rachel and my mom chose that moment to walk into the diner. Mom got waylaid immediately by people she knew and Rachel started towards us with Logan in her arms, his excited babbling as he spotted us, preceding their approach.

"Ohh...Look what Daddy has given Keegan to spoil his dinner," Rachel chanted in a sing-song voice as she bounced a giggling Logan with every step. She stopped next to Pricilla and shot her a friendly smile.

"Hey babe, this is Pricilla Grant. We went to high school together. Pricilla, my wife, Rachel."

You could totally see the difference in the two women, both who had a baby in their arms. I couldn't help comparing the way they carried themselves, how young Rachel looked, how haggard Pricilla looked. I couldn't miss the embarrassed blush on Pricilla's cheeks and the devilish gleam in Rachel's eyes. She recognized Pricilla's name, curse my dumbness in coming clean to Rachel way early in our relationship.

"Hello," Rachel grinned at Pricilla. "And who is this?" she asked looking at the kid in Pricilla's arms.

"This is T-Timmy," Pricilla stammered.

"This is Logan. Say hello Timmy," Rachel hefted Logan higher into her arms, pressing her cheek to his as she waved his arm for him.

My mom joined us just then and I had to introduce her too, and you could see the immediate change in my mom's demeanor as she stiffened. Did I mention that we had gotten caught red handed in Pricilla's big sister's basement? It was one hell of a stink that Pricilla's mom had stirred up. "Hmph, hello," mom said in a snooty way and I had to rub my forehead when Rachel's grin got wider. She was enjoying this.

Logan lurched himself towards me and I reached out and plucked him out of Rachel's arms and sat him on my lap, careful to push my plate away and give him a spoon to amuse himself with. Rachel slid into the booth with Keegan, scooting in to make room for my mom. "Would you like to join us?" she asked Pricilla, cheerfully ignoring my glare. "Paul, move in, sweetie."

But my attention was on the drama slowly unfolding outside. There was a young kid rushing furtively down the street, trailed slowly by three older boys who were trying not to make it look obvious. I didn't know who the kid was, he wasn't pack, but I recognized the look about him, he was bristling with anger and fear, gaunt skinny looking, with ill fitting clothes, as if his bones had suddenly decided to have a growth spurt but the rest of him was yet to catch up. I slid out of the booth, handing Logan to my mom who accepted him immediately. "Be right back," I mumbled.

I made my way out of the diner and to the alleyway I saw the kids disappear to. I suspected right. The skinny kid was pushed up against the wall while the three other kids stood in front of him, threatening him. "Hey," I called out. "Three against one. Not fair. You want to step away from that kid?"

"You want to mind your own business?" the kid who clearly was the leader of his little gang called out.

"No." That threw them, no doubt not expecting that from me. "You want to step away from him or do you want me to come over there and move you myself?"

Two of them stepped away. "Come on, man. Let's not do this now."

The leader turned to glare at the kid before threatening him once more. "This isn't over Soto. I'll get you soon."

Once they left, I turned to the scared kid. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said sullenly. "You didn't have to do that." Then as an afterthought, "Thanks."

I nodded. "What did they want?"

"Nothing. They just like beating on me."

Something stirred inside me, making me feel bad for a moment. I've picked on kids in school before. Just because I could, just because I never liked nerdy looking kids. The irony of that made me grin though, after all that, I imprinted on the biggest nerd of all who was also a big bully. Maybe I could do something for this kid. "Why didn't you fight back?"

The kid snorted. "There are three of them and they're all huge."

I looked him over, I didn't know how I knew, intuition perhaps, but I had a feeling that in four to six months, we were going to welcome a new wolf into the pack. What was the harm in pulling him in sooner? "There'll be a day when you'd be able to stare at them and they'd back away."

"Like you did? There's nothing scary about me," he told his shoes.

I smiled. "I'm too good looking to be scary, kid. I'm Paul Winters," I said, holding my hand out.

"Yes, I know. You're one of the Shipo guys," he shook my hand and I registered his temprature. Not quite hot, but not that warm either. "I'm Whitman Soto."

"You doing anything tomorrow at about ten in the morning?"

He shrugged.

"Get your ass to First Beach at ten. You know the spot where they usually hold the bonfires?" I waited for his nod before I started to walk away. "Don't be late."

"Why?" he asked.

"You're gonna meet your new pack of friends," I grinned over my shoulder as I pulled my phone out to call Jake. No harm in introducing him to the younger pack, they could all start out as friends and he'd have a support group by the time he phases.

When I came back to the diner, Pricilla and her kid were gone, and so was my cake and ice-cream. I glared at my mom amd wife. "Did you enjoy that?"

"Oh yes. Absolutely lovely," Rachel grinned. "Anything we should be worried about?" she asked nodding discretely at the window.

"Gut feeling. Maybe a new kid." She nodded understanding what I meant. "You scare Pricilla away?" I asked.

"I think so," she laughed and I grinned back at her.

I love the way she laughs. I want Rachel to be like this forever, happy, beautiful, wonderful. I looked at my mother. Once I had thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world, that was before I'd met my wife though. Mom looked so young for a long time that I used to wonder if it had something to do with the wolf genes. My strain of the wolf came from her side of the family. No surprise that Tokala turned wolf too, both of us from the Sarrazin strain. I know it thrilled my mom to no ends when people ask my father if he cradle robbed. Could that be why Rachel looks so youthful?

"Paul, you shouldn't encourage that woman!" my mother announced suddenly.

"Who Pricilla? I didn't encourage her."

"And Rachel, don't be too friendly with her," my mother went on as if I hadn't spoken.

"Why?" Rachel asked, close to bubbling over with laughter. She knew exactly why and I made promises to her with my eyes that I was going to get her back for this the minute I got her alone. And I most certainly was, and for starters I would put that smart mouth to good use. I grinned at that thought and it was almost like she read my mind when her eyes darkened with the kind of promises that I liked.

"I know that kind of women. They have no respect for the sanctity of marriage," my mom leaned closer to Rachel to whisper to her, every word that I clearly heard, but I couldn't help but notice that mom was careful not to tell Rachel about my past with Pricilla. "Plus, everyone knows he has money."

"He's cute too, Cecilia," Rachel teased.

"Don't make a joke of this, Rachel," my mom went on whispering. "It is your duty to keep your husband from women of these kind."

I sighed loudly, signalling the waitress for the bill. Rachel knows I'd never cheat on her and this was the last kind of advice any guy would want to hear his mom give his wife.

"Mommy?" my mini me piped up suddenly. "Why did that lady ask Daddy how long you've been divorced?"

I sighed as my mom turned to glare at me.

_**Rachel**_

I took a quick glance at Paul before I turned back to what my mother-in-law was saying. He seemed to be sulking as he nursed a beer in the corner of his mother's house. I knew it wasn't anything about me ribbing him about his ex. But for some reason, he's been down for days. No amount of prodding was making my bull headed husband spill the beans.

Cecilia rushed off when Logan started wailing, and I turned to my father. Cecilia had kept her word and had invited family only, which included my father, my brother and his family, and Paul's Uncle Zack and Aunt Paula, Tokala's parents. Dad was looking a little tired and I walked over to him and carefully sat myself down on his lap. Being forty didn't make me any less his little girl I guess.

"Did you speak to Becca?" I asked.

He nodded. "I did, this morning," he said as took my hand in his and turned my imprint bracelet around to run his fingers over the weaves and links.

"Did Jake?" I asked softly, wondering if that was the reason my dad seemed so alone in a room full of people. He shook his head no. "Dad, did you have words with Jake because of this?"

"He is a man, putting his own children and wife first. I admire that in your brother. But I am also a man who wants to put his own children first and that contradicts everthing in my mind." I hated seeing that look in my father's eyes. It made him look sad, it make him look old.

"What did he say?" I was worried if Jake might have yelled at him or something.

"It's what he didn't say," he sighed softly. "Happy Birthday, Rachel. Your mother would have been so proud of you if she was here now."

"Then why the sad face?" I tried to tease.

He shook his head, thinking deeply. "She would be so ashamed of your sister. It's good that she isn't here I suppose."

"Dad," I chided.

"Don't mind me," he smiled, as he cupped my cheek. "You have a beautiful family although something seems to be bothering your husband. Go check on him. Go on."

But Jake beat me to Paul as I watched the two of them slip out of the front door together.

"Is everything okay?" Nessie asked softly from behind me.

"I don't know," I turned to tell her.

_**Paul**_

I stood under the large tree in the backyard and looked up at my old treehouse. My father had it reinforced once Keegan had started walking, and he and Griffin had a great time playing in it earlier in the day. That was me once upon a time, yelling down at my cousins from up there.

"So, my sister has a big mouth," Jake stated, a teasing lit in his voice. "Pricilla Grant, huh? All this while I thought it had been Marcia Cross."

"She was number 3 or 4 down the list," I smirked back at him causing him to snort.

"So, I kind of get the feeling that you're not reminiscing about good times with Pricilla. What's bothering you?"

"Pricilla?" I said with a laugh. "No, no. That's not it." Do I tell him? He is my Alpha after all, although we had grown closer over the years. He was dedicated to this life for good, there was no growing old in his books. What would he think if he knew that I entertained thoughts of getting out? That I've been thinking about it a lot lately? Would he look down at me? I took a deep breath. "You know, when you said you were moving back to the Rez after your stint with the Cullens? Sam and Jared kinda told all of us that they were retiring. I never had a clue that they were thinking about it until they said that. Kinda made me feel betrayed you know."

"Because they didn't share that with you before they made the decision or the fact that they retired?" He was always shrewed.

"Both, I guess."

He studied me for a moment before he leaned a shoulder against a tree. "They wanted out before I even left. But they stayed on to give me the space I needed. For me to learn and grow I guess."

"For the good of the pack, huh?" I laughed lightly. "Nobel of them, even though they stopped being wolf. Why do you think it was so hard for them? To stop. I mean they couldn't stop over night. Sam would go what? Three or four months before he'd slip up and phase. Jared—" I snorted in memory. "Stopping isn't easy, is it?"

"Paul, they've not stopped for good, man. They've just stopped for now. They can phase anytime they want to."

I nodded. My thoughts weren't exactly concrete. But it was there. When I first phased I was so out of control that getting into the right frame of mind to phase back was hard. The slightest thing would set me off and I'd phase. The guys would bet on me and goad me when we were young. I never disappointed.

It took me a few years really to come up with the technique I used to phase back. It was from something I'd read on meditation and actually put that teaching to the test. It was a matter of clearing my mind and this was something I shared with every young wolf I come in contact with. It doesn't happen overnight. Everytime I failed, it made me angrier. The wolf was so much a part of me these day. Hell, I've been wolf far longer than I've been human. What if I became the old Paul again? In hindsight, the old Paul wasn't much of a nice guy. I don't ever want my sons to see that side of me. But my sons, they're so much like me. How would they be when they phase? They might have my struggles, my temper – or Rachel's temper. No difference there. My boys were half-Sarrazin and half-Black wolves. What sort of a combination would that be? There was no escape for them. Shouldn't I be there to guide them? To help them?

"You know, they never gave me a clue that they were thinking of it."

"And now the thoughts of retiring have entered your head. Is that what this is about?" Jake asked. I shrugged. "Talk to me, man. What's really bothering you?"

"I don't know. Thinking about it now, I wish they told me."

"So you could have stopped with them?"

"Jake, I phased when I was fifteen. Twenty-one years, that's how long I've been wolf. I don't know how to be a regular guy anymore. I should have stopped a long time ago." I should have. And because I didn't stop with Sam and Jared, I don't know how to be a Joe Common anymore.

"You phased when your body was ready for it. You stop when your mind is ready for it. There's no ganging up and making it a team event," Jake said dryly. I gritted my teeth. It was not the first time that he's pulled simple words right out of the blues and have it seem so totally obvious. He was seriously giving me a duh moment. "The young guys, it's an effort for them to learn to control the wolf, to keep from phasing, to learn to phase at will. It all takes effort, both mental and physical. Once you've mastered that, you live that life. Everyone has their own point when they want to retire. It's taken you twenty-one years to start thinking about it. Seriously Paul, you're facing a hell of a big challenge now, because what is retiring really? It's about controlling that urge to phase and holding on to that control no matter what. Stopping is not going to happen overnight. But you've got to start somewhere only when you're mentally ready for it. Then plan it out every step of the way. Planning is something you're good at."

"That easy, huh?"

"Easier. If Leah could do it, so can you."

I snorted. "I hate you, man," I stated and he laughed. Then I sighed and shook my head. As easy as it seemed, it will still take time. Probably a hell of a lot of time in my case. But that would solve just one aspect of my delima. "My boys," I said softly and I watched as Jake shifted his position against the tree. "I don't want them going through what I did alone. The struggle to phase human, the struggle to remain human. I hated myself sometimes because of my weakness. No one else had my problem." I ran my hands through my hair before I turned away from Jake and took two steps. Then I spun back to look him straight in the eyes. "I don't know what I want. But I do know I want to grow old with your sister."

"Idiot. I'll still be around and I am their cool uncle. I won't let any of them be scared, Paul. Besides, they already are in on the secret. Why would they be scared, huh? Every little kid in there," he gestured towards the house behind him, "is looking forward to the day he phases. Scared is the last thing they'll be."

And suddenly, just like that I felt stupid. For having doubts, for laying this on Jake. His kids were destined for something bigger. I knew the burden and worry he carried for his boys and here I was whining about my problems. "I'm sorry, man," I mumbled.

He smiled. "Ever wonder why, when you were still living in Forks, I'd assign the newbies to you?" I shook my head. "You were a total natural with them, easing their fears, teaching them to center their thoughts. The first time you did that, I thought 'oh boy, this jackass is going to be a great father one day'. You didn't disappoint. And you know what, man?"

"What?"

"Every young wolf out there that you've helped? They all look up to you. You were a great mentor, a big brother, the go-to guy. Every one of them, would do anything to be able to return the favour to you. Even that Whitman kid. He's not in on the secret, but you did something for him today. You made him a part of the pack, you gave him a sense of belonging. For him it'll always be you who gave him that, not his wolf genes. That kid is never going to forget what you did for him, man. And I can guarantee you, him and the other kids you helped would do what it takes to look out for your kids without being asked to. Your boys will be in good hands, I promise you," he was grinning and I felt a blush coming up. "Dude, if you want to retire, then do it. Although there's a busybody in there who would probably have a few things to say about it," Jake said gesturing towards the house again.

"You shouldn't talk about your father that way," I grinned.

He barked out a laugh. "I was talking about Rachel!"

_**Rachel**_

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself, staying in the bathroom to pull on panties and one of Paul's old, washed countless times t'shirts. His mom never threw away any of his old stuff and whenever we were in La Push, I loved sleeping in his t'shirts, especially this one La Push High football t'shirt. When I was in highschool, I loved these shirts, some girls would wear their boyfriend's shirts just to make a statement, but since I never dated in high school, I could only look, but now, it may be a little late, but I had the ultimate jock. I grinned to myself as I heard the sounds coming from the bedroom, the clink of Paul's watch hitting the dresser, the sound of his zipper coming down. The walls were thin here, old houses are like that I suppose, hence my rule of no sex when we're in Paul's parents house, or my father's house, or at least when the house isn't empty. I took my time to brush and floss, taking the quiet moment to gather my thoughts. Something was bothering my wolf and for some reason, he was chosing to keep it to himself. That could only mean one thing. Something about me was bothering him.

Leaving my hair in its bun on the top of my head, I made my way into the bedroom and stopped a moment to appreciate the sight. He was stretched out on top of the covers in his boxers and the pale moonlight streaming in though the shutters highlighted every hard pane and angle of his chest, the lines of his abs and the inviting V that started from his hip bones. I was not an artist but, I knew a vision of beauty when I saw one. He had an arm thrown over his face and I also knew that when he lies like that, whatever it was that was bothering him earlier, me I'm sure, was still there, in the forefront of his thoughts.

"Hey," I whispered as I reached out to twist his big toe. It got a response as he lifted his arm off his face to glare at me. I glared back. "What's bothering you?" He shook his head and buried his head once more and I twisted once more.

"Rachel!" he hissed.

"Don't block me out, Winters!"

He sat up then. "Can we not do this right now?"

I knew what he meant, this house, the thin walls, his parents in the next room. But I couldn't drop it. Knowing that something was bothering him, bothered me. And for some reason that I've never been able to understand why, I never could rest easy when Paul couldn't. "No!"

He sighed as he fell back into bed. "It's wolf business." I crossed my arms and stayed where I was at the foot of the bed as I counted...6, 7, 8. A single eye popped open. "Are you coming to bed?" He never could sleep if he wasn't manhandling me somehow. I kept my glare on him and he sighed once more before he sat up again and shoved my pillow up behind his back. "I've been thinking about my retirement plan," he said softly.

"What?" This threw me.

"Being wolf. It's time to stop, Rach."

I think I lost my ability to speak for a while, and speech came back together with my rioting thoughts. "What about the young kids? They need you, Winters." They did. They were always over, always needing Paul for some kind of advice, for guidance. They needed him.

"I'll still be there for them. Why would I stop that? I'd still be pack, babe. I just want to stop phasing."

"Th-the new kid. You found him, Paul. You brought him into the pack. What about other kids like that? You helped this kid. He won't run away like Jake did because you helped him!" It was hard saying all this in a whispered.

"I did that without phasing, Rachel."

"This is because I'm forty, isn't it?" Damn. I didn't expect this from him. It had crossed my mind before that he was the oldest active wolf, but it never occured to him to stop when they did and I was never going to ask him to. But now, on my birthday, this is what he does?

He shrugged. "Not because of that. It's just, there has to be a point somewhere, for that thought to come to my mind. It's here now. Controlling the wolf has never been easy for me," he reached out a hand, coaxing me into his arms, but I refused to move. He sighed and he dropped his hand. "I'd probably fail over and over again until I get some sort of control to keep the wolf away. It's just time to start, Rach."

My eyes filled. He was such an idiot. He was doing it for me. He was doing it so he could grow old with me. "What about the boys?" I whispered.

"What about them?"

"I always thought you'd be there when they phase, Winters. You said you were scared when you first turned wolf." I didn't know what I was going with this. Did I want Paul with me, to grow old with me and watch our babies grow up? Yes, I did. Did I want him to live forever and ever? Yes, I did too. But then, there was also the possibility of him getting hurt or worst, he fought vampires for crying out loud. If he stopped, he would be safe. I wanted that too, as selfish as that sounded. And the most glaringly obvious thing of all that was right there in my face, he loved being wolf, he loved the power, the speed, the freedom he has when he's running as a wolf, the satisfaction of knowing that he's once again kept the safety and peace of the people he was sworn to protect, and...and, he was willing to give all that up, because for some strange and twisted mythological reason, he loves me more than anything else and the tears slipped out of my eyes.

"I'll still be there when they phase, baby," he said gently, clearly not understanding the reason of my tears. "I'm not going anywhere." And we just stayed where we were, staring at each other. "Rach, come to bed," he sighed tiredly. "We'll talk about this when we get home. It'll all still thoughts, nothing concrete. We'll discuss this first before I take any definate actions, okay?"

He was a fool sometimes. But my fool. My foolish wolf. And the constant there wasn't the fool part but the _my_ part. No matter what he decides and what he does, no matter who tries what or what old piece of yesterday drops back into the picture and causes his mom to worry, Paul Winters totally belongs to me, just like I belong to him. I pulled up the neck of my shirt to dry my eyes as I straightened my shoulders once more. My Paul, that was the main thing in my mind and I maintained the eye contact with my husband as I pulled my hair free from its bun and shook it loose. I liked the way his eyes appreciated the fall of my hair, I see this look all the time, but I wanted another look he wears all the time too. Grabbing the hem of the t'shirt, I pulled it slowly up and over my head.

Well, the alarm in his eyes were not what I expected, but I ignored it as I crawled onto the bed and made my slow and leisurely way over to my shellshocked husband. "Rachel!" he hissed. "We can't—" But that didn't stop him from kissing me back. Then kiss me again, one hand holding my head firmly to him while the other wrapped itself around my waist, pulling me closer to him, my legs naturally falling apart to straddle him as our tongues got together to say hello, how do you do, do you come here often, oh yes, all the time. We both panted when our lips parted. But he held me close, forehead to forehead as he fought for control. Control that I had no intention of letting him have, as I nibbled on his ear, then licked a slow line down the column of his neck, just the way he likes.

"Rachel!" he part groaned, part moaned. "My parents are right next door," he sort of gasped.

I looked up at him, loving the expression on his face. After all these years, I could still do this to him. "Then you better keep the volume down, Winters," I whispered back.

Both of us jumped when the TV came on suddenly in the next room. From the sound of things, a western, complete with the sound of horse hooves and gunshots. Then a giggle escaped me. It was going to be hard to face Paul's parents in the morning, so I guess all the fun and teasing was over. I was not prepared for the look in Paul's eyes though. It spelt trouble in capital letters and it was all directed at me. Next thing I knew, I was flat on my back and Paul slidding my last piece of clothing off me.

"You know what this means, woman?" he growled softly.

"What?" I half-laughed.

"It means my parents have given me the go-ahead," he grinned.

"Oh God!" I moaned, fighting to keep my voice down. "Paul! Paul!" I hissed frantically. "Don't let me make any noise!" I gasped at him, pinching his shoulder and smacking him a few times to get my point across.

His response was to fling a pillow over my face. I love this mad man.

_A/N : So there you go, Paul's theme isn't about a wolf dealing with phasings or imprinting. Something different for this guy. What did you think of this chapter?_


	8. Chapter 8 : Primal Green

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

I'm alive people! I'm so sorry but I got majorly distracted again! And it was not over GOT! This time with Christian Grey! Anyone read the Shades of Grey trilogy? I'm like WOW! And a small part of me wishes I have what it takes to write something that good, that could get published. Sigh.. and I think I'm in love with Christian Grey so it was kinda hard to get back into the Paul zone. This chapter is for Jessica who's been so good at subtly pushing me to write again and also for Susie who's gonna be ssooo disappointed with this chapter.

Enjoy everyone! And my apologies for the delay once again..

**The Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 8: Primal Green**

_**Paul**_

The trees seem to blur as we run silently as a pack through the silent forest. It's like all the other creatures of the night, know that there's danger out lurking tonight, everything is quiet, even the air is still. I try to fall back, ready to give the lead to any one of them who would take it, but they slow down along with me. Joey and Tokala flank me, their attention clearly in on the hunt and it annoys me that I can't say the same for the rest of them.

_Go! _I command to Joey and Tokala and they take the lead immediately, sprinting forward, followed by the pack of idiots.

_She wanted me, man. She was panting for it!_

_You were trying to get her drunk, dude. I watched you buy her drink after drink!_

_Wait! Wait! So did you get laid?_

_No! She barfed all over him!_

They all brayed like some sort of donkey and hyena crossbreed.

_Shut. The. Fuck. Up! _I finally let my thoughts filter through to them. _There are two blood suckers and a human out here and you're more interested in Birmingham's fuck life! _They fall silent, but the hurt feelings hang out there, tangible in the quiet night. _So are you here as security for me, or are you here to save a fucking life?_

_Paul?_

_Tokala and Joey have gone on ahead. Why the fuck are you idiots falling back? _

They get the hint and they all sprint past me, following the trail of the older two wolves instead of tracking the scent of the vampires themselves. I sigh in resignation and when I hear a twig snap, I bare my teeth in annoyance. None of them are brand new wolves and you'd think they'd have learnt the art of stealth by now. Then we come upon then, clearly illuminated in the pale moonlight, two males, standing over the prone figure of a woman, both leeches clearly aware that they were no longer alone, both in the crouching vampire fighting stance that is so familiar to us.

It takes me just a second to figure out that they've already fed from her but she's still alive, and based on the remains of her clothes, she like them, was a creature of the night, a hooker probably. I sniff carefully and I just know that she's pumped full of crack. I hate finds like this. I wish she was already dead so I wouldn't have to do what is needed.

I stand back and watch, making no move to get closer, to get involved. This is a bigger patrol group than usual, I do this on the nights I join them. So that I can watch them all, so I can push them all, so I can get them all ready. These are my guys and I needed them at their peak before I put my plans in motion, but sometimes asking for seriousness just doesn't do it. Tokala and Joey have clearly picked a vamp each and I watch as Scott darts forward without stopping, without thinking, crashing into one of the leeches and causing the other idiots to stampede in as well. Tokala and Joey pull back in surprise and I tell them to fall back, to watch the show until we really need to wade in and save the day. _How do I leave like this?_ I sit down on the ground and watch them. Tokala paces in a worried manner, his attention on the pack as the surprise attack slowly unravels in front of us.

_Fuck! Fuck! I can't hold him down! Get him! _

_Move! You're in my way!_

_Rip the fucker's throat out, G! Fuck I'm already holding him back for you._

_Watch it! Watch it!_

_Ah! You're on my tail! Get off my fucking tail!_

I am positively pissed. If they don't get killed in there, I might be tempted to kill all of them myself. _Fall back! _I snap at Tokala as he attempts to join the rumble.

_They're just kids, Paul! _Tokala tries to reason with me.

_They're not too young to fuck, are they? Cos if they are, then I say they're all old enough to think! _I am seething inside. This is probably the sloppiest fight ever and it was still going on the same way after twenty odd minutes.

_Move your ass Scott, you're totally covering him, you dumbass!_

Something clenches inside me as I listen to their ramblings, as they go on bitching at each other. Teamwork is good, but in a fucking fight for your life, you don't ask for someone to hold your enemy down and clearly mark the spot for you to attack.

_Paul! I don't want to bite Scott by accident! _Luka sounds hurt but fuck his feelings.

_Hey careful careful! Paul! What should we do? _

I turn away from Lil' G and his frantic pleading looks. I'm clearly aware of Tokala's looking at me although my attention is not on him. _Stay back, _I tell him again. _I don't want you getting involved._

I turn my attention to the other vamp and find Scar in better shape as he handles one of the leeches all alone. The vamp is strong, and he throws punches and I watch the fight for a moment as he makes many blink-of-an-eye attempts to get his arms around Scar, but he's quick, always darting out of reach in time, and always taking a chunk off. Out of all them, Scar and Scott are the better fighters but where Scar uses his head, Scott is ruled by his arrogance and cockiness. Sounds like me I guess, back when I was young and hotheaded, but I knew when it was time to grow up and grow the fuck up I did.

_Joey! _I bark. _No! Let Scar handle this! _I stop Joey from stepping in to help Scar. Four wolves versus two vamps and you'd think the fucking idiots would know how to spread themselves evenly.

I feel the total stunned silence from my wolves as they absorb what I had just commanded Joey to do. They're no longer boys, they're men, a strange breed of protectors. I feel Joey's warring needs to obey, not to obey. I sense Tokala's rage towards me as he trembles close to my side, but he holds his tongue. Scar has a smart head on his shoulders. I've always liked that about him. He's not an idiot and he proves it to us by finishing off his vamp in a clean kill.

We all turn back to the other fight still going on. I watch all the flopping around, the yells, the yelps, the multiple times one of them could have lost his head or a limb. I can't step in, I won't. They need to become men, I can't hold their hands anymore. And finally after a long drawn out struggle, they manage to finally rip the vamp's head off. Messy, this was fucking messy.

I guess the darkness of my mood is clearer than I thought. None of them cheer or hoot like they usually do when there's a successful kill. I watch as the three of them remain by their kill, trying to catch their breaths, studying their own scrapes and cuts. Scar is the only one still moving as he gathers the pieces of the vamps, building a pile as I slowly walk up to them. Joey steps up to help Scar.

_Are you mad at us or something, Paul? You always tell us what to do. _Lil' G rolls over on his back to look at me upside down.

I phase back to human, pulling on my shorts as I struggle to control my temper. I need to be human. It's fucking hard guarding my thoughts when I'm this angry. "That was sloppy! You call yourselves wolves? Pathetic!"

One by one, they change back, the younger guys gathering around me as Joey and Tokala hang back, both of them silent as they go about building the pyre and setting the vamps on fire.

"There! All done," Scott announces as he wipes his hands on his shorts.

"Oh really?" I ask coolly. "What about her?" I gesture towards the unconscious woman. She writhes periodically and that pisses me off more. I wish she was dead already.

Luka checks on her finally, some med student he was. "Paul! They've bit her, man!"

"No kidding, genius? You interrupted them mid-feed. What were you expecting?"

"Why are you so mad at us today?" Lil' G whines, clearly hurt by my attitude.

"Why?" I snap. "When did Joey send out the alert? How long before you arrived? If we'd been here five minutes earlier do you think we could have saved her?" I study the various expressions. "What? Are you thinking that Joey, Tokala and I should have gone ahead and taken care of this shit while you guys take your own fucking time?" Still no answers from them and I want to howl, to scream. "Do you know who you are? You're wolves? I know you didn't ask for this shit, but you're doing this. This is your stint, your fucking patrol. It's falling on your shoulders to keep people safe. You. Not me. I've served my time. I need to fucking hand this shit over to one of you."

"What?" There's shock written on every face present. And the furious whispering is almost overwhelming. And then there's Tokala's look of betrayal. It's almost too hard to take. I know how he feels. I'd felt the same when Sam had yanked the rug out from under me. I look away from him.

"I can't do this forever," I run my hands through my hair as I look up at the moon. "What the fuck were you expecting?"

"Paul, you can't leave, man. We don't know what to do. You always guide us," Luka tries to reason with me.

"I hold your hands way too much. It's got to change now."

The bitten woman convulses suddenly before going limp and Luka checks her pulse. "She's still alive," he mumbles miserably.

"What are you gonna do?" I ask.

No one answers, each trying to look somewhere else. This isn't the first time that we've found a victim still alive. When the Cullens were around, Carlisle was a big help. None of us hung around to see what he'd do, but we knew. It was easy accepting it from Carlisle. He's a decent guy and we all know that he would do nothing to degrade the victims, always giving them dignity in death. And since they've left, it had been left to Jake, Embry and me. Killing vampires makes us feel good, feel like heroes. But sometimes there's something called mercy killing. That doesn't make you feel like a fucking hero. That makes you feel dirty as hell. It makes you feel like a murderer. There's no kinder word to that. And right now, I needed to create a bunch of murderers. Some role model I was turning out to be.

"Lil' G, it's your decision. What do you want to do with her?"

He swallows hard. "Paul, please…don't make me do this."

"I have to make you do something," I say softly. I hate this. Hate doing this. But it has to be done, he's too soft, we were letting him slide by and one day that might kill him. "There are wolves younger than you now. I can't rest easy thinking you're mucking up out there!"

"I – I'll lead the next fight, Paul. I won't stand back. Dude, please. Don't make me do this!"

"You have four options," I go on like Lil' G hasn't spoken, counting with my fingers. "One, kill her fast yourself and leave her where she won't be found for a while. Long enough for any vamp DNA to disappear before she's found. Her family eventually gets a body back that way. Two," I fold in another finger, "Call the Seattle Vamps to come take care of her. They'd kill her for you but you won't have to watch. They'll drain her first though. But hey, we all need allies, right?" Four pairs of worried eyes stare at me. Tokala looks clearly pissed. Joey remains focused on the purple fire still burning. "Three, let her finish turning, then kill her, since it's easier for you to kill a vamp."

"What's four?" Scar asks.

"Walk away," I reply.

"She might turn or someone might find her, put her in the hospital or something," Luka voices out.

"So if you don't agree with number four, then pick one, two or three." Easy, see. It's a decision I've been making for a long time, kids.

"Paul!" Tokala bites out furiously. "Leave them alone. I'll take care of this."

"No! I know you and Joey can do it. But what about them? What if something happens when none of us are around? What do you want them to do then? Huh?"

"I think we can just snap her neck. I think they've already come close to draining her. It will be quick," Luka says softly.

"All agree?" I ask and wait for the affirmatives from all present. "Lil' G, take care of her."

"Paul, please," he's almost close to tears.

"Take care of her!" I bite out slowly through clenched teeth.

Scott steps up beside Lil' G. "Paul, I'll do it. Don't make him do it. Please."

"It's Scott or me, Paul," Scar volunteers. There was no shortage of loyalty within this pack.

I sighed in disgust as I turned away. "Fine! Scott, handle it. Joey, watch him, okay?" Then I looked at Lil' G over my shoulder. "You're leading the next patrol, and I want a solo kill from you."

I'd take two steps away when I hear Luka whisper, "It's okay, man. You'll be okay. We have the antidote." And that just shoots my temper sky high.

"Hey assholes," I snap as I turn and stomp back to where they were. "Do you know how many filled syringes I have in my fridge? Eight. One for each of us. And every time we use one, Jake goes home and decides between his five-year old son and his one-year old son, which one to poke and prod to refill a syringe. That's what I think of when I face one of these suckers!" My breath hitches. They're never serious. And I'm torn. I want out and I can never on a clear conscious walk away when they're not ready. And this is killing me! "You want to know how many times I've been bitten? How many times Jake has had to refill a syringe because of me? How many times one of those little boys had to be a pin cushion for me? None! Not once!" I rub my forehead, I have a pounding headache. "Why is this still a game for you? Why?"

As expected, no one answers and I know I'm wasting my time. "Scott, you have a job to do. The rest of you, I want you to watch."

I walk away. I can't explain this feeling inside. Anger, _that_ I know. But I also feel like crying. They shouldn't be learning how to kill, even if it was for the good of the people who don't care, people who don't know, people who judge. Does this make you a good person or a bad person? Does this still make you a murderer? What kind of good guidance was I giving these kids? And I go home now and play at being a good daddy. Even killers have good homes and happy families right? What kind of a mess are these kids minds going to be in now? Because of me?

"Hey!" Tokala steps up behind me. "Were you going to tell me?"

"Yeah," I sigh. My head really hurts.

"Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"What did you think, huh? What?" I yell. "That I'd do this forever?" We stare at each other, both of us angry and then I remember how Tokala has always looked up to me, from the start that's how he was. The way Seth had blindly followed Jake when he left the pack to join the Cullens, Tokala has been the same with me. In fact, he's been the same since he started crawling. I was always the older cousin he looked up to. "Tok," I say in a softer tone. "It's time for me to retire, man. I need to start growing old. I have a wife, kids. Were you thinking I'd be wolf forever? I can't look like this forever, man. People will notice."

_**Rachel**_

I don't know what it was that woke me but all of a sudden, I'm wide awake and alert. The bed feels empty without Paul in it and over the years I've trained myself to sleep with him in it and him out of it. But this feels different. I look at the clock on Paul's bedside table, 04:12 in the morning. And he's still not back. Normally Paul leaving in the middle of the night and sometimes staying away the whole night doesn't bother me. I know it's what he does as a wolf and there's this part inside my heart that just knows that he is okay. They do get vampire activity here in Seattle and if I was being honest, they see more action in Seattle than they do in La Push, Forks and Port Angeles combined. And ever since he made the decision to retire, he's been pushing himself and the boys harder to get everything ready and in prime condition before stepping down. That's just the way Paul is, it's the way he's wired.

I slowly sit up in bed and feel the skin on my bare arms prickle as the cool breeze from the open window fans over me. If Paul was in bed with me, the cool breeze wouldn't bother me, he's my own personal heating system. I considered diving back under the warm covers but something in my gut told me that I was needed elsewhere. I brave the cold then to pull on a robe before padding softly down to Keegan's room. He's sound asleep, the poor abused octopus squashed beneath him and I carefully tug his covers off from their bunched up, twisted mess at his feet and tuck him back in. Then I sneak into Logan's room, careful not to make any noise and wake Phyllis who has the baby monitor with her. And then finally, satisfied that these two Winters men were fine, I slip quietly down the stairs, my thoughts on the third Winters man I love.

This retirement decision of his, although it's his own decision, was causing him a lot of stress even if he was refusing to admit it. Just yesterday, he wanted to meet me for lunch, calling me and ordering me to get to the restaurant he picked, and snapped at me when I told him my workload was sky high. I had been planning on having a sandwich at my desk, but I made time for him, ready to give him a piece of my mind but seeing him at the restaurant glaring at the waitress for simpering too much made me hold my tongue.

"_I've already ordered!" he snapped, glaring at me when I arrived, as if daring me to have an issue with that._

"_Fine," I said as I smiled my thanks to the shaken waitress. I waited for her to leave before turning to my grouchy wolf. "What's wrong with you, Winters?"_

"_I just want to have some fucking lunch with my wife, ok?" he snapped, looking at me in that wolf way, his unblinking glare all at once intimidating and at the same time a big turn on. I wondered fleetingly if all the female vampires he comes across feel this same electrical jolt I get from that glare but then I supposed they wouldn't when faced with a hairy monster and not this clean shaven, suave hunk of a man. Something about my expression must have affected him as he'd suddenly pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply for moment before turning back to me. "I'm sorry, baby. Today's been—it's been totally crap. I just needed—"_

"_Hey," I murmured softly, and not caring about the other people in the restaurant, pulling my chair closer to him, putting one arm over his shoulder and my other hand on his arm, I leaned against him. He made no move to touch me back, keeping his hands clenched into fists on top of the table and breathing deeply. I massaged him where my hands lay on his shoulder and arm and I waited as he slowly relaxed, slowly calmed, slowly regained control. _

"_Sorry…I'm sorry," he turned to smile at me, the same sort of smile that Logan gives me when he's happy to see me. Taking my hand then, he pressed a kiss to the palm of my hand. "You keep me grounded, Rach. I needed you before I flew off the handle." And just like that, my previous peeve of him intruding in my working hours melted away. He needed me, I'm his rock._

But how much of a rock, am I? This is just the tip of the iceberg, I know. He's still phasing. What happens when he stops? How will he function? And he refuses to talk about this whenever I bring it up. This is not what I want for him. Yes, I'd like for him to retire, to spend more time with me and the boys, to be safe, safe from being badly hurt or killed when he's out there facing the worst kind of horrors but I don't want him to have the burden of his decision weighing so heavily on his shoulders.

Paul and I were already a couple when Sam Uley retired along with Jared Schweig. I was the only imprint then within the active pack, the one who knew what was happening within the pack. At least I was until Nessie moved to the rez with Jake, and Claire didn't count back then, she was still too young. Sam and Jared hadn't made preparations the way Paul was. Their main focus had been entirely on controlling their need to phase. They didn't care if the boys in the pack sank or swam. They were lucky I guess that Jake was back. But that wasn't Paul's way, he wasn't about to hand over a pile of shit for someone else to clean and that's something that makes me love him more. He cares, he truly cares, and it's beyond a duty for him. He wants the boys in the pack to be okay, to function at top form without him there to guide them. It makes him a prince among men and he's mine.

I find him in his office and I stay by the door to watch him, not entirely sure if he would appreciate the intrusion. I watch as he remains by the open window, his morose gaze focused somewhere in the dark woods beyond our property line, seeing something there visible only to his eyes. It's the smooth motion of him raising the open bottle of Patron to his lips and drinking deeply that makes me move forward to wrap my arms around him from the back, to rub my nose against the smooth skin of his bare back, to press a kiss along his spine before pressing my cheek against him. He sighs softly before taking another swig of the drink. I guess he knew I was there the whole time. There's no creeping up on him. Once a wolf, always a wolf and that thought makes me frown. Where did that come from?

"Hey," I whisper. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" he snorts lightly. "Everything." I lightly bite his neck in response, before running my tongue over the spot. He brings his hand up, along with the bottle to touch the wet spot on his neck. "I'm in a rotten mood, princess. Why don't you go on up to bed? We'll talk in the morning."

"Come with me," I urge as he lightly nudges me away.

He shakes his head, holding the bottle up with a smirk. "I'm entertaining a friend."

"Winters," I say softly. I wasn't worried that he might be getting drunk or developing a drinking problem. I just didn't want him to wallow in whatever this was alone.

And suddenly he's caressing my cheek as he looks down at me, his expression serious. "I've been really awful to you these past couple of months, haven't I?"

"Well, you've not been having any shinning moments," I drawl.

"I'm not a nice guy, Rachel," he whispers suddenly, the intensity in his eyes shaking me as it seems like he's trying to convince me about something else.

"You never were, Winters," I whisper back. "But then, I never claimed to be a nice girl. So that makes us the perfect pair, huh?" I take the opportunity to wrap my arms around his neck and he doesn't push me away, instead he wraps his arms loosely around my waist, the ever present bottle resting against my behind.

"Oh Rachel, my dear, dear forensics expert of a wife," he says softly, a slight mocking tone in his voice. "If you only knew just what your husband gets up to when he goes out there."

"You kill vampires," I whisper, unsure suddenly where he's going with this.

"Mostly, yes. But that's not all I kill, baby."

"I know."

And suddenly, abruptly, he pushes away from me and turns away to run a hand through his hair. "What?"

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, and I am the next best thing to a rocket scientist, Winters," I say drily. Typical of him to think I wouldn't have guessed. It was a matter of playing with the probabilities. If there are lives saved, there are lives lost. If they stumble on an already dead person, they may also stumble on someone slowly dying, slowly changing. There are nights when he comes home from patrol, his euphoria so high that he wakes me up from sleep to claim me as a wolf claims his mate, just like there are nights when he stays in the shower scrubbing and scrubbing himself over and over, locking me out when I go in to check on him.

But my comments shake him so much that he falls back on the couch in the middle of the room. I follow him there, sitting sideways so that I could look at him. "What happened today, Paul?" I ask gently as I turn his head to face me.

He looks deeply into my eyes, looking for something there, assurance? Acceptance? "I kill people, Rachel."

I keep my hand pressed to his cheek. "I know, baby," I say softly.

"Rach…" he's not able to go on.

"You're thinking what is she doing fighting for justice for dead people and then living with a killer? Your killing is not of an evil intent, Paul." But he's not able to look at me anymore and this bothers me. "Paul, I'm your imprint, I'm a part of the pack too. What would you expect me to do if I came across someone who was already bitten and none of you wolves were around? Paul, baby," I pull his face to me again. "I would do what was needed, baby. I know my place in the pack. I understand what's happening."

He grabs both my hands then, pressing them to his face. "You shouldn't have to, Rachel."

"I know, I know," I croon gently. "But I would if I had to. Just like you do because you have to. It doesn't make you bad. Talk to me, Paul. Tell me what's bothering you."

He leans back against the couch then, pulling me with him and tucking me under his arm. I press my cheek to his chest, listening to the strong and steady rhythm of his heart. "Only three of us do the dirty work. Jake, Embry and me."

"The Shipo guys. The three of you were always tougher than all the others."

"I pushed Lil' G to do it this time."

"Lil' G?" I raise myself to look down at my troubled husband. "He'll never be able to do it, Paul. He doesn't have that—that streak in him."

"He couldn't do it. Scott had to do it."

I nodded. Scott had it in him, that hardness within that not everyone has. "If you're stepping down, you need someone else to be ready to do this. Why Scott? Why not Tokala?"

"Because there was just one victim who needed killing. If there were more, I would have given each of the guys one."

"Winters!" I was shocked. "Why?"

"It's horrible. Carrying this shit inside. I didn't want just one person with the burden. Not all of them have a rock they can go home to, not all of them have someone who keeps the nightmares and the dark thoughts away."

I nod, understanding what he was saying. He wants the pack to be its own support system. One wolf playing the hand of God would be able to receive mental support from another wolf who had been in that position before. That was all good and said, but not all his wolves were cut out for this role. "Lil' G will never be able to do it. Neither will Luka."

"I know."

"What's this about, Paul?" I ask, gesturing to the bottle sitting on the coffee table.

"I pushed them today. To do it, you know," he swallows almost painfully. "One day, I'll be pushing Keegan and Logan to do the same thing." I listen to him breathing harshly as I keep myself pressed against him, offering him whatever strength that he could take from me. And then he breaks. "I'm already training them, Rach. I'm paving the path for them. I'm training our children to grow up to become killers like their old man."

_A/N : Hey Susie.. Gotcha!_

_The rest of you.. I love reviews! Hint! Hint! Hehehe.._


	9. Chapter 9 : Cirrus Blue

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

No distractions this time. I don't know how this chapter wrote itself. But here you go. Pretty darn fast, huh? I hope you like it. My sister says she likes this "episode" :) That's why I'm posting it. Plus Jen says it's good although I'm painting her already horrible character horribler (is that a word?)

My many thanks to all of you who reviewed. Your comments mean a lot to me, even if some of you confuse me ;) Quite a number of you think I should attempt to publish an original huh? Wowsa! I promise I am thinking very hard about this and I really appreciate all the kind words and motivations. You'll be the first to know if I actually do something about it.

Okies.. I don't know how many of you are gonna like this chapter. It's kind of 'different'. And just in case you're wondering, Jen's **Love You Madly** is set 3 years ahead of this story. I hope you guys are reading it, especially since I know what's gonna happen next and it's so OMG-ish!

This chapter is for Laura who has been so very, very patient.

**The Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 9 : Cirrus Blue**

_**Rachel**_

I roll over in bed and reach for my phone which sits charging on my bedside table, cursing softly when I manage to knock it off the table and onto the floor. I'm half-hanging off the bed, trying to grab the phone. The ringtone, a recording of Keegan chanting 'It's Daddy! It's Daddy!' along with Logan chortling in glee tells me just who it is calling me in the middle of the night. Or is it early in the morning? The dim, dim light in the bedroom tells me that Paul may have never come to bed.

"Hello?" I say softly, slightly apprehensive.

"Rach," I hear a million different things in the silence that falls after he says my name.

"What is it? What happened?" I ask as dread fills my stomach. Paul is fine, he's fine. He's the one calling me and not one of the guys to tell me that he's hurt or something. And I take a moment to thank God for that. "Paul? Baby?"

"Lil' G, Lil' G, he...he," he's not able to go on and I sit up, bringing a hand to my mouth.

Oh God no. Please no. Paul has been pushing them to buck up, pushing hard the way he does. I let myself believe that I'd managed to talk him out of making Lil' G or Luka kill a...a non-vampire. But he's been pushing the boys to fight harder, faster. And now, now Lil' G. Oh God. Paul won't be able to handle this. The guilt will kill him.

"Oh God, Paul. How?" I ask as a tear runs down my cheek. I've always liked Lil' G, he's always had this macho and brave front but the gentle soul within always shines through. "What about the antidote? Didn't it work?"

I clutch the phone tightly to my ear and I listen to him clear his throat, like something was stuck there and he couldn't talk. "It did. Joey, he, um, he got to him immediately."

"He's alive?" I jump out of bed, relief making me want to—to move, to do something. I feel like my heart is going to beat itself out of my chest.

"Rach," and I hear it all in his voice, the pain, the guilt, the way he's already beating himself up.

"He's alive, Winters. He's alive," I tell him fiercely, needing to get through to him. He doesn't say anything and I have this urge to shake him, to hold him. "Baby, come home. Come home, now. Please?"

"I can't leave him. I don't want to leave him alone."

"Bring him with you. Is he hurt badly?"

"Not really. Just the usual. But he got bit, Rachel," his voice cracks again.

"Don't say it! Don't you dare say it's your fault!" I snap. Don't you dare, Winters! I'm not going to let you blame yourself for this. "Bring him home, baby. I want to look him over."

"Can he stay? I don't want him to let him out of my sight until I know he's really fine."

"Sure, sure. Of course. Bring him home with you, Paul."

When he hangs up, I sit at the end of the bed, my mind in a turmoil. I am glad Lil' G is fine but this is the first time a wolf in Seattle has been bitten without Seth or Carlisle around. I've had the basic training, along with every wolf in the pack, young or old, on how to administer the antidote. Over the years, Carlisle had upgraded the syringes to the auto-injector pens, and it works exactly how an Epinephrine shot is administered. That part was fine, but suddenly I needed assurance on what else is needed, expected. I pick up the phone again and scroll through the numbers stored.

"Hello?" I hear a sleepy voice and I blink a couple of times stunned to hear a woman's voice. Then I kick myself. How many times have I answered Paul's phone, it's what married people do. Where else would Seth be so early on a Sunday morning?

"Abby? It's Rachel. I'm sorry if I woke you. But I really need to speak to Seth."

"Seth? Honey, wake up," I hear her try to wake him and I breathe in relief. "Is everything ok?" she asks me.

"Yes...no. I don't know. Lil' G got bit and they gave him the injection in time, but I really need advice," I tell her in a rush, suddenly thankful that pack meant having people in on the same secret, people I could talk to, confide in.

"Seth, WAKE UP!" she's firmer than she was before. "It's an emergency. Wake up! Wake up! Here. Talk to Rachel."

"What's wrong?" he's woken up, completely alert and I wonder how many times he's been woken up like this, to face an emergency of some sort.

"Lil' G was bitten a little while ago and—" I start to explain.

"Please tell me one of them was carrying the antidote. I'll be there in 30, 40 minutes. Is he still breathing?" He's all business. "Don't stop CPR."

"Wait, Seth, wait," I rush to stop him. "He's fine. Paul said he's fine. They got the antidote to him immediately. And Paul is bringing him over here. I just needed to know, should I do something? Does he need anything else? I-I've not done this before."

I hear him breathe out noisily, it's almost a sigh of relief. "He's fine?"

"Well I've not seen him myself yet. But that's what Paul said."

"If they got the antidote to him, then he's fine, Rachel. Nothing extra needed. Maybe a hot bath to soak the bite. The muscle sort of stiffens in that area but its nothing bad."

"That's it?"

"Yeah," he says and I hear the grin in his voice. "Those are two really special little boys."

I nod. Yes, Griffin and Bodhi are really special and they're not even showing their full potentials yet. "Are you sure? He doesn't need bedrest or anything?"

"Rachel, when I was bitten, I got the shot and got up and continued fighting. And then I drove three hours back to La Push." The relief I feel makes me giggle and Seth chuckles hearing me. "Relax, Rachel. Aren't you a qualified medical practitioner?"

I laugh. "The wrong kind of medical practioner. Believe me when I say I want none of you to end up on my table!" I listen to him chuckle. "Thanks Seth. I just needed to know what to expect."

"Feed him, let him sleep and he's fine. I'll take a run down later, just to look him over, okay?"

"Okay, thanks Seth."

It's almost lunch time when Jake and Seth arrive, giving me enough time to get my kids dressed for the day, calm my husband down a little, get breakfast into all of them and start preparing lunch. Lil' G comes down after a really long bath, and I smile at him knowing that he must have enjoyed himself with the music, the glass of wine that he had accepted shyly and the scented candles I had placed in the bathroom. He's refused to let me take a look at the bite insisting that it was fine and the expression on Paul's face makes me drop the subject. I'll let Seth handle it when he gets here.

"Just in time for lunch," I tell Jake as he ambles in and nudges me away from the pot of stew I was stirring, taking the spoon for me.

"I know. I timed our arrival just right," he grins.

"Idiot!" I laugh as I smack him with a spatula. "Don't stick that spoon back in the pot!" I warn.

"Beer? Wine?" Paul asks.

"I want a beer," Jake says and Seth and Lil' G say the same.

I smile as I notice Seth sniffing the air around Lil' G who scowls in return. "You smell real good, Lil' Girl," he grins.

"Shut up!" he mumbles. "And don't call me that."

"What is it? Peaches? Watermelon? Or is that some sort of a floral scent?"

"It's Rachel's bubble bath. She made me take a bath, okay!"

"You had to use a girly bubble bath? You couldn't just soak in some hot water?" Seth grins.

"It had Vitamin E in it. I thought it was good for the skin."

"Did you moisturize yourself with Rachel's moisturizer after that? Good for the skin too," Jake grins as he reaches across and pinches my cheek. I smack him with the spatula again.

"Come on you guys!" Lil' G huffs. "It's not funny!"

Knowing just how bad they could get ribbing Lil' G, even if Paul was not participating today, I divert their attention from how Lil' G was smelling to the very reason they were here. "Seth, Lil' G hasn't let me look at his bite and I'm worried about infections."

"It's cool, Rachel. Doesn't infect, trust me. But I'll look him over if it makes you feel better. Lil' G?"

"Umm, no thank you," Lil' G mumbles politely, looking mortified.

"Come on, let me see. Does it hurt? Where did you get bitten anyway?" Seth asks.

"Where?" Lil' G squeaks.

"Yeah, where?" Seth asks, cocking his head to the side and studying him seriously.

"Uhhm...Out...in the woods...near Olympic Forest."

Paul snorts. "He got a chunk taken off his ass."

The expressions on Seth's and Jake's face are priceless. Then it's Seth turn to snort. "Your ass? How on earth?"

"Look it's fine, okay? The flesh grew back. I'm fine."

"Please tell me the vamp was female," Jake asks, grinning like the rascal he is.

"No, it was a male. I killed him, Jake. Killed him myself, okay. No help."

"Must have been an ass man, huh?" Jake asks.

"Did he touch you anywhere else before you killed him? Don't be shy, you can tell us," Seth asks and they all start laughing. Even I had to smile. But feeling bad for Lil' G, I change the topic and serve lunch.

I watch Logan for a moment after putting him down for his nap when Jake pops silently into the nursery, smiling down at my sleeping baby fondly before turning to look at me.

"What?" I ask. I know what, but I was just, I don't know, stalling.

"How's he handling it?" he asks quietly.

I shake my head, the worry and anxiety that I've been trying to keep hidden, coming out in full force. Control. I have to hold this together for Paul, for me. For our children. "Not well. Jake, I'm worried about him, and now this thing with Lil' G. He's under so much of stress."

"You know, you two should take a break, go away somewhere. Leave the kids with Ness and me, forget this whole thing for a while. Relax."

"My caseload is kind of packed right now, although that sounds like a lovely idea." I start fiddling with the pile of clean diapers on the changing table. "Jake, he's not going to want to budge from here until he's sure the boys are all okay on their own. I'm scared that he's going to break from this."

"Stopping isn't easy, Rachel. And Paul is very responsible. Things okay with the two of you?"

"Yes! Oh yes." Of course everything's okay with the two of us! That's the last thing I'm worried about. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Does he have to stop? Can't he continue phasing?" I stare up at Jake frankly. I would love nothing better than to know that Paul is home safe beside me everynight. But seeing him suffer like this, and this in just the initial stages of his decision, I worry what more he'd be going through when he actually stops phasing.

"That's not a decision that you and I can make for him, Rach."

"But I hate seeing him suffer like this," I stop as my eyes fill with tears.

"He'll always be wolf, Rachel. He'll always be able to phase. But this is about controlling the phase. It's not easy, because the wolf will always want to come out," he explains. "Paul's already been struggling with this for some time. Kind of a waste to throw away all the progress he's made," he tells me in a gentle voice.

"He's going to beat himself up with what happened to Lil' G."

"Lil' G had this coming, regardless of Paul going on or stopping. If Paul wasn't doing this to Lil' G, then Embry or I would definitely have pushed him once he's back in La Push," there it is, that Alpha look that takes over his easy going expression and once more I see the changes being wolf has made to my brother. When he says something, he means it and we all scramble to obey, all the while knowing that he's not made it an order—yet.

"So you're okay with him making them kill the—the," I can't say it—humans.

"I'm going on forever, Rachel. I can take this on for the pack, for now. Paul is choosing to grow old with you. And he needs to ensure that the pack is ready to go on. Admirable trait, isn't it? I'm learning from him. I was always the one focused in the present and he's always looked at the future." He leans back against the dresser and takes hold of both my hands, "God knows what else we're going to face. This is necessary, you know? I don't have to like it. The one we let walk free could be the one coming back later and hurting our children."

I let Jake pull me into his arms. Oh my, how times have changed, here's my baby brother comforting me. "Paul's really suffering," I croak, struggling to hold back my tears. "I hate seeing him in pain."

"I'll talk to him," Jake promises into my hair. "Maybe Embry or I can be in Seattle for a while. Give him a bit of a break with the pack."

_**Paul**_

I curse colorfully as I reach for my fucking phone. With Embry and Petra in Seattle, things are a little easier on me. He's handling the guys, pushing them for me and I only run with them every other night and it's a relief, having him here as a crutch, he doesn't take any shit from me and he doesn't let the guys give me any shit either. Mostly he's a buffer when I do lose it and for some strange reason, he seems to understand what I'm going through and helps, really helps me give my wolf a little rope and then pull back. I fight the phase which toys with me every time I hear the howl, tempting me to phase. I use it as a test on my will power. Next week I'm going to push it to two days before I phase.

"What?" I snap into the phone. This is seriously a bad time. I mean seriously, seriously bad timing.

"Paul? It's Luka. I'm outside your house. Can I come in? Please?"

What the fuck does he want at—I squint at the clock—three twenty seven in the morning. "Is anyone dying?" I ask from between clenched teeth as I run my free hand into Rachel's hair and hold her in place.

"No," he sounds confused.

I hang up and glare at Rachel as she pushes my hand away and sits up from where she had been busy. "What's wrong?" she asks and I look at her and all I think is how I want to throw her down on the bed and have at her. Life is never fair.

"Luka, that dumbass," I grouch as I yank her up my body.

"Everything okay?" she asks as she pushes away from my chest and moves back to her own pillow. When the sheet comes up, I know play time for Paul is over. I curse once more at the cock blocker standing outside.

"I don't care," I say as I roll on top of her.

"Winters!" she hisses. "Stop! Stop it! You have someone waiting for you!"

"Dumbass can wait."

I slip down the dark hallway and down the stairs, stopping to turn off the alarm before opening the front door. I feel relaxed and loose, a good feeling. Luka is right outside, agitated, in just his shorts, and if someone else were to catch him like this, they would think that the trembling was caused by the cold. "What the fuck happened to you?"

"Can I come in? I think your neighbor is watching us."

"You gonna phase?"

"No!"

I let the door swing open, letting him scurry in. Something was off and I sure as hell hope he's not here to tell me that he's gotten some girl knocked up. "Keep it down. The nanny is here," I warn. And the warning is necessary, it just took one day being here to have Lil' G making eyes at Phyllis and her blushing everytime. I had to kick him out with a stern no-nonsense warning before they moved beyond the goo-goo eyes stage. Luka nods erratically at me and for a moment I wonder if he's smoked some shit. "Are you fucking high?"

"Huh? No!" He shakes his head frantically and his adams apple bobs as he swallows. "I swear!"

I chose to believe him. "Kitchen," I snap as I turn to lead the way.

"Paul? Can I have something to drink? Something really strong?"

I glare at him before I pour two tall glasses of chocolate milk, daring him to object. He doesn't. Instead he chugs it down, then sits at the bar stool figgeting, totally oblivious of his milk moustache. I let him keep it. "Well?" I demand and watch in horror as his eyes fill with tears.

"Oh Paul, it's terrible. My life is over," he blubbers. "My mom's gonna kill me," and I have no doubts anymore. He's knocked up some girl, stupid shit head. And he's a med student to boot. I stare him down as he struggles to regain control.

"I hope you're crying because someone's died. Otherwise, I'm gonna kick your ass." I'm gonna kick his ass anyway.

"No! It's worse, Paul! I think...I think I imprinted."

I sigh noisily. "And you're crying because?" His mom's gonna kill him? What the fuck?

"I'm not crying," he mumbles as he rubs his eyes.

"Right," I say as I refill his glass with more chocolate milk. No way am I giving this idiot any alcohol. "So?"

"I imprinted, Paul! Can you believe that?" I don't bother replying. "I'm too young to imprint," he breathes out, like he's confessing some dirty sin which I suppose in his mind, he is.

"I imprinted when I was seventeen," I point out. I've had this same stupid conversation with him before and yet here we are.

"I'm supposed to be a doctor, go back to La Push and make something of myself. I'm the first one in my family to go to college. Uncle Quil, he just did art school. But I'm supposed to do better."

"Why the fuck is all that not possible now?"

"I imprinted, Paul!"

"Yeah, I heard you the first time. I still don't get what the damn problem is."

"Imprinting gets in the way of everything!" he almost wails and I snap at him to keep it down. "My mom told me that Uncle Quil was destined for greater things and then he imprinted on Claire. Look what happened to him."

I personally think his mom is full of shit. "What happened to him? He's just gotten married to the girl he loves, co-owns a business, owns a rather nice house." I don't think it would be tasteful to tell him to compare his own dad to the imprinted Quil.

"He was supposed to do better."

"Says who?" I'm sure it's his mom. "I was there when he imprinted. We were sixteen. Both of us were not exactly doing so good at school, kid. Imprinting made us do better, clean up our shit."

"But he could have been a part of Shipo. It was Jake, Embry and Uncle Quil who were best friends," he politely left the '_you're not the best friend, being Jake's brother-in-law gave you Quil's rightful place_' part and I decide to ignore it. Not the first time I've faced this shit. Everyone forgets that I'm the one with the business acumen, and Jake and Embry only have the engineering sense. Nothing came free. I mortgaged the first house Rachel and I have bought, had struggled and cut corners to buy, just to came up with my twenty percent share of the capital. Rebecca had taunted me many times that if Jake hadn't extended his charity, I'd have been nothing, and here's Luka. The mind link when phased gives me access to some of the younger kids darker thoughts, I always ignore it because I know, had it been just Jake and Embry, they would still be selling custom bikes nationally. If Shipo is an International brand name now and carrying a wider range of products than just bikes, it's all my doing. Fuck it all, I busted my ass off to get Shipo where it is and I'd like anyone to try to tell me different.

"I hate to break this to you, kid, but Quil would never have been a part of Shipo, Claire or no Claire." Do you honestly think an airbrush artist has what it takes to do what I do? "Your mom never made it a secret how deviant she always thought Jake and Embry were. They were best buds, yup but your uncle would never have put his money up for them." _Because I personally think your uncle hides behind his big sister a little too much. She'd poisoned Quil's mind early on, just like she's poisoned you, you stupid dipshit. _

He takes a moment to absorb what I just said. "Paul, I...I didn't want to imprint."

"And I didn't want to be wolf. Yet I did what was expected of me. My reward was my imprint and now a family of my own. Why can't you look at it that way?"

"You're stopping, Paul. Because you imprinted."

"What? A twenty-year tour not fucking long enough for you? How long were you planning to do this shit?" I could feel my hackles raise and I struggle for control. So much for being sated and mellow just before I opened the damn door to this stupid idiot.

"I don't know. I'm supposed to become a doctor, go back to La Push and make my family proud."

"Your mom teach you this?" I ask and watch him blink a couple of times. "I'll tell you what the fuck you're supposed to be. You're supposed to be a good person, you're supposed to be a fucking protector. Your job is to keep people safe. In return you earn the right to be happy. That's what you get when you fucking imprint because in lay man's terms, imprinting is finding your soulmate. Your perfect other half. Doesn't matter if you or the people around you realize her purpose or not, but your soulmate is the one person that you fucking need in your life. Your soulmate helps you make sense of your otherwise shitty life. Imprinting is a reward kid, a blessing. I started living the day I met Rachel. Trust me when I tell you that Claire makes your uncle happy. That's what your mother should be wishing for you." A little drastic condemning his mom like that, but fuck have I ever disliked that woman and fuck if he didn't need to know the truth.

Luka looks angry but he holds his tongue. Seriously, being wolf has given him this chance at a good education and it's also given him this chance to imprint. Not his stupid mother. I wish he'd think about it. Quil couldn't go beyond art school because that was all he could afford. Luka has an opportunity because of Jake, and his mother was trying to make it something of herself.

I watch as Rachel waltzes into the kitchen, tossing one of my t-shirts to Luka. "Put it on," she orders before she puts the kettle on. He scrambles to obey. "I heard you talking," she says and I know my woman, she's getting ready to bite Luka's head off. "You have a problem with Claire?"

"Rachel," he gasps, looking unsure.

"She's the one who always made you welcome, included you in her group of friends, right? You like her." We both watch a shame faced Luka nod. "So what is wrong with her as Quil's imprint?"

"She gets a free ride now. Uncle Quil has worked so hard to establish himself and...and."

"And you're looking at her like she's a free loader?" Rachel is brutally straight forward and all of a sudden I worry if I should let her rip Luka a new one. I'll give the kid credit though, he knows when to keep his mouth shut. "Tell me, Luka," she asks sweetly, "Have you ever wondered how much Claire makes in her little pet grooming business?"

He shakes his head no. "It's more of a hobby, Rachel."

"A hobby? Hhmm." Both Luka and I watch as Rachel pops a teabag in a mug and top it with boiling water. "Do you know how many people in Forks have pets? Plenty. And do you know how many pet grooming businesses there are in Forks? Very few. Do the math," she urges sweetly as she sits down next to me. "Just for conversations sake, lets say she has five customers a day and charges each fifty bucks. Twenty days a month, giving her the weekends off. Maybe two thousand on overheads and supplies. I'd say she should easily rake in close to three grand a month. And on the side, she sells pet food, accessories. How much does your Uncle Quil give your mom to clean his house, sweetie?" I'm fucking proud of my woman. She's implied that Luka's mom is a free loader and she's not even phrased it that way.

I almost feel bad for Luka when he flushes bright red. Everyone knows that Quil's been supporting Luka's family for a long, long time. It's no secret on the Rez that Leonard Fournier has always had a bad drinking habit and was a deadbeat dad and husband. Claire knew this and is obviously okay with it if she was willing to marry Quil anyway. Proves once again why each imprint is perfect for the wolf she belongs to. If it wasn't for Jake's trust fund, and Nessie pushing the younger kids to study and tutoring them herself, there would have been no med school for Luka.

"You're a man, Luka. Maybe its time you make your own decisions and have your own opinions, huh?" He nods but he keeps his head down and I curse inside. He's humoring me. I wasn't exactly thrilled when I imprinted but that lasted what 5, 10 minutes tops.

"So? What's her name?" He shrugs. "You don't know?" I ask incredelous. He shakes his head no. "Didn't you go up and say hi?"

"No," he says in a small voice. She was in the library when I walked in and she looked up and me and it – it happened," he says like he was confessing to something dirty.

"What did you do?" Rachel asks.

"I got the hell out of there. I've been running ever since. This is bad, you guys." Back to square one. This is the thing with Luka, we'll dance around the same issue over and over again and come back to the same starting point with nothing resolved.

"And all this time of running around, did you find out anything about her? Sniff her out? Where does she live?"

He shakes his head no. That really surprised me. Okay, so when I imprinted, I knew Rachel was safe in Billy's house, smack dab in the middle of the Rez. I was with Jared when he made me go stakeout Kim's house back when he first imprinted. Seth, I knew made it a point to mark the entire perimeter around Abby's house. And here is this fucking idiot who runs away. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I snap. Every other wolf who had imprinted, had his imprint's details within the hour.

"I told you, Paul. I can't imprint."

"Well, fuck it, kid. Like it or not, you have. She's your fucking responsibility now. Deny your happiness all you want, but hers is tied to yours now. You owe it to her."

"What is she like, Luka?" Rachel asks as she glares at me. I know its my cue to shut up.

He shrugs. "She's tall, Rachel. Really tall. Like really, really tall. And she's beautiful."

"Is she taller than you?" Rachel asks sweetly.

"No," he shakes his head with a smile. "She probably reaches me around here," he says, placing his hand against his eye brows.

"Perfect for you, huh?" Rachel smiles, making Luka look confused.

"There's no fighing it, asshole. You know that as well as I do. You've been in my head. Hell, you've been in Embry's head, in AJ's head," I glare at Luka before turning the glare to Rachel. No way in hell am I going to shut the fuck up. "Can't you see your future with her?" I demand. "That's the girl who will be your wife one day. That's the girl who will bear your children. That's the only person in the world who will be your fucking anchor when everything else in your life turns to shit. Trust me, kid, shit always happens. I've been there."

"My mom—"

"Why're you such a mommy's boy, shit head? You're not like in diapers!" He was seriously pissing me off. I've talked to him about this over and over again. And here he is, taking on my sleeping time. And I have a flight to catch in a few hours. I'm gonna be apart from my wife for three fucking days. A part of me feels like telling him to listen to his mom, then he can go back to La Push like he wants and move back in with her. They can make each other miserable while I get some much needed quality time with my woman.

"My mom could have been someone, Paul. But she fell in love and look where it got her. My mom wants what's best for me. She doesn't want anything to get in the way of me becoming a doctor. That's why I don't date!"

"Yeah, and she's drilled this into your head the whole time, hasn't she?"

"Luka, honey. I went to school with your mom." When Luka gasped, Rachel rolls her eyes. "Yes, I'm as old as your mom," she says exasperated, then she looks uncomfortable. "Luka, I don't want to be rude, honey. But she got pregnant with you. That got in her way. But she...she was not on the path to earn a scholarship otherwise." That was Rachel putting it delicately.

"Wrap your shit up until you're married and ready to be a dad, and everything should be fine," I offer, ignoring Rachel's glare.

"Why are you being so mean?" he has the nerve to ask me.

"Because you're acting like you're the only one who has a mom who cares! My mom cares about me too. The only thing she ever wanted was for me to be happy. We've had this conversation over and over again. And yet you come back and say the same shit. What do you want from me?" Gosh he really frustrates me. Why do I have to put up with idiots? I'm retiring for fuck's sake!

"Paul!" Rachel chides me.

"No, Rach. I swear, imprinting is the best thing that's ever happened to me and this shithead keeps coming back because he's hung up on his mother!"

"I'm not hung up on my mother!"

"How many examples have you had on imprinting? How many? And you keep going back to what your mom said? So why the hell are you in my house? Go cry to mommy, idiot!"

"Winters!"

"What?"

"He's confused, and you're loosing it," and then she's stroking my arm and I feel the trembling go down. She always does this, gives me the grounding I need to regain control. "Baby, why don't you go on up to bed? Let me talk to Luka, huh?"

It helps, what Rachel does for me, really helps but right now Luka was pissing me off and all of a sudden, I just can't stand him. "Go talk to Embry. He spent two years denying his imprint. Go talk to Embry and get out of my house."

_A/N : Paul is so totally pro-imprint in my head. Did you like this chapter? What didn't you like? Lemme know.._


	10. Chapter 10 : Houston, We Have a Purple

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

FYI first! Today's color is an OPI nail color.. haha.. had to share that. I hope you guys like this chapter. My insecurities are like way up there once again.

Jen (**Liljenrocks**) is posting the next chapter of '**Love You Madly'** the same time this chapter is released.. Go check it out. Embry and Petra make an appearance. Do I see some beaming smiles?

And **Jessica1018** is trying her hand at writing. She's did it to feed my Fifty Shades habit and she's started a Mia/ Ethan story called '**My Grey Reality**'. Do check it out. I like it so far. Thanks Jess. This chapter is for you!

**Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 10: Houston, We Have a Purple **

_**Paul**_

I've been pacing for hours. Or what feels like hours, right here, in front of the bay windows in my home office. Ever since dinner, I've been feeling like there's something there in the air. I couldn't put my finger on it until the alert howls started. But it wasn't just one alert signal. It was multiple, from different areas. Was Embry handling this okay? I worried. Worried like hell.

I have the phone to my ear before the first buzz is even over. "What's going on?"

"Jeremiah's been out hunting," Embry chuckles. "Let us have all the newborns he's found for practice."

"You call that practice? Damn it, Embry! They're waking people up. You're gonna bring animal control in on our heads before morning!"

"I'll get them to zip it up," he says but I can hear the grin in his voice. Whatever they're doing out there, he was enjoying it. "You got to stay put, Paul. This is your test. Don't let whatever you hear break you."

"Yeah, yeah," I snap. "I know the drill." A part of me wants, really wants to get out there and join in the fun. There's something about being wolf and running through the night as the breeze runs through your fur the way a lover's fingers would, adrenaline pumping as you face off with a leech, the rush you get when you rip one apart. It's not the first time that Jeremiah's handed over the newborns he's found to us. Keeping the vampire community in Seattle low was important to him. He ruled his 'clan', and their safety remained in the low profiles they kept, in a way, just like we did. But we procreated, and we wanted and loved our newborns, our offsprings. But these vampires don't have offsprings and this clan didn't want their newborns. My thoughts go to the newborn that Rachel fought for, the one Emmett was raising and I shuddered. Thankful that Jeremiah hadn't gotten to that baby first, hadn't given it to us to kill. None of us would have survived that. "Hey, Embry? Don't let them get hurt, okay? Some of them are fucking idiots."

"I know," he says dryly. "I gotta go, man. Everything's cool, okay? You hang in there."

I don't go up to bed, choosing instead to remain there by the windows, hoping to hear something new. The howls die down almost as soon as Embry hangs up but the fight's not over yet. I can feel it. It's been almost two hours and the wolf inside me is straining against my hold. It still wants to come out. And I'm still fighting it. It's been eight days. A record for me. I want to push it to ten days before I cut myself some slack. I have to. Rachel wanted to bring the kids in to me to say good night, but I didn't want them to see me this way. I feel out of control, wild. They shouldn't see me like this. Suddenly that thing in the air, that intensity that my wolf is able to sense, spikes. Something is happening!

"Paul?"

I turn. It's Rachel, her eyes huge as she takes me in. I must look a sight. The wolf is out, I can feel it, although a quick glance at my hands tells me that they are just that. Hands. Not paws. I shake my head frantically at her. I know how I get when I'm like this. I don't want to chew her out. I've been doing that a lot and it's not fair to her. It's not fair that she has to deal with this crazy side of me.

The phone buzzes once more. "What?" I snap into it.

"Okay, don't panic. A couple of vamps are headed in your direction. I've got some of the guys after them. Let them handle it, okay? Whatever you hear, stay out of it."

I want to kick his teeth in. "Embry! Fuck! Who's on it?"

"Your pack," he says in a flat voice, meaning it must be the idiots of the pack. "Stay out of it. You're doing good with the control. Things are just gonna get a little bit louder for you," I can tell that he's running as he's saying all this. "Let them handle it."

"Fuck Embry, my family—"

Does he think my control is made of iron? My family is here for crying out loud. And he's as much as told me that a couple of newborn vamps are headed in my direction.

"I gotta phase, man. Later, okay?" The line goes dead and I breathe in and out, fighting myself, fighting the urge to phase and stand guard outside.

No one's coming in here. This is sanctuary for my wife and children. This is home. But I have to put my faith in the pack. This is what this is all about. Me letting go. Me, giving the pack a chance to prove themselves.

"Do you need to go? Don't fight it if it gets too hard. Go, Winters. Let it out."

"No!" I growl, it's almost hard to form the words. "No."

She comes to me slowly, like I'm a cornered animal that she doesn't want to spook, one hand out, like showing me she means no harm, one step at a time. What am I supposed to do? Sniff her hand and lick it? Fuck, I do feel like a cornered animal and right this fucking minute, I'm scared that I might loose it and hurt her. I move backwards, around the couch, away from her, away from her touch. But she keeps coming. And then I hear it, a snarl. I look frantically at Rachel, but she's calm. It occurs to me then that she's not heard it, it's my wolf hearing that's picking up the sounds.

"Stop!" The word tears out of my throat as I feel the trembling start. That heavy cloud hanging on my wolf sense is almost choking me and I feel the need, the urge to phase, to run out there, to kill something. _Don't come any closer, Rachel. I don't know what I might do._ But she doesn't listen. When has she ever listened?

"Shh, it's okay, baby. It's okay. Let me touch you, Paul. Please? I just want to hold you, baby." She keeps coming towards me.

Was that a yelp I heard? Did one of them get hurt? How bad? Shit! What the fuck are they doing out there? I feel the heat on my spine and sweat beading on my forehead, my upper lip. I'm too close. I'm going to fail this. Fuck, of all rooms to be in, I'm where there's no door leading outside. I slide towards the windows. I'll crash out if I have to. There's no getting around Rachel. This is hell, expecting me to hold it in when I can hear everything that is going on out there.

"Don't. Touch. Me!" I manage to get this out. It's like fighting someone inside me for control of my body. Who's stronger? We've always been the same person and suddenly I'm splitting them into two. Is this the kind of thoughts that precedes insanity? Some sort of a bipolar syndrome that I've suddenly developed?

I turn away from Rachel, giving her my back. I'm going out the window. I know I am. And suddenly she's wrapped around my back. I feel her against the heat racing up my spine. I can hear my own harsh breathing as I fight this urge, the need, myself. I feel her arms come around me, one hand flat against my chest, against my heart and the other hand strokes down and rests against my stomach. She's everywhere, her lips against my neck, her breath against my ear. "Shhh," she whispers. "Keep breathing, Paul."

I bring my hands up to my face. They're still hands although I'm really shaking. "Rachel," I manage to mumble. "This is dangerous. Let go."

"No! I'm not letting you go through this alone. Either you go out there and phase, or I'm holding on to you."

"I might hurt you!" I can hear my voice crack.

"You'll never hurt me. I can help with this. I know I can." Now she's the crazy one. We're such a pair. And being in her arms like this does help. I don't know how she does it, but the trembling goes down a little. I let out a little moan as I sink down to the floor. She comes with me, still holding me, never letting me go, softly crooning in my ear the way she does for Logan when he gets fussy.

"Daddy?" Rachel and I both turn. _Oh God. What timing._

"Keegan, go back to bed, sweetie," Rachel tells him.

But he doesn't move. He just stares at me and I can't look away either. It's a weird moment for me to think once again how he looks just like me although he's half Rachel. It's like looking at myself thirty odd years ago but my son's eyes don't reflect any of the innocence that I'm sure mine did when I was his age. He's all wolf, he's been wolf from the start. I'm going to disappoint him.

"Daddy! There's something going on! Why aren't you going out to fight?" I hear the urgency in his voice and it tells me to phase, to go out there and be wolf, be the superhero he's always viewed me as, and the trembling automatically starts up once more. _Is he feeling this thing in the air too? No, no. He's just a little boy. _

"Daddy's not going for this fight, baby. Go back to bed," Rachel tells him and I let her handle this. I don't know what to tell him as I turn away from him.

"Mommy! Let Daddy go! You need to go fight, Daddy!"

"Keegan! Go to bed," Rachel snaps in her mommy voice.

He always responds to this voice when Rachel uses, hell I do too, it but not this night. He darts to us and yanks on my arm. "Go phase, Daddy! They need you! Be wolf!"

I slowly slide away from Rachel, from Keegan. My son wants me to phase, it makes me want to phase even more. Rachel takes charge, lifting Keegan into her arms. My hands are beginning to blur and I know I'm loosing control. Rachel knows it too, and she's protecting Keegan first. _Good._

"Winters? You need to get outside."

I nod as I get on my feet. It feels strange standing on two legs and I stumble out the doors as the heat at my spine blazes. I need to be in control. I need to be able to do this.

"What's wrong? Why isn't Daddy phasing?" Keegan sounds upset.

"Daddy's not going out tonight, sweetie. The guys can handle it themselves."

"No! Daddy is wolf, Mommy! He needs to protect the people!"

"Tonight Daddy is just Daddy. He's not wolf, he's not a protector. He's just Daddy. You have to accept that, Keegan. Now come on. Let's get you back to bed."

"No! Daddy is a wolf! Daddy! You're wolf! You're wolf, Daddy," I hear Keegan yell as Rachel carts him away. It's a good thing Phyllis has the holidays off. "You have to go be wolf, Daddy!"

I loose it, just as I reach the edge of the woods past my backyard. I shake myself as the little bits of my shirt caught on to my fur falls away. I stay still and listen. The fight is going on somewhere deep in the forest and I see it in my mind through the link, but louder than that, I hear my older son's righteous screams as he tries to convince his mother that I'm wolf. He's managed to get Logan up too and I feel bad that Rachel is handling all this alone. I can't phase back try as I might, so I stay put listening and try to calm myself.

Jake chuckles in my head. _I've always wondered how she puts up with you. And to think she actually puts up with three of you. _

_Fuck you. _

Embry joins in. _You okay, man?_

_What do you think? _

_Come on. Eight days is pretty long. Don't beat yourself up, dude. _

I hate that Jake is always cheerful. _Really, really fuck you, Jake. Embry, what the fuck, man? This is close. _

_It was like letting out a bag of monkeys, dude. The vamps all scattered in every direction. The boys are just cleaning up the last bits. _

_I could hear everything! _

_You were doing so great! How'd you loose it now? _Jake asks and my mind drifts to Keegan's expression, the disappointment in his eyes. _Right._

_You've got to tell them to shut it, Em. I see quite a few lights coming on. They're waking people up. _

We watch the fight from Embry's eyes for a little while longer and then suddenly Jake appears, right next to me. I laugh. I guess he couldn't stay away and ran down all the way from La Push.

It's not until a couple of hours later that Jake and Embry are stretched out in my living room, both of them opting for a beer while I pour myself a brandy. Rachel thankfully gives us the space I need, hopefully she's asleep.

"You're sure you're up to hosting lunch tomorrow? We can cancel you know," Embry asks, looking concerned.

"Meat's already marinating. The guys will take over the barbeque. It's fine," I say. Rachel and I've been doing the 'Fourth of July All Day Barbeque Extravaganza' since we first moved to Seattle. Gives the younger guys somewhere to hang out, and food to eat. And being so close to the water, we get an awesome fireworks display from my front yard.

"I take it you've not had the talk with Keegan," Jake states and I shake my head.

"Been chickening out."

"Paul, look. Retiring is your decision. No one else's. But you've always been open with Keegan. He's not going to understand it if you spring it on him suddenly. You've involved him in too many things already."

"I know, I know," I run a hand through my hair and sigh. "I know." What else can I say? I know. I really do. I don't know how to tell Jake that as much as I want to grow old with Rachel, I also want to remain a hero in my son's eyes.

We all fall silent for a while, until Embry puts a totally different thought in my mind. "So Jeremiah's boys wanted to run with us today."

"What?"

"They asked very nicely if they could join in the fun."

"You said no right?" I snap as Jake leans forward in his seat. They probably want to scope us out. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "Bet it was Schumac."

Embry nods. "Of course I said no. Told him I didn't want my guys losing control and going for them by accident. But that's new, isn't it?" Embry muses as he studies the label on his bottle.

"They may be allies, but I don't trust them, Jake."

"I don't either. I need to talk to you about that, Paul. Retired or not, I'm not ready to let any of the other guys handle Jeremiah or his—coven. I need you to remain as the front man."

I nod. I can do that, in fact I want to do that. Jeremiah, for want of a better phrase is a smooth operator, and unfortunately he is at the moment, one of the good guys. And as per what Jake says, they could possibly be the Volturi of the USA. Important allies. For now.

_**Rachel**_

There are some days in life when dawn breaks into a beautiful day and today is one of them. It starts with me waking in my husband's arms and I take a moment to study him. The way his straight hair falls into his face, the way his eyebrows arch in that sardonic way even in sleep, the way his mouth looks curved in that naturally sensual way. After the torment he suffered through the night before, seeing the peaceful look on his face now, moves me. I want him like this always.

He opens a single eye to catch me staring and I can't help myself as I blush. "Sorry," I mumble.

"So'kay," he mumbles back. "I know I'm good looking."

I laugh softly as I bite into the fleshy part of his inner arm. _Jerk_. The sounds from the baby monitor tells me that I can't linger.

"I've got to talk to Keegan," Paul tells me as I get out of the shower and dry off. I watch him run his razor down his jaw. I know what he wants to talk to Keegan about.

"Today?" Paul nods as he rinses the razor before bringing it up to his face again. "You think that's a good idea? The house is going to be full in a little while. He'll need time to digest the news. Maybe tomorrow, huh?"

"You're right," he says as he drops his razor and grips the edge of the sink. Then he lets out a long sigh. "He's going to hate me, Rachel."

Hours later, my mind remains on Paul's expression this morning. I can't help but worry about Keegan's reaction when he does find out about Paul's retirement. Call it a mother's intuition, but I know it's will be hard for a five-year old to comprehend, especially one so into his 'wolf business'. And pair it with a father like Paul, things are going to be a mess. And what timing too. Paul is still struggling with his wolf.

"How long have you been with Paul again? Ten years? Twenty years? And you still can't tear your eyes away from him when he's shirtless, huh?" Leah asks dryly, causing Ava, Petra and Louise to laugh. I turn away from the group horsing around with the kids in the swimming pool.

"Oh, stop!" I laugh with them. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Uh-huh," Louise snorts. "Is that what it is?"

"Anyway ladies, I have pictures," Leah announces as she proudly pulls out her ultrasound pictures, causing all of us to go "aww" simultaneously.

"I'm so happy for you, Leah. How did your mom take it?" I ask.

"She's thrilled. She's wanted this for me for so long, you'd think she has no grandchildren at all to dote on from the way she was going on."

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? Would help with our gift buying when we throw you a baby shower," Louise asks as she hands the picture back.

"A boy. We're calling him Xander."

"Xander?" Ava asks.

"Uh-huh," Leah laughs. "You know how Alex is, but I was absolutely no-no with junior. So he says, 'he will be Alexander Gilchrist the second'," she mimics Alex in a deep voice. "I agreed if he is Alexander _Yahto_ Gilchrist the second."

"Yahto?" I smile at her. "Wasn't that your dad?"

"Yes," Leah smiles wistfully. "Cullen is already Harry. So I'm picking Yahto before Seth has another baby!"

"I like Xander," Ava says.

"I do too!" Leah grins at Ava as she reaches across to squeeze Ava's hand. "_Aunt Ava_!" They both giggled. "Alex's mom absolutely hates it!"

"Alex probably heard you," I state.

"He's cool," Leah laughs and she makes me feel happy. This is how life should be. Simple. No complications. And this is how she should always be, smiling and content. I turn to watch Alex in a serious discussion with Joey. He's good for her, imprint or not.

Ava soon excuses herself when she notices Petra and Embry's arrival, and a few minutes later, Louise gets up to join Leon by the pool. It's a relief seeing him perfectly healed once more. I have no doubt that he was out running last night.

"Did you talk to Emily?"

Leah nods. "She cried, I cried. It's silly, but even after all these years, she's still been feeling guilty. This baby is not just a blessing for me. I guess my little Xander news is a healing for Emily and Sam too." She laughs a little as she brushes away the single tear that falls from her eye, and I reach out to squeeze her hand. It's nice having her not bitter. It's nice seeing her happy like this.

Lil' G's arrival breaks the melancholic mood. He swaggers in looking all important and I see a change in him since Paul and Embry have been pushing him further in their wolf world. I'm not sure if I like it but I'll admit, it is nice seeing him like this, confident, a little cocky. His cheerful demeanor is catching.

"I have news, people!" he announces and everyone falls silent, turning to him. "I've imprinted!"

Oh crap! My neighbors are here and some of the guys have brought non-pack dates. Imprint is not one of the words you want to use in this gathering.

"He did what?" Martin from the house across the road asks and I notice Tokala smacking the back of Lil' G's head.

"Er—I, er, I um interrupted a girl."

"You interrupted a girl?" Embry laughs. "Was she happy to be interrupted?"

"I sure as hell hope so!" Lil' G breathes, a huge grin spreading across his face. "I certainly am."

"Wait, he interrupted a girl?" Martin questions further.

"Yeah!" Lil' G squeaks. "She, um, was talking to someone and I went up to her, interrupted her and said hi."

"Lil' G has been having problems saying hi to the opposite sex," Paul explains to Martin. "We've been pushing him to overcome his shyness."

I laugh as some of the guys snicker and Lil' G catches my eyes and mouths 'sorry.' I wave him over to Leah and me, and he comes over.

"Rachel, I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell everyone. I didn't look around first." He turns a chair around and straddles it.

But I can't help smiling at him. He's happy, I can see it in his face. As much as he used to join Luka's propaganda about the evils of imprinting, and as much as I know about the crush he's had on Nessie all this while, Lil' G is actually happy. I reach over and squeeze his hand. "You're happy!"

"Oh Rachel!" he says softly. "There are so many reasons why I shouldn't imprint. My mom. You know she works two jobs. I want to buy her a house, help with my sisters, I don't want her to work so hard. I know I'm going to be so distracted now."

"You can still do all that and be with this girl, you know?" I say. "Why didn't you bring her? I would have liked to meet her."

"Jessica. Her name is Jessica. She gave me her number," he smiles like an idiot and it warms my heart. "She already had plans with her family."

"Jessica? I kind of expected you to end up with some rapper, hip-hop momma," Leah says.

"No," Lil' G looks dreamy. "She's nothing like that. She's beautiful, you guys. She's perfect. I think she's rich," his face falls a little as he says that. "She said 'Hello' when I said hi. _Hello_. She said it like that. _Hello_. I really like her, Rachel."

Paul comes up behind me and presses a kiss to the top of my head. "Nice going, dumbass," he tells Lil' G as he pulls up a chair next to him.

Lil' G flushes. "I'm sorry, Paul. I just wanted to share the news so badly."

"I hope you're taking this better than Luka did."

"I am, I am. I got her number. Her name is Jessica. She's studying to be a writer," the enthusiasm in his voice is great until his expression drops again. "I know how you guys are about imprinting. You say it's a sure thing that she's my other half. But Paul, I don't think we're the right match. I think she comes from money. She seems…classy."

Paul stares at Lil' G for a moment. "You were embarrassed introducing yourself with that stupid name, weren't you?" he guesses correctly, and Lil' G blushes. "You're not getting married tomorrow, kid. You have time to re-invent yourself."

"Not all girls go for a guy with a bank account. You could charm her into falling in love with you," Leah adds and I stare at her, trying to determine if she's really okay with the imprinting news or if she is being sarcastic.

Lil' G's expression remains bashful until Paul clears his throat. "Jake let you go into this music thing like you wanted," he holds his hands up when Lil' G turns to him, looking defensive. "It's your passion, I know, I'm not stopping you. But the sensible thing to do now, would be to add on something to your education. Add on, I didn't say change. Business studies, maybe. You can do something else in the music industry. I'll be honest with you G, you don't sing so good. And you have a house to buy your mom, a house to buy for your future wife and kids, your sisters to take care of."

"You really don't think I could be a rapper? Rappers make millions."

"I see you doing something in music. But singing is not it, and I don't want to see you end up working in a music store, because your rapper dreams didn't materialize. You say this girl might be rich? You're going to have to impress her parents some day. I'm not telling you to do something impossible. A chance for a good education is open for you, kid. Don't waste it."

"Wow, listen to you. Are you the same Paul Winters I knew from when we were young? Can't believe I just heard you sprout all that. Is that why you went to college?" Leah asks with a teasing grin.

"Oh yeah. I had an imprint I wanted to impress."

I just grin when he says that. He's impressing me now with how smoothly he's gotten Lil' G to rethink his education plan. I've never really approved of Lil' G's choices but I'm beyond impressed with how the master manipulator was using the heat of the moment to brainwash this impressionable kid. But even then, a part of me wishes I could get Lil' G alone because I really, really want to hear the whole story from him. I'm so curious right now. _How did he notice her first? How did he approach her? How does she look like?_

"Oh, so all this money and the big cars were not the reason, huh?" Leah drawls.

"Hmm…I always knew I'd be driving a big car," Paul smirks. "Only this way, it's not a stolen car." Then he reaches across and picks up the ultra-sound pictures that are on the table. "This junior?"

Leah's grin almost threatens to split her face. "Yes!"

"Who's junior?" Lil' G asks.

"My baby," Leah says as she places her hands on her barely there tummy. "And's he's not junior, he's Xander."

"Oh yeah?" Lil' G asks as he leans closer to Paul to look at the picture. "Is he blonde?"

It was another successful party and I'm happy and satisfied. It was a great day spent with good friends, and now almost everyone has gone home except for a handful of wolves. I get Keegan and Logan bathed and ready for bed, and I carry Logan downstairs to say good night to Paul before I tuck him in. Keegan runs ahead of us. I suppose on hindsight, I should have called for Paul to come upstairs instead of bringing the boys down, I should have known that the conversation with the guys would be pack related. But I never imagined the kind of fireworks that can ignite - that _does_ ignite.

"Keegan, wait," I call out when I hear the raised voices. But he doesn't wait, I try to reach for his hand but he's too fast. "Keegan, come back," I call as I hurry behind him. I hope the guys don't start cursing. It was really hard distracting Keegan when he wanted to know what fuck was. Paul still doesn't have full control of his filter.

"Don't forget that it's because of his imprint, that Paul is leaving the pack. He doesn't want to be a wolf anymore!" That's an argument I'm sure, between Luka and Lil' G. And if I can hear it, I'm sure Keegan could too.

"Daddy?" there's horror in his voice, and that tone all little boys have when they want their father's to put something right.

I can't see Keegan's expression, but I see Paul's. He's staring at Keegan in shock. "Hey Kee-man," he tries. He really tries and I can see him make the effort to try to look nonchalant. "Came to say goodnight?"

"Daddy, you're wolf, right? We're all wolf, right?" I can see that Paul doesn't know how to answer him, this is something we should be easing him into. Not throw it at him like a slap in the face. I don't know how to help both of them and I almost want to hate Luka. I suppose Paul's continuous silence answers the question for Keegan. "You don't want to be a wolf anymore?" he demands in tears. Then he turns and runs upstairs. I'm torn for a moment. I have a baby in my arms, I have a husband who's heart just shattered, I saw it shatter in front of me, and a little boy sobbing his eyes out upstairs. I choose Keegan as I turn and hurry upstairs.

"Baby?" I murmur as I pull the covers down from his face. "Keegan, baby, don't cry. Please." And Logan coos with me, staring at his older brother in distress.

"Daddy doesn't want to be a wolf anymore, Mommy," Keegan is almost inconsolable and I climb into bed with him and hold Logan on one side and Keegan on my other side. For once Logan stays still.

"Daddy will always be wolf, Keegan. He's just not going to phase anymore, so he can grow old like a normal person."

"No!" he sobs.

"Keegan," Paul appears by the bed. "I should have talked to you about this earlier. I'm sorry, Kee-man. You shouldn't have found out like this."

"Are you really stopping, Daddy?" there's hope in his voice.

I wonder if Paul would give him the truth, seeing how upset he is, Keegan is. "Yes, I am. I've been wolf for too long and it's time to stop." But then Paul would never think of lying to his sons. I love that about him even as I contemplate the sensibilities of that.

Keegan gasps and I pull him to me. The pain he's going through with this news is heartbreaking. "Not everyone is born special," he states brokenly. "Grandpa Billy said, only some of us have the magic because we are chosen to be the protectors. You can't stop, Daddy!"

"I _am_ stopping, Kee. I choose to be with my family now." Keegan stares at Paul still teary eyed and I can almost see his mind working, the wheels spinning. Then he seems to come up with some sort of a decision before he turns and buries his face in my neck. Paul reaches out and gently touches Keegan's shoulder, and Logan and I watch silently. "Kee? Buddy?"

"I hate you!" I hear the muffled voice of my son and I watch as Paul's face crumbles. _Oh no._

_A/N : I'd really like to know your thoughts and feelings for this chapter._


	11. Chapter 11 : Atomic Orange

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

This is another OPI color! And.. this chapter is kinda cut into 2 parts. This is Paul's part. Next chapter will be Rachel's.

Short AN this time. Was sick for the past 3 days and just came back to work today. Work has piled up.

**Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 11 : Atomic Orange**

_**Paul**_

Tuesday at 10 a.m. is always Sales Meeting Day. It's the day my Seattle sales team sits down together and the managers from all the other showroom branches of Shipo conference call in to talk about sales for the week. There's always a market trend to observe. Leather jacket sales always drop during the summer but the light weight jackets sales always shoot up at these times. It is my belief that market trends should always be studied, enabling us to make the necessary preparations or preventions in some cases to always remain on top of the game. I work with data, it's the true secret of my success. It's a dirty job, but I'm the man to do it, especially since both Jacob and Embry my fellow business partners do not have the patience to sit through these meetings. Jason, my head analyst and fellow Six Sigma Black Belter leans forward to question one of the sales managers and I let my mind wander as I stare unseeingly at the numbers on the projected slide.

It'll be a week tomorrow since the stupid barbeque and since Keegan last looked me in the eye. I hate this. He's my boy, my mini me, and the disdain he feels for me is hard to handle. I've tried everything, tried reasoning with him, tried bribing him, tried yelling at him. The past two nights I've also phased and made sure he knows about it, but I suppose the damage is already done. I think the last time I've felt this low was back when I was a new wolf and my parents thought I was mixed up with drugs or gang activities. How simple that problem looks now, on reflection. How painful my heart feels. Did my dad feel this way when I used to walk out on him mid lecture? Was this karma raising up to bite me in the ass? How do I explain my decision to a 5-year old? How do I make him talk to me again? I want to hear him call me Daddy again as he asks me question after question. How easy it always has been for me to answer all those questions and how stupid I've been to hold this from him and letting him find out the way he did.

Where is the spirit that is supposed to be watching over us, guiding us? _Where the fuck have you gone to?_ _You can't just be there to match us to our mates. I need you now. I'm losing my son. Help me! What do I do? _ Is he even there to hear me? They always said the spirits of our ancestors watch over us. Did my father pray the way I am now? _Are you watching? _

There's a knock on the door and Darla my secretary timidly peeks in. I scowl at her. She knows better than to interrupt a meeting.

"Mr. Winter's? I'm sorry. It's your nanny on the phone. She says she needs to talk to you and that it's important."

"Tell her to call my wife," I snap and turn back to the slides.

I try to concentrate but I can't help but grouse over Phyllis's nerve in calling me. She knows better. Plus she's always more comfortable liasing with Rachel over anything and everything and stays out of my way. Why the hell was she calling me? Why wasn't she calling Rachel? Unless Rachel had to be in court and if so, would have to have surrendered her cell. What would be so urgent that she's not able to wait and needs to call me? I'm out of my chair and almost at the door when Darla's back again. It's my boys. Something's up with my boys.

I snatch the phone out of Darla's hands before she's able to get a word out. "What happened?" I snap.

"Mr. Winters, Keegan, his school just called. He's missing."

"What do you mean missing?" I can't really explain the feeling that runs through me when I hear that. It's as if I can feel my heart literally fall to the ground. Keegan. Oh God. My son, my son! _Why aren't you watching over him? You're supposed to be watching over him! You're my son's ancestor too!_

"Mr. Winters?" I hear Phyllis on the phone, she sounds frantic.

"Where are you? Where's Logan?" I rasp back at her. I remember when we found Griffin, he had been sedated, but we didn't know at that time and I had looked at his little body and Keegan's face had been on my mind. I don't know how Jake survived it, but I don't think I'll be able to go on living if anything happens to my kids.

"We're at home, sir—"

"Do not step out of the house, no matter what," I tell her and turn to Darla. "Find Embry Call and Leon Cowley. I want them in my office in 2 minutes," I snap at her and hurry to my room.

"Mr. Winters, Mr. Winters? Do I call the police? What should I do?" Oh, I'm still holding the phone.

"Which phone are you calling me from?"

"The one in the kichen," she sounds confused.

"Okay, Phyllis listen to me. Stay off the phone. If there's a ransom call, it might come to Rachel or me, or to the house. But keep your cell with you and please, please hold onto Logan."

"Of course, sir! I—"

"If you get a call, I need you to call me immediately. I'm gonna get my cousin to get over there, and maybe some of the other guys, my friends. Don't call the cops yet. Phyliss—Logan."

"I won't let him out of my arms, sir. I promise."

"Thank you." I'm about to hang up when she goes on.

"Please find him, sir," she's crying.

"I will."

"Paul? Is everything okay?"

It's Jason, he must have followed me out. "My kid's missing," I tell him. "I'm not coming back in Jason. Handle things for me."

He looks shocked. "Is there anything I can do?" he offers.

"Just handle things in here. If you can't handle the meeting, cancel it," he's not pack. He can't help me. I slam my door on him and I dial Jake.

"Lo'."

Griffin's kidnapping remains fresh on my mind, like it happened now, like I'm right now standing by that stupid bed and looking at what I thought was my nephew's dead body. "Where's your sister?" I yell. "Where's your psychotic bitch of a sister?" Was she out? I've always been adamant of not wanting to know anything about Rebecca. Has Rachel kept the news of her release from me? It's too soon, right?

"Eerr, you and Rachel have a fight?"

I feel my heart pounding and my breathing getting hitched. Why didn't the school call me? Did they have something to do with this? How could anyone walk into the school and grab him? My kid doesn't go to public school where security is a fable, this was one of the reasons we sent him to private school. It was supposed to be safer. My mind is everywhere. "Rebecca! I'm talking about Rebecca." People know that he's my kid, and I appeared on last month's Forbes. Fuck! Money, this could be all about money! Why haven't they called me?

"Is it one of the boys? Keegan?" I guess that's why he's Alpha. He's clued in immediately.

"Keegan's missing." What was it they say on TV? The first 48 hours are crucial in finding a kidnapped victim? Cops or wolves? What do I do?

"Paul, are you alone?"

"Yes." My mind is running like a playback machine. Every time Rachel had a child on her table she would come home hurting. I've always listened to her talk and cry, with a part of me detached. I guess it's easy when it's other people's children but when it's your own child, it's a whole other level of pain and turmoil. I've never stopped to think of that aspect of Rachel's cases, that there's a father and mother missing their child somewhere. Oh my God! My son! My son, he's a person. A little boy with his own thoughts and opinions. He's a person of his own. _Don't let anything happen to him. Please, please! _He's going to be the most awesome wolf! That's all he wants.

"Are you going to phase?"

I look at my hand. "No." I'm shaking but this is a different kind of shaking, one that comes with a cold sweat. I've never felt this before.

"Stay where you are. Get Embry on this and get one of the other guys to round up Rachel and Logan. I'm on my way."

I'm still by the door holding my phone when Embry appears. "I heard," he says as he looks me over. "You gonna phase?"

Why does everyone keep asking me that?! I shake my head. Surprisingly, in the face of what I've just heard, through all the turmoil in my head, I've got complete control on my wolf. _Now? I get control now?_

"Darla just told me," Leon jogs in. "What do we do?"

Embry takes charge. "Paul, where's Rachel?"

I shake my head. "I've not tried calling her yet."

Embry nods. "Leon, track down Rachel, get her home. Get a couple of guys to get to Paul's place—"

"Tokala. Get him to my place. I want Tokala with Logan."

Embry nods. "Get Tokala to watch over the nanny and Logan. Paul and I will get to the school and decide on the next step from there."

That's a good plan. I'm all for it. Embry is extremely cool headed and I remember this is how he was when it was Griffin who was missing. Other people's kids. I'm always cool when it had been other people's kids, I suppose this is what it is to him. And suddenly I'm thankful that he's here. The first 48 hours are crucial and Embry is cool headed. Then I remember _her_. "Leon, Rebecca Black. She was incarcerated in Gig Harbor. Can you find out if she's out early?" "He looks surprised. "And Rachel had court this morning." He understands but I still wait for his nod before I'm out the door behind Embry. I'm glad he's here. I'm fucking glad he's here and he's cool right now. My mind is all over the place.

"Should we call the cops?" Leon asks.

"We'll decide once Jake gets here and we get a feel of the school."

I nod erratically as I walk with Embry towards the elevators. First 48 hours are crucial. Stastics. Am I making a mistake? Should I call the cops? I don't know what to do and these thoughts keep on repeating themselves over and over and over. The elevator doors are sliding closed when my phone rings. Caller ID shows it's Schumac, the overfriendly neighborhood vampire. Fuck. We're allies and we help each other out now and then, but seriously, now is so not the time for me to exchange pleasantries with a blood sucker. I reject the call and dial Rachel. Her phone goes straight to voicemail. What if the kidnappers call her and her phone goes to voicemail?

"Rachel, baby. Leon's coming to get you, go with him, please. Keegan is missing and I'm gonna get him back. Please, I need you to listen to Leon. I'll get him back. I promise. And baby, your phone, you may get a call."

I don't want her to panic but I don't know how else to break it to her. I should be there to hold her and to be there for her as she breaks down. She's bound to be as scared as I am. We get to Keegan's school in record time and I'm out the door before Embry's even got the car in park. I look down at the caller ID with a snarl. It's the fucker Schumac. I reject the call once more and head indoors. I want Rachel to call, or the kidnappers. They can have anything they want, as long as they give me back my son.

Inside, everyone's in a flurry of activity and I get shown to the principal's office immediately. Ms. DeWitt, she's probably my age, professional and efficient and she's also fucking worried and defensive—for all the wrong reasons in my book. Ms. Peters, Keegan's teacher, tells me realized that Keegan was missing when she was doing a headcount as she was walking the kids back to their classroom after their playtime in the yard. Why wasn't she more careful? Do they know if someone got him? Do they know if anyone unauthorised got into the school? Was anyone employed by the school missing right now? Why haven't they called the police? She's not able to give me a straight answer to any of my questions.

Shumac calls again as DeWitt is telling me that they wanted to talk to Rachel or me first before they called the police. Why? But I know why. They want to keep things quiet. A high profile kidnapping case would be so bad for business, wouldn't it? Well lady, pissing me off would be bad for business, and if my son is hurt in anyway, you can bet your sorry ass that you'll be finding out just what I can do to your fucking business.

"I'll get my own security team on this." No police because I'm gonna personally kill the son of a bitch who took my son. "But I promise you this, if he's hurt in any way, I'm suing." Suing my ass, I'm going to buy her and break her.

I find Embry jogging back to the entrance of the school as I step out. "Anything?" I ask as I reject the call on my phone once more. I want Rachel to call. And this fucker won't stop calling me.

"Yeah. I can track him. I have his scent. Let's go before it rains."

I'm right with him when my phone pings. I glance at it. "That fucker won't stop calling," I grouse to Embry. I open the image file he's sent me and I feel all the blood in my body drain out of me. "No!" The word tears itself out of me and people on the street stop to stare. Oh God! Oh God no!

"What is it?"

I tilt the phone so Embry can see what I'm seeing. Keegan, my son, my first born, sitting at a table, a wide bowl of ice cream in front of him. He looks scared, terrified. He's five years old, he shouldn't be feeling scared like this. It's Schumac. He's had him all this while. Oh fuck! Oh fuck! This is not a ransom case. The vamps have my boy!

"You gonna phase?" he asks and I shake my head. I'm not gonna phase but I am going to kill that bloodsucker.

I think he's still worried that I might phase as we head back to his car. Oh god. I'd die if anything happens to my son. I won't survive this. Embry's on the phone, he's talking to Jake, then he's talking to someone else. "Gather everyone," I hear him. "All family members go to Paul's house. Lil' G, Luka and Scott stand guard. No one get's past them. The rest of you, standby for the venue. Tokala too. I want him here. Hey," his voice drops a little lower, softer. "Petra's lunching with Ava O'Brien. Don't scare her, okay?"

My phone rings again and I shake Embry loose. "Schumac, I swear to you, hurt one hair on him and I'll—"

"Anyone ever tell you how rude you are? I've been calling you."

"Stop talking, you son of a bitch!" I roar into the phone. "Where the fuck is my son?"

"If you would just let me explain—"

"Schumac, I swear to you –" and the next instant Embry snatches the phone out of my hand. I snarl at him but he turns away from me, and puts the phone on speaker.

"Schumac, this is Embry Call. Where have you got the boy? What's your game?"

"Call, there's a restaurant on Third Avenue , Sweet Irons Waffles. Come and get him."

"What's the catch?"

"There's no catch, Call. This is not a kidnapping. Found the kid wandering by himself. Smells of his old man. Looks like him too. He's not in danger. I promise you."

"Right."

"The kid was running away."

I'm fucking glad Embry's here to take charge_. The kid was running away_. That's the thought thats on repeat inside my head. The kid was running away. My kid was running away. Because of me, right? Wait, Schumac is messing with my head. He's lying, right? I find myself talking to the spirits in my head once more as Embry drives. _His name is Keegan Lahote Winters. He is 5 years old. He is my son. His mother is Rachel Black. He is Quileute. He is your descedent. Watch over him. Please watch over him. He is to be wolf. He is my son. Keep him safe. Please, please! _I don't know when I learnt to pray like this, I've never prayed before.

The phone rings, it's finally Rachel. "Baby."

"Oh Paul!" she sounds scared, very scared."Have you found him?"

"I'm going to get him now."

"Where is he? Is he okay?"

"I'll call you once I have him, okay?" I don't want to tell her that Schumac has him. "Rachel, I need you to do something for me. The guys are gathering all the imprints. All of you—they, the guys, they'll be standing guard at our place. Please don't fight them. Listen to what they say."

"Gather the imprints? That never happens unless—oh God, Winters," there's horror in her voice. "Vampires? They have him?" Her voice has gone soft, it's the fear, I know it. "Why would they pick him? Is it retaliation to the pack? Why? Why would they take him? How do they know about him?" Her own intelligence fills in the blanks and now she's panicking.

"Rachel!" I yell. "I don't know, okay! I'm going to get him back. I swear to you, I'll bring him home to you. But I need you to stay put, baby. Please. I need to know that you and Logan are okay."

"Oh Paul!" she's crying now. She's freaking out and a part of me wishes I could do the same. The panic is so close to the surface.

"I can't do this now, Rachel. I need to concentrate on him," I tell her sofly, feeling guilty as hell.

"Go, go get him," she tells me softly. "I'll be at home." Then as I go to hang up, she sobs once more. "Bring him home, Winters. I need both of you back home with me."

"I will, I promise. I love you, baby."

"I love you too. Please be careful."

We get to Third Avenue in record time. Embry parks right in front of the waffle place and the stench hits me. It's just like at that Gallery that handles Nessie's art. It reeks. This is vamp territory. I head straight for the door but Embry stops me when he sees one of our bikes parked down the street. It's a turquiose blue Shipo, custom built. And he knows just who owns each and every custom bike that we've ever churned out. This is Masimo's, Jeremiah's top security leech. It's not his head I want, so I turn to head inside the restaurant.

"Paul, wait! Let's talk to Masimo before we find Schumac."

"I want my kid, Embry! Then I want to kill them all."

"Listen, why would Schumac be calling the shots? He's way down the line. Let me talk to Masimo first," he scans the area and throws his head back, trying to zero in on one particular stink in an area that's almost impossible to breathe in.

_The kid was running away. _That's the thought in my head. I want to wait for Embry, it would be sensible to walk into a vamp den with backup, but it's Keegan who's highest priority and I hear his voice. He's scared, and he's trying to be brave. He's my son.

"I don't want it!" he says.

"Come on. This is the best selling food in this whole place. Taste it and tell Uncle Schumac how it is."

"You're not my uncle!"

"Yeah, if I were your uncle, I'd teach you some manners. You're as rude as your dad."

"My daddy's going to kill you!"

"No, he won't. We're best friends."

I don't to wait for Embry anymore. He makes a phone call to Masimo and he appears like magic. There's tension in the air as they talk and I head into the restaurant leaving them behind. I spot them right away, Schumac and another ginger haired leech have my son in a back booth. The table is ridden with full dishes of deserts. It's like they've ordered the entire menu, and I can't help but feel proud that Keegan has the self control at five not to succumb to sweets the way any other five-year old would have. But then he's also scared. And unlike any other five-year old, my son knows all about vampires.

For a bunch of old vampires, they're both really oblivious. I'm barely in the door and I know that the shadowy corner of the room holds three more vampires. Watching out for business, I guess. The middle aged guy, reading the paper over coffee by the window is human, as is the teenage waitress. I stop by the newspaper guy first.

"We're closing. Get out." He looks up at me for a moment and something must clue him about the potential danger. He drops a couple of dollars on the table and leaves without looking back. I turn to the waitress next with a look of disgust. She's in here with a bunch of vampires and she's scared of _me_? "Out," I tell her as pleasantly as I can. She looks to the back table and one of the vamps nods at her. Grabbing her purse from under the counter, she dashes out.

The three vamps from the back make their slow way to me. But my gaze remains on Keegan. The relief in his eyes is plain to see. I recognize all three of these vamps. They helped us when we fought the hoodie's new born army.

"Paul, we've met before. I'm Sanchez," the leader steps forward with his hand out to shake mine. I look down at it and look back into his eyes_. I don't think so asshole_. He drops his hand a second or two later. "Call Jeremiah," he tells one of his chums. "I don't understand. Your kind has never come into any of our establishment before."

"It would have remained that way if your little Schumac didn't decide to kidnap my kid."

"Your kid?"

Schumac scrambles up. "Paul, we didn't kidnap him!"

"Yeah!" the ginger vamp cries out. "We found him wandering on the streets."

I ignore him. "Are you alright?" I ask Keegan.

He nods andscrambles onto the seat when I hold my arms out and launches himself at me. Oh God! I lift him up and he wraps his arms around my neck. The feel of his solid body, the beat of his heart, it's a relief. He's okay, he's okay. I run my hand over his hair as I clutch him close. He clings to me like the little monkey he is.

"I'm sure there's an explanation to all of this," Sanchez says.

I turn to him with a smile. "Please, do explain. You've been here the whole time. The fact that your little minion was sitting here with a human kid seemed fine to you, huh? What's that about, Sanchez? You guys feeding off innocents now?"

"No, I—"

I hold a hand up to him. I don't want to hear it. And with Keegan safe in my arms, logic sets in. Why would they bring him to a waffle house? Why would they buy him food? I run a hand up his back and through his hair. "Kee-man? Did they hurt you?"

He buries his face in my neck and shakes his head no.

"I wouldn't hurt him, Paul. We're allies. I did what any of your wolves would have done if they had found him wandering the streets!"

"Schumac, right now I want to kill you really bad. I'd suggest you keep your mouth shut."

I head out the door, just as the rest of the guys arrive. I watch a Limo pull up with a sort of a detached feeling. For all the low profile he keeps, this is how Jeremiah travels. I look up at the skyline. The way the buildings are, puts this street in the shade. He's thought of everything when looking at real estate I guess.

Jake gets to me first. He's got his Alpha face on, and looks concerned as he runs a hand over Keegan's back. "Is he okay? Hey, buddy? You okay?"

Keegan nods, not easing up on his hold on me. And I hug him back tighter and press a kiss to the top of his head. "He's fine," I whisper.

"Hand him over to one of the guys," Jake tells me. "Let's handle this thing with the vamps."

I know that tone of voice, the flat way he said it. He's all set to call off this co-existing "friendship" thing we had going with Jeremiah's little gang. And I'll admit, when I first got here, that was what I wanted too.

"Jake, wait," I say softly as I shift Keegan in my arms. He doesn't give me much room to move him around, he's holding on so tight. "Keegan? Hey, hey, Kee-man?" I bring a hand to his chin to tilt his face away so I can look into his eyes. "Hey, Kee. Can you talk to Daddy and Uncle Jake for a while?" He doesn't say anything.

"You're safe now, buddy. Uncle Jake or your dad won't let anything happen to you, okay?" Jake assures him.

"Kee? Kee-man, look at me," I urge, and finally he looks up at me. "I won't be mad at you, okay. I love you too much, kiddo. But I need to know, how did they get you? Tell me."

His eyes fill with tears but they don't fall. He looks guilty as he sniffs once and glances up at Jake. "I sneaked out of school, Daddy. I wanted to go to La Push."

It felt like someone drenched me with ice water. "How did Schumac get you?"

"I...I walked for a long time, Daddy, and then this other person caught me and he took my bag," his tears started falling then and he shuddered a little, in remembered fear. "I was scared, Daddy." I hugged him close once more.

"It's okay to be scared, Kee." He's only five. Even at my age, I still feel fear. "Then what happened?"

"The man kept touching me, Daddy, and then Schumac came and got me away from him."

My heart turned cold. "Where did he touch you, Keegan?"

His eyes grow round from the tone of my voice, but he answers me. "My face, and my mouth. He kept touching me here," he said pointing to his lower lip and I release my breath slowly as I hug him close once more.

"Paul, you okay, man?" Jake asks slowly.

"Yeah," I say as I turn away from him. "Yeah, I'm fine." I breath in and out for a while, I need control. I was not afraid of phasing but it was hell coming to terms with the emotions running riot inside my head. "I wanted to kill Schumac," I tell Jake.

"Yeah," he says as he reaches out to ruffle Keegan's hair. "I'm going to talk to Jeremiah. Why don't you two call Rach, and then we can all go home, huh?"

Yeah, yeah. That's what we'll do. "Hey, Jake?" He turns to me in question. "Don't let them leave just yet, okay? I'm gonna have to say thank you to Schumac, and apologize."

_**A/N : Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. I like hearing your thoughts.**_


	12. Chapter 12 : Yellow Chimes

Disclaimer – This is Stephenie Meyer's universe. I'm just playing in her world for a long bit. Any names and characters not found in Stephenie Meyer's books are definitely mine or my wonderful beta and good friend Liljenrock's creations.

My thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review. The numbers are dropping though, so what should I think about that? :(

**Colors of My Life**

**Chapter 12 : Yellow Chimes**

_**Rachel**_

I put the phone down and cover my face with both hands, just breathing deeply as I let the shakes slowly settle. Is it silly that I feel like crying more now that I know that Keegan is safe than I actually was when I was freaking out? I don't know what it is.

"Rachel?" It's Phyllis. She's been hovering ever since Emma took Logan out of her arms.

I look up and smile at her. She's been godsend to Paul and me. I've felt guilty since the first time I left Keegan with her and went back to work, but she's great. And I know it's beyond duty for her. She loves my little boys. "Paul's found him. He's okay," I tell her and watch as she tears.

"Thank God. I was so scared."

I nod. I was scared too. When I had walked out of that courtroom just as Leon Cowley ran up the courthouse steps, my first thought had been on Paul. Something had happened to him, I thought, that was why Leon was there. But no, he gently wrapped an arm around my shoulder and made me sit down as he told me that it was my son, my baby who was missing. I suppose as a mother, it's instant fear that fills you when you hear that something has happened to one of your children. It's not something any mother would want to hear. And instantly scenario after scenario fills my head. Isn't this something we had feared from the start? Once Paul's success started growing and facing what Rebecca had been capable of, we had taken the necessary steps looking after our little family. Buying our house in a gated community, putting Keegan into private school when both Paul and I were products of public school, it was safety on our minds. That's why I've always thought that if anything ever happens to my husband and children, it would have something to do with their precious 'wolf business'. And yet, sitting on that bench with Leon, my mind had been on the case I had just testified on. A seven-year old boy who was kidnapped, his well-to-do parents had paid the ransom and yet, their son was returned to them in pieces. He would have been seventeen this year. My cases were all cold cases, but there was enough DNA preserved for me to put their next door neighbor at the scene of the crime. That had been the reason of my day in court. And I wondered if that would be Keegan's fate.

When I called Paul, that was the fear running through my mind. I wanted him back. I never wanted to imagine life without my little man. Paul would have been proud of me with the way I held myself steady. You see, unlike that little boy in my case file, I had an advantage. I have a husband who is a wolf and an entire wolf pack at our backs. I had more faith in them finding Keegan than any police force in the world. I was confident up until I realized that _this_ was 'wolf business' as Keegan likes to say. He's been taken by vampires. The sense of panic that had filled me then made me want to fall to the ground and scream and scream. Was this how Paul had felt when he thought Dale had me? I breathe deeply, fighting for control. Everything is fine, fine. Paul found Keegan, and he's fine, he's safe. Paul is my hero in so many ways. Did I ever doubt he would find Keegan? A sob breaks free and Phyllis is there by my side as she hugs me.

"Oh Rachel. He's alright, isnt he?"

"Yes he is. They're bringing him home now." I sit up and wipe my face. If I was going through post traumatic stress like this, I can only imagine what my little boy and Paul would be going through. Oh Paul!

"Rachel?" Phyllis sounds unsure as she stares at me. "This was a kidnapping, wasn't it? Did Mr. Winters pay them off?"

"Phyllis," I say as I lean forward and take her hands in mine. I always worried about the day when she realizes that something wasn't right with my family. But wait a minute, hasn't she already seen other signs for which I've brushed off with an explanation of sorts? I can do this. "I don't know what happened. I guess we'll know once they come home, huh?"

"Mr. Winters was very organized. Mr. Sarrazin came in with the others and they were strangely serious. Some of them were walking around the compound, it was very...military. Even the way the other ladies started arriving. I know...I know, I read too many suspense thrillers, but it felt like this was a safe house while there was a war going on somewhere."

"In a way, there was something going on, wasn't it, Phyllis? Keegan was missing."

"But—"

"It's a tribal thing," I cut her off. "Braves of the past would go to war while the women and children were protected. These guys take their heritage seriously. This is just our way."

'Yes, Rachel. But it was like a backup plan that was executed perfectly."

Of course it was a backup plan that was executed perfectly. The possibility of a vampire/wolf faceoff has always been a huge axe hanging over our heads. But how do I tell her this? "My father is the current chief. My brother is next in line. Keegan is...high on the list for us." Am I mucking this up? I'm blatantly bullshitting her. "Phyllis, Griffin was kidnapped as a baby. You were not with us yet at that time. But this is a possibility that we've lived with. This actually _was_ a backup plan that was executed perfectly." I stand up before she can say anything else. I can't do this now, there are too many 'ears' in the house right now and I can't think straight. "I'm going to wait for them on the porch."

When the cars drive up, I'm ready and waiting and I smile as Embry pulls up right next to me so I'm looking in at the passenger window at my serious husband and smiling son. Paul has Keegan on his lap and from the look of things, it's where Keegan wants to be. I pull open the door and lean in, not caring about everyone who's watching and I wrap my son into my arms. Paul pulls me in further and I slide into his lap, pulling Keegan up onto mine. Embry chuckles before leaving us and I ignore him as I press kisses all over Keegan's face.

"Mommy!" he giggles as he tries to squirm away. "Stop!"

"Are you okay, baby?" I demand as I run my hands over his face, his shoulders, his arms. "Did they hurt you?"

"No, mommy, stop!"

"Rachel, Rachel," Paul clasps my hands. "He's okay."

I nod before I press my forehead to his. He's okay. I knew he'd be okay. I knew his daddy would get him back just fine, but there's still this part inside of me that worried, that part that's beyond an imprint or a strong woman that I've been so proud to have been calling myself all my life. It's that maternal pull, that bonding gene that I had been so sure I was born without until the first moment I held Keegan in my arms. He'll always be my baby, and I'll always worry about him. Didn't they know that, dammit?

Then someone raps smartly on the roof of the car causing me to jump in surprise. "Hey, the yard's bigger." It's Jake, the big idiot, and he's smiling at us through the open door. I give him a blubbering laugh. Of course he's here. Where else would he be? He's my baby brother after all. "Hey buddy, want to go in with Uncle Jake and get something to eat?" he asks Keegan.

"Yeah!" Keegan scrambles out of the car and clasps Jake's hand as they turn to head into the house, and a waiting Phyllis and all the Seattle pack girls.

Jake turn to grin at us as they start walking. "It's Embry's car. Don't leave a sticky mess!"

"Tsk!"

"Jacob!"

Paul and I do get out of the car right after that, and I turn to head in after Jake and Keegan, but Paul holds me back. There's something about the way he's gripping my arm that tells me something, tells me that there's a cause to worry. But didn't I just check my giggling little boy? He's alright, isn't he? There wasn't a mark on him that I could see. But all I had done was a preliminary mommy check. Not a doctor check.

"Paul?" I run my hand over his cheek and he tilts his head to press himself more into my open palm. "Baby, what is it?"

"Rachel, we have to talk."

"Let's go inside." I had promised Cecilia that I'd call her as soon as they came home.

I watch as his eyes flicker towards the house and then he shakes his head no. Too many people inside, I know. "What is it?" What is he going to tell me?

He pulls me close, fisting both his hands in my hair as he presses his forehead to mine. "I need to tell you something," he whispers.

"Tell me," I whisper back as I run my hands soothingly over his chest, his biceps.

"The Seattle vamps had him," I nod slowly, letting my nose rub against his from the action. He needs to get this out, he needs me to know this. "I wanted to go in there and kill them all. All I could think was, they took my son."

"They did," I whisper back. I don't want him feeling guilty after he's saved our little boy.

"They didn't take him from school, baby. Keegan was running away."

I laugh at that as I pull away from Paul to look him in the eye. "Winters, he's five-years old. He was just having a tantrum. He's was not running away."

"Rachel—"

"No," I push myself out of his arms.

"He slipped out of school by himself." Paul talks quickly, as if he needs to say everything before I can get into the house. "And he walked quite a bit before a homeless guy got at him. Schumac—"

"The vampire?"

"Yes, Schumac the vampire got Keegan away from the guy."

I turn fully to watch Paul swallow a few times. "Winters?" My voice is all wobbly and I feel like crying and I have no idea why. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Rachel," he tries to take me into his arms but I don't want that, I don't want comfort now. I just want to know. I need to know.

"What is it?" I demand as I push his arms away.

"There was," his eyes look damp. Keegan is home safe, why was Paul still cut up about it? "There was some inappropriate touching."

"What?" This was any parent's nightmare. "Oh God!" I turn to run into the house. Oh God! My baby. He's just a baby. But Paul grabs me from the back before I take two steps. "No!"

"Shh, Rachel," he wraps himself around me and whispers into my ear. "Rachel, it's okay. Schumac got him away in time."

I go limp in Paul's arms and he turns me around. It didn't get far but something did start, and a sob breaks free from me. Paul just holds me and gives me the strength to regain my self-control. I feel his lips running over my head and I cling to him for a while. I need him, I need his strength.

"Where is this homeless guy now?" I ask into his shirt as a sort of a rage settles over me. It strikes me that after all that had happened today, he's still got his tie on. No jacket, but his tie that I tied for him this morning is still there around his neck. Was this a sign that things were still the same as they were this morning?

"I think they had him for lunch," he says in a flat voice.

Somehow, I find myself in whole hearted approval in that. Was that strange? Wrong? When did I start condoning the killing of people? I work in a crime lab for crying out loud. I'm married to a very powerful wolf, a protector of _people_. But a part of me wishes I could have killed this guy myself. What does it say about me?

"Paul."

"Baby?" he whispers into my hair.

"I need to go and check on him," I don't think I'll ever recover from this shock and suddenly I just want to gather my entire little family around me and protect them.

"I know," he says as he slowly lets me go. "He doesnt - he doesn't know."

Just before I pull open the door I turn back to him. "Paul? He's okay, isn't he? Nothing happened to him, right?" I need the assurance from him before making a check myself. I'm not as brave as him although I like to think otherwise.

"He's okay," Paul says and I wait for his nod before I let myself in.

I sit on the floor of the bathroom as Keegan splashes in the tub. I have his clothes and shoes neatly packed into plastic bags, I've taken nail clippings and run a comb carefully through his hair and packed that up too. I don't know why I find making a evidence kit so necessary but I can't help myself. I've questioned him carefully and examined him all over. There is not even a mosquito bite on him, much less a bruise or a scratch. I watch him as plays with his toys. He's oblivious to the danger he had been in. Or is he?

"Keegan? Baby? Will you tell me what happened today?" He looks up at me, looking unsure. "I'm not going to get mad at you, sweetie. I just want to know what happened." I reach out and slick his wet hair off his forehead.

He looks guilty. "I came out of school, Mommy. I wanted to go to La Push."

"Did you think you were going to walk all the way there?"

He shrugs. Most of the time, his maturity level astounds me, the questions he asks, the quietly responsible way he has. And then he does this. "Mommy, that man took my bag."

"I know, sweetie. We'll get you a new one, okay?"

"But how am I going to go to school tomorrow?"

"You're not going to school tomorrow. We're going to La Push, baby."

"We are?" he sounds surprised. "Why, Mommy?"

"Well, you wanted to go so badly that you ran out of school. So I'm going to take you myself." I knew his running away had something to do with Paul's retirement as wolf. I'm not sure what exactly his plans were, to get Jake to try to talk Paul out of it or something else altogether but I definitely can't have this happening again.

"But mommy, I don't want to go anymore."

I cross both my arms on the edge of the tub and rest my chin on them. "Why not?"

"Daddy's still wolf, Mommy! He came and took me away from the vampires. He was not scared of them at all," he says ever so enthusiatically, his happiness apparent in his animation of the events. "There were five of them, Mommy," he holds five fingers up for me. "I knew they were vampires because they had red eyes, all of them! And daddy was alone. That means he is still wolf, Mommy. Cos they were all scared of daddy."

I really don't know how to correct his thinking, not until I've spoken to Paul about it. But this running away thing, this attempt to get to La Push himself thing was too serious. He has no idea of the lucky escape that he's had. And as thankful as I am that I've gotten him back unscatched both physically and mentally, this is not something that I can let pass. That's just not me, and Keegan needs to realize that too. But it can wait for tomorrow. Because right now there is another Winters man who needs me. Another Winters man that I need to check over to convince myself that he is fine. How did I get stuck in the middle?

"Keegan, sweetie, daddy didn't phase into a wolf when he came to get you, did he?" I need him to realize that what Paul did today, he did as a man, not a wolf.

"Mommy!" Keegan huffs. "We were in a restaurant! Daddy can't phase in a restaurant!" There, that explained it all and I'm the one left feeling silly.

I have to laugh though, what a new predicament to be in. Because what my little darling is too young to understand is, Paul Winters used to phase at the drop of a hat whenever there was danger, vampires or a member of his family in trouble. The fact that it was all three, our son was in a dangerous situation with vampires and Paul maintained his control said a lot, but said it in a language Keegan was no where close to understanding.

When I arrive downstairs, it's to see Petra loading the dishwasher and Leah closing the door behind some people who are leaving. I don't see Paul anywhere and Tokala is snoring softly on the TV room couch.

"Hey," Leah greets me. She looks tired and I remember how pregnancy used to feel. It hasn't been that long for me. "Almost everyone has left, but don't worry, we made sure they ate first."

"Yes, Rachel. And I have more food warming in the oven for Paul and you. He didn't want to eat." Petra appears next to me. "Tokala won't wake up and go home," she says with a slight wrinkle of her nose.

"Let him sleep there, Petra." It's not the first time he's slept over, although usually he uses one of the bedrooms. "He was on air the whole night and then this thing with Keegan..." I trail off. "I don't think he's slept at all this morning." Tokala is a deejay on the radio, pretty popular too. He does the midnight shift and calls himself The Wolfman on Air.

"Hey, they found him okay. He's a very lucky little boy," Leah pats me on my shoulder.

Yeah, if she only knew how lucky he was. Petra misunderstands the expression on my face and she holds my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Rachel, I could have found Keegan for you. But Paul found him before I even knew he was missing." She is always so sweet and caring that I don't say anything to that.

"Hey," Embry appears by the door, giving me a half smile before his eyes slide to his wife. "You ready to head home, baby?"

"Yes, Embry," Petra skips over to his side and he grins adoringly at her. It's nice seeing Embry Call looking content. It's a look that took Petra coming into his life to achieve. "Embry? I was just telling Rachel that I would have found Keegan for her. I would have, Embry."

"I know, baby," he tells her, and I smile as he sort of leans down and knocks his head with hers as they both smile softly at each other.

Leah and I turn to grin at each other. There's just something about Embry and Petra and leaves everyone around them feeling – fluffy. Leah and Alex leave right along with Embry and Petra, and I jump as I turn from shutting the door to find Jake leaning against the far wall watching me.

"You scared me!"

He grins as he ambles over to me. "Nerves shot? Feeling all jumpy?"

"Yes," I laugh as I bring a hand up to my forehead. "I'm still shaking."

"That'll take awhile to subside. Both of you will probably wake up every half an hour to check on both kids, have bad dreams for a while."

"Oh Jake," I say. How he must have suffered. But he brushes me off.

"Paul's in your backyard." I nod when he says that. I know Paul, he needs me. As tough as he always is, wherever he feels that his world has been knocked off its axis, he needs me to talk him out of the funk he sinks into. "I think he's reeling from the whole 'I was walking to La Push' thing."

"I'm reeling from the whole touching thing," my voice cracks as I say this and Jake gathers me into his arms.

"Hey," he says as he cuddles me to him. "He's okay, right?"

I nod. "Yes, yes he is. He doesn't even realize what sort of danger he was in."

"That's good, right? You get to save on the expensive therapy."

"Jacob!" I give him a watery giggle. "I think _I_ need the expensive therapy."

"I think you need to address why he was trying to get to La Push, Rach," he's dead serious all of a sudden. "Paul's been treating the little man like an equal all this time, then not discussing this retirement thing with him...you know what I'm getting at, right?"

I nod as I slip out of Jake's arms. "We'll be coming to La Push in the morning."

"You are? What about work?" I glare up at him and he chuckles. "Silly question. Sorry."

"Oh Jake! I'm mad as hell at him for this stupid stunt. Is that bad?"

"Nope."

I breathe in and out as I try come to terms with everything that has happened today. Paul, I've pushed him to the last place. I need to get to him. Now. "Are you spending the night?" I demand.

"Nah. I have this overwhelming need to check in on my boys and hold my wife. I have a feeling she's reliving what happened to Griffin."

"I want to kill that man who touched him, Jake," I look up at him frankly and it strikes me that he doesn't look shocked or troubled with what I just said. "I'm sure Paul wanted to kill your vampire friends before he realized just how serious this was, right?" Jake sighs and nods. "Jacob? How did you manage not to hurt Becca?" I don't know why it's so important to know that right now. I don't know why it's taken Keegan's disappearance for me to realize just how much Jake would have been affected and how much strength and control he's exerted not to harm Rebecca. Because right now, today, after all this time, it's occured to me suddenly that if Rebecca had taken Keegan instead of Griffin, I would have definitely hurt her—badly.

There's a look on his face that scares me, I've never seen this expression on him before. Is that his wolf? Is this why he's the strongest? He just stares at me and I wonder if I should have waited to bring Rebecca up when Paul was around to shut me up or just protect me from whatever I've done now. Then Jake sighs deeply and shakes off whatever it was and looks away from me. "She's dead to me," he growls. Then he moves forward to brush by me to get to the front door. "You're my only sister, Rach." He doesn't turn to look at me. "See you on the Rez tomorrow." And just like that, he's gone.

He doesn't realize just how telling that was. He may claim that she's dead to him, but the fact that she's still alive tells me that somewhere deep inside, she's still his sister, she's still family or that scary person who just walked out of here, would have definitely killed her himself.

I find Paul in the backyard like Jake said he was. He had pulled one of the wrought iron patio chairs to the end of the yard where the lights didn't quite reach and he's brooding. I walk over to him and carefully sit myself down on his lap. He still has his tie on and it occurs to me that he's even more out of sorts that I realized.

"Hey," I whisper as I pull off his tie and unbutton the top two buttons of his shirt. He watches my hands with no reaction. Then I run my hands through his hair, combing the silky strands off his forehead before I lean down and press my head to his. It takes a moment or two, but slowly, his arms come up to wrap around me and he squeezes tightly, causing me to gasp, but I don't say anything. _Take whatever strength you need from me, Paul. I'm here for you._

"Is he alright?" he asks after some time. He knows me, he knows I would have given Keegan a through examination.

"Yes."

"Promise?" His voice cracks and I hold him tighter.

"I promise. He's perfectly fine, Paul."

A shudder runs through him and I hear a soft sob. I rock him slowly. "I failed him, Rach. When I think about what could have happened...this, this never ever crossed my mind."

"Hey, hey," I cup his face and hold his head back so I can look into his eyes, his wet eyes. "Listen to me, Paul Winters! You didn't fail him. You could never fail him." I wipe the wetness off his cheeks with my fingers. "You're the best father any kid could ask for. You're the best of all men. You could never fail anyone you take under your wings and you would never ever fail your children. Do you hear me?" I ask him fiercely.

He shakes his head, looking down. And as shaken as I've been when everything had hit me like a punch in the gut, only Paul mattered to me right now. I've got to make this right for him, I've got to make this right between father and son. They're just so much alike and just so much into each other.

"Winters, look at me," I coax and wait for him to look into my eyes. "You're a wonderful man, baby. You're a wonderful father. You are," I insist when it looks like he was going to disagree with me. "You don't see what I see. You don't see how you treat Keegan and Logan. They love you Paul. You're their hero," I press a finger to his lips, silencing him before he can say whatever it is that he was going to say. "Keegan is five-years old. He's so completely into being wolf, but he's a little boy, Winters. You have to remember that. He doesn't understand everything just yet. He hasn't even discovered girls, how can he understand what imprinting is and everything that entails?" I stroke the side of his face and he turns his head to brush a kiss on my open palm. He's listening to me, I can tell from the way he is slowly starting to relax. "You can never fail him, baby. You can never fail any of us. Your pack, you don't realize why so many of them hang out here so much. You are this wonderful father figure that they never had. You've just stepped up for them and filled that missing role and you don't even see that you're doing it." He does, he really does. They way they all flock to him for advice, for approval. Even though he's sarcastic most times, they know that Paul Winters would give everything he has to look out for them. Why does he always associate himself with the young, mean boy he had been before? People change, and he has changed the best of all.

"It's karma, Rachel. Sins of the father. My son is paying for every mean thing I've ever done. It's me, don't you see? It's my fault!"

"You were never a pedophile, Paul Winters! A mean jerk maybe, but never evil. Remember that!" I snap. And we stare at each other for a while. "Let me tell you something, something that I believe with all my heart and soul. Phasing into a wolf, for you, it was a form rebirth. I'm a firm believer in science so if I'm the one telling you about a mythical theory, you better listen, Winters!" I grin as a reluctant smile crosses Paul's face and I let myself snuggle into his chest. This is where I really belong, within the circle of his arms, held protectively over his heart. It's my place. "You were reborn into this beautiful person, Paul. In here, you're perfect and wonderful," I poke a finger on his chest, over his heart. "And just because you're going to stop phasing, it doesn't take you back to the mean kid you were, because you've already grown up to be the man that you are, the man that you were meant to be. I wish you would see yourself the way I see you."

"I just worry about you and the kids," he finally whispers. "You guys are the most important thing in the world to me. I don't handle things too well if anything happens to my family. I don't know about rebirth and all that. All I know is that you are my world, and you and the kids complete me. There's no Paul if there's no Rachel, or Keegan or Logan."

"I know," I whisper back. "That's the way it's supposed to be, baby. That's what makes you the wonderful man that you are. That's why you can never fail us."

He holds me tighter and we listen to the sounds of the night for a little while. It's a cool night, but Paul keeps me warm. Then I start imaging mosquitos and other bugs that come out at night. I know no vampire would dare to turn up at my backyard, but still, I'd really rather be indoors, so I slowly untangle myself from my husband and stand up. Holding a hand out to him, I get him to stand up and come in with me. "Come on, Winters. I'm starving and I've not eaten since breakfast. Let's go see what Petra's left us to eat, huh?"

We're halfway across the yard when he stops me gently. "Rachel?" I look up at him in question. "I didn't 'reborn' when I phased. I was reborn the day I imprinted on you. Just wanted you to know, so you can tweak your little theory, okay?"

I grin up at him. I don't care who says what, but I'm married to the sweetest man in the whole wide world. And just as we turn to the house again, I see him, Luka, he's been in the shadows all this while and when I look at him, he shuffles his foot once before he slinks away. But I ignore him. I can't deal with him now.

"Paul," I tell him. "Thank you for bringing our baby home. I didn't thank you for that. I'm sorry."

"I knew in here, baby," he says as he flattens my hand over his heart.

I look at his hand holding mine over his chest. Even in this lighting, I see the difference in our skin tones. Someone, somewhere gave me this prince of a man and it is my duty to look after his heart, just like it is his duty to look after mine. And right now, there's a confused little boy in both our hearts.

'Winters, we're going to La Push tomorrow." I have to settle this thing once and for all.

_**A/N : Watcha think? Lemme know..**_


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